In My Eyes
by niiiiirvana
Summary: Ever wondered what they were thinking while giving each other longing looks? Experience each episode from the POVs of Finn and Rachel, which constantly switch throughout the chapter. Finchel is forever. In loving memory of Cory Monteith and his lopsided grin, dimples, amber eyes, and messy hair. You'll be in my heart forever.
1. Chapter 1 - Pilot Episode

**Authors Note - I don't own Glee or any songs used in this story. I hope you guys enjoy, and please leave reviews! **

I stood there watching as my best friend threw that same kid in the dumpster again.

_What am I doing with my life?_

This thought swarmed my head as I looked at the Marc Jacobs' jacket in my hands. Gay kids words, not mine. Does he think the fact that his jacket is Marc Jacobs makes a difference to me? It could have been from Target and I would have held it.

But still, I watched as Puck throw the gay kid in the dumpster. And I didn't do a single thing about it.

* * *

This is going to be my year.

'This is the year where I'll show everybody that I'm not just some annoying Jewish girl that wears animal sweaters,' I thought as I wrote my name down on the Glee Club signup sheet. And how can I forget my gold star? It's a metaphor. My gold star is a metaphor for ME being a star. And metaphors are important.

And then it hit me. Literally. Damn Noah Puckerman and his slushie attacks.

My first day back wasn't any better than last year. Aside from proving to Mr. Schuester how talented I was with my heart warming version of On My Own, it was actually a rotten day. I know those cheerleaders are jealous of my voice and my talent but did they really need to post such mean things on my video?

No. Rachel Barbra Berry you are a STAR. Don't let those Lima losers get you down. You're going to be on Broadway one day and they'll be stuck here. _Rachel Barbra Berry, you are a star!_

Oh, the power of positive thinking!

* * *

_Is this seriously happening? What the hell is a Chronic Lady? Please tell me I'm dreaming.  
_

I opened my eyes and saw Mr. Schue staring at me, waiting for me to reply.

"I've never seen that before Mr. Schue.. I'll pee in a cup! I'll pee!"

...People pee in cups to get tested for maryjane use right? I hoped so.

The next words out of Schue's mouth interuppted my thoughts. Football scholarship? What the hell was he saying?

"I had a football scholarship? To... to where?"

Mr. Schue shot me down. "You could go to prison, son."

OH DEAR GOD. Prison? My mom was going to fricken kill me. She was going to seriously murder me.

My thoughts shifted to my mom. I remembered how happy she was when she had been with Darren, that dude that sprayed our lawn. He was cool about letting me hang out. He even introduced me to music.. man, it set my soul on fire.

I wish he hadn't left her for that girl he met at Pick & Save. Not cool dude, not cool.

After that day, all I wanted was for my mom to be proud of me. She sacrificed so much for me, I basically owed her.

* * *

'Why was she staring at me like that?' I thought as I sang along to 'You're the One That I Want.' She's seriously freaking me out... what's her name again? Raquel... shit no. Berry! Berry something... Rachel! Rachel Berry. Man, she was kinda weird. Especially now- why is she tugging my arm like that?

But, she's actually really cute. Her eyes are freaking me out right now but they're super intense. I've never seen somebody so passionate about... anything.

"OH HELL TO THE NO. LOOK, I'M NOT DOWN..."

I tuned the black girl out. She seems like a diva. I looked at Rachel beside me.. shit, she was staring up at me! Look away Finn, look away don't look her in the eyes!

I turned around, trying to look at something else other than Rachel but my thoughts kept wandering back to her. She was really, really cute now that I thought about it. I mean, she had to look up at me, that's how short she was. Imagine her giving me a blow- YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND FINN, SNAP OUT OF IT. THINK OF QUINN. THINK OF QUINN. Sexy, bubbly Quinn. Ah yes, Quinn.

* * *

I can't believe his talent. Okay, he's a bit sharp but it's just because he doesn't have the many years of training that I have. But it just seems like this comes so naturally to him. And he is so cute. I can't believe this is happening.

I grabbed Finn's hand and pulled him back and forth, just like Sandy and Danny danced in Grease!

He is so cute.

"You're very talented."

Was she talking to me? She can't be. I looked down at Rachel and saw her gazing into my eyes. She was totally talking to me... wait, she thought I was talented?

"Really?" I heard the word slip from my mouth. Am I that stupid? I couldn't have said thanks or something cool?

But Rachel was nodding up at me. "I would know, I've very talented, too. I think the rest of the team expects us to become an item. You, the hot male lead-"

Did she just call me hot? _Holy shit_. She called me hot. She thinks I'm hot. My heart fluttered and I felt my face burn. Wait.. did she say item? Wait what?

"I, uh, have a girlfriend," I stuttered out. Did she really not know? Where did she live, under a rock?

"Really? Who?"

Okay, maybe she did live under a rock.

"Quinn Fabray," I answered her. Why did I feel the need to say Quinn's last name?

"Cheerleader Quinn Fabray? President of the Celibacy Club?" I heard Rachel say.

Damn that Celibacy Club. We can't even make out for a few minutes without Quinn wanting to pray...

"For almost four months now. She's cool."

_But you're cooler. _

I wish I had the balls to say it to her. Rachel Berry really was cool.

* * *

I tried to make it sound like I had no clue Finn Hudson was dating Quinn Fabray. Of course they would be dating. The star quarterback and the head cheerleader AND president of the Celibacy Club? It was like a match made in high school heaven.

I tried to keep myself from frowning when he pointed out that they had been going out for four months.

AND he thought she was cool.

'I'm the furthest thing from cool and it seems like Finn is into that...' I thought, sighing. He would never be into a freaky, annoying Jewish girl like me.

* * *

Why was she standing here talking to me? How did she even figure out where my locker was?

I know it wasn't cool that I had been avoiding her, and Glee but did she really have to come talk to me? In front of all these people?

The next thing I knew, Quinn was standing beside me.

"Hi, Finn," she said in a cold tone. "RuPaul," I heard her say as she acknowledged Rachel.

I tried giving her my cool quarterback all star look. "Hey," I squeaked out.

Woah. Voice crack. Wait.. what did she call Rachel? RuPaul? What does that even mean?

Oh man. Had Quinn just asked me something? She looked at me as if she expected an answer. I knew that look. Before I had time to reply, I heard Rachel answer for me.

"Science project - we're partners."

We had science together? OH. Oh wait. Oh. That was really cool of her. Nice going Rachel.

"Christ Crusaders tonight at 5, my house," Quinn told me in that cold tone again.

"Sounds great," I squeaked out.

What was with these damn voice cracks?!

I looked down at Rachel. "I can't do Glee anymore. It conflicts with..." I couldn't say it. I know she expected more of me. She thought I had TALENT. She wouldn't wanna hear me say it.

"Your reputation?"

She said it for me.

"You've really got something, Finn, and you're throwing it away."

I had to get out of there. I didn't wanna disappoint Rachel, it hurt to see the disappointment in her eyes. I tried making an excuse to get away but before I could escape I heard what she said.

"You can't keep worrying about what people think of you, Finn. You're better than all of them."

My heart fluttered as I walked away from her but her sentence kept repeating in my head. Better than all of them? Did she really think that? Man, she really had faith in me. If only she knew I was just another Lima loser.

* * *

I walked to football practice to find my teammates outside of a portable toilet, that's when I heard a voice yelling.

"Help, help! Help!"

Was that coming from inside that portable toilet?

I walked right up to Puck and my teammates. "What's going on," I questioned, dreading the answer.

"We got that wheelchair kid inside. We're going to flip it."

What the hell had he just said?

"Isn't that kinda dangerous?"

Puck just laughed at me. "He's already in a wheelchair. Come on dude, we saved you the first roll."

No way in hell was I gonna do that. No. My mom would not be proud if she knew I flipped a kid in a wheelchair. Rachel wouldn't be proud of me either. And oddly enough, I really wanted her to be proud of me.

I opened the toilet and pulled Artie out.

"What the hell dude? I can't believe you're helping out this loser," I heard Puck say as he looked at me in disgust.

Don't you get it, man? We're all losers—everyone in this school. Hell, everyone in this town. Out of all the kids who graduate, maybe half will go to college, and two will leave the state to do it. I'm not afraid of being called a loser 'cause I can accept that that's what I am. But I am afraid of turning my back on something that actually made me happy for the first time in my sorry life."

Had I just said that?

"So what? Are you quitting to join Homo Explosion?"

It was then that I figured out what I had to do.

"No. I'm doing both. 'Cause you can't win without me and neither can they," I mumbled as I wheeled Artie away.

* * *

Are they kidding? I've been doing these steps since PRESCHOOL and they can't even follow along! I won my first dance competition when I was three months old and they couldn't follow these simple steps?!

I turned as saw Finn rolling Artie into the auditorium. My heart jumped when we made eye contact.

"This is a closed rehearsal," Kurt said, looking at Finn.

No. No. NO. I hoped Finn wasn't going to leave. I didn't want him to leave.

"Look, I owe you guys an apology. I never should have quit... I don't want to be the guy that just drives around throwing eggs at people."

Hey! "That was you?" I heard myself blurt out. Does he know how long that took me to rinse out of my hair?

I heard Kurt naming the many things Finn and his friends had subjected him to. 'Poor Kurt', I thought.

"This is what I want to be doing, with you guys." I heard Finn say. He was looking straight at me. Oh my god, he was adorable.

"I used to think that this was like, the lamest thing on Earth, and maybe it is, but… we're all here for the same reason—'cause we want to be good at something."

He was right. Although I already knew I had a marvelous voice and amazing dance moves, Glee made me feel really special. It did make me feel like I was good at something.

I heard Finn taking control, telling people what to do so we could get started. He was actually really sexy when he took control like that.

* * *

I smiled as I sung to Rachel. 'This was the happiest I've been in such a long time,' I thought as I danced with her and sung to her.

I was proud when we finished 'Don't Stop Believin'.'

Maybe I was good at something. And the way Rachel was smiling at me... man. Wow. She was gorgeous.

I smiled back.

**Please review, I hope you enjoyed my first story!**


	2. Chapter 2 - Showmance

I saw Rachel out of the corner of my eye that morning talking to Mr. Schue.

"I just remembered I had to do something like, uh, hand in my, uh, homework," I stuttered out to my girlfriend. She was already in a pissed off mood, as usual, so as soon as I made my excuse I got away from her as fast as I could and hurried towards Rachel.

"Let me help you with that," I said as soon as I got close enough to reach her schoolbag. It had wheels on it. How much more adorable could she get? Quinn's face instantly popped up in my head. Ugh.

"Thanks Finn, you're so chivalrous," she said, smiling up at me. Not even smiling. Beaming. She was beautiful.

"Thanks. That's a good thing, right?"

She laughed. I hoped it was a good thing.

She talked my ear off as I walked her to her next class. Something about songs for Glee. I didn't even care what she was saying I was just happy to be walking with her. I'm a simple guy like that. 

* * *

My heart fluttered when I saw Finn in the morning after talking to Mr. Schue. He was adorable... and he was walking in my direction? Was he coming to talk to me?

I almost screamed when he took my schoolbag out of my hand and rolled it for me. I barely heard what he had said to me because he flashed that lopsided smile to me. His smile made my heart melt, the way it completely changed his face and warmed up his caramel, honey colored eyes. I couldn't get enough of his dimples. I wanted to freeze time in that moment, but I knew I had to say something.

"Thanks, Finn. You're so chivalrous."

I flashed the smile I had been practicing for years at him and I watched he smiled that amazing smile at me for another 10 seconds and then his eyes clouded and his smile melted away, a confused look replacing it.

_Wow_. He even looked adorable when he was confused.

I smiled at him and his smile came right back. I talked to him as he walked me to my next class. He didn't say a word but that smile stayed on his face. It didn't matter that he wasn't talking, I was happy just to be near him. 

* * *

"We are in line to be the most popular kids in the school over the next couple years," Quinn said as she stared at me with those bright green eyes. She had amazing eyes, but her cold stare was such a turn off. Rachel's warm dark brown eyes came to my head and I smiled at the thought.

"Yeah, I know."

"Prom king and queen. Homecoming court royalty. I am not giving up those shiny crowns just so you can express yourself."What did she just say? Was she really bashing Glee because she wanted to be prom king and queen?

_Why couldn't she just be happy that I was happy?_

"Look, you're making too big a deal out of this," I mumbled, hurt.

"Okay. Let's compromise. If you quit the club, I'll let you touch my breast."

My mind came to a halt. BOOBS.

"Under the shirt?" I asked, curious.

"Over the bra," she replied coldly.

Not worth it. Yeah okay I mean boobs are awesome but... woah why was I picturing Rachel with just a bra on? I rather touch her boobs than Quinn's, even if she just kept her shirt on. I guess that settled things.

"No. No, I can't," I replied. I looked over at Quinn. She didn't even look hurt she just looked pissed.

"People think you're gay now, Finn. And you know what the makes me? Your big gay beard." She stared at me. Quinn was so scary sometimes. And what was she even saying? My gay beard? What? She is an even bigger diva than Mercedes. And why can't she just be happy than I'm doing something I really enjoy?! I just wanted to get away from her.

"Look. I gotta go to class. Okay? Just relax. Everything's gonna work out," I told her and I turned and walked away from her before I could catch her reaction. I already knew what it would be. The signature cold Quinn stare. 

* * *

I couldn't believe what I had heard Quinn say. She was bribing Finn with her boobs? She was so disgusting, it was absolutely ridiculous.

My heart caught in my throat when I heard Finn stutter out his reply. He said no. Oh my god, he said no.

She was so shallow. She was so persistent and all she cared about was her popularity. She didn't care about the fact that Glee made Finn happy. She only cared about herself.

I watched as Finn walked away and I heard Quinn snap at me.

"Eavesdrop much?" I sighed. I knew this was coming.

"Time for some girl talk, man hands. You can dance with him. You can sing with him. But you will never have him."

Who does she think she is? Gosh, she is such a horrible person!

"I understand why you'd be threatened. Finn and I have made a connection. But I'm an honorable person. I don't need to steal your man. I have plenty of suitors of my own. Every day Glee's status is going up, and yours is going down. Deal with it." Okay. I lied. I wanted to steal her man but I was an honourable person. I would never do that. And as for plenty of suitors... another lie.

I turned away from Quinn and had two slushies thrown at my face. I felt my eyes starting to sting as the syrup dripped down my face.

What a great start to my day. 

* * *

Is this a joke? We're going to be performing in front of the whole school? I can't do this. I can't. I love Glee Club but I still have a rep to keep up!

"I'm dead." It was the only thing I could think of. Once the school saw me on stage, I knew what was gonna happen. I was so dead.

I saw Rachel looking at me, a concerned look on her face. Not even her beautiful face could calm my nerves right now. I was terrified.

Okay, I lied. Her face did help a little. 

* * *

I was trying to shove my fingers down my throat when I heard somebody behind me.

"Rachel, did you just throw up?" I heard Ms. Pillsburys soft voice ask.

"No."

"You missed the toilet."

"The girl who was throwing up before me left that. I tried, but I guess I just don't have a gag reflex." I had been in here trying for 20 minutes. What was wrong with me?

"One day when you're older, that'll turn out to be a gift. Let's have a little chat, okay?"

'What did she even mean by that? How can not having a gag reflex possibly be a gift?' I thought as I followed her to the guidance office.

She handed me over a pamphlet titled 'So You Like Throwing Up: Understanding and Overcoming Bulimia.'

Bulimia? What? No.

"I don't have bulimia. I tried it and failed and won't ever attempt it again. It grossed me out," I explained.

"Okay. But I still want to talk about the feelings that you had that led up to you wanting to puke your guts out," she replied.

I told her the truth.

"I want to be thinner.. prettier, like that Quinn girl."

"Mm-hm," I heard her mumble. "And, um, why is that?"

Finn's magical smile popped up in my thoughts and I sighed. "Have you ever liked someone so much you just wanna lock yourself in your room, turn on sad music and cry?" I asked.

Ms Pillsbury replied to that one really quickly. "No." She then went on to blabber about some married guy with a baby on the way.. wasn't she a guidance counselor? Providing guidance for ME?

I looked at her. "He doesn't even notice me."

My voice came out sounding quiet, dejected.

"I see. Um- okay. Well, here's what I think. Common interests are the key to romance. All right? So find out what he likes. Then he'll see you in a positive way and maybe you'll end up doing something that you never would have expected."

I saw a glimmer of hope in that sentence and smiled. Common interest! Of course! Glee! 

* * *

Why were we in the office? We had used the Cheerios photo copier and Ms. Sylvester wanted us suspended? She was crazy. But Rachel was handling this really well. She was really calm.

Mr. Schue finally came up with a good idea to get us out of this mess. We'd pay for the copies we printed. Simple as that.

Ms. Sylvester reminded me of Quinn, always thinking of herself. I didn't like it. 

* * *

I knew how nervous Finn was about the assembly.

"It's official. I'm a dead man."

I needed to do something to boost his confidence.. to see that smile again.

"Look, I know you're nervous, but you're really, really talented."

I actually saw the blush creep up Finn's face, starting from his chest. His eyes glimmered with hope. He had a shy smile on his face.

"Stop it," he replied, bashfully.

This was my chance.

"Do you want to practice for the assembly tomorrow after school?" I looked up at him, my eyes filled with hope. My heart felt like it was going 100 beats a second.

Finn frowned, his jaw clenched and he avoided my gaze. "Can't. Got a Celibacy Club meeting." He turned away and left me by myself in the hallway as I watched him leave. He didn't even turn back. 

* * *

I didn't wanna be at this stupid Celibacy Club talking about, uh, arriving early with Jacob and Puck. Actually, I wanted to be with Rachel.

But no.. no I was here for Quinn. I loved Quinn. Yeah. I love her.

Arriving early is totally a problem for me but I lied to look cool. To keep from erupting too early I think about the time my mom took me out to practice for my driver's permit and I hit that mailman. He didn't die. Thank god.

I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw Rachel in Celibacy Club. Why was she here? And why was she getting so close to Jacob? I looked at Quinn as she placed a balloon between us but in my mind, she looked like Rachel. Imagine have Rachel rub up against me like that? Hell yeah. I smiled. That's when I heard our balloon pop, and Quinn yell my name.

"It must have hit my zipper," I quickly excused as I tried to hide the boner thinking of Rachel had given me.

"You know what? This is a joke."

Was that Rachel? I turned to look at her. It totally was.

"Did you know that most studies have demonstrated that celibacy doesn't work in high schools? Our hormones are driving us too crazy to abstain. The second we start telling ourselves that there's no room for compromise, we act out. The only way to deal with teen sexuality is to be prepared. That's what contraception is for."

I stared at her in awe as Quinn snapped at her.

"Don't you dare mention the C word!"

Rachel looked right at me, with eyes full of passion and said one last thing before leaving the room.

"You want to know a dirty little secret that none of them want you to know? Girls want sex just as much as guys do."

My jaw dropped open. Sex with Rachel. Oh. My. Lord. And the way she had been looking at me? I almost erupted on the spot. 

* * *

I tried talking to the Glee kids. We couldn't do disco, it was like a death sentence. But I knew what we could do. We could give the students what they wanted. And after my experience in the Celibacy Club I knew exactly what that was.

Nobody listened to me until Finn interrupted and told them to let me talk, nodding at me in encouragement.

"We're gonna give them what they want," I said, easing into my idea.

"Blood?" Kurt questioned.

"Better," I replied, and looking straight into Finn's eyes I said it.

"Sex."

And I watched his jaw drop open and a wide smile appear on his face as I smirked at him. 

* * *

Did Rachel just say sex? Again? This was too awesome. I must be dreaming. And she's looking right at me. I felt myself break into a grin as she smiled at me, looking all sexy and hot.

Sex. Rachel. Sex. Rachel.

Wow. 

* * *

We performed in front of the whole school. I was so friggen nervous but Rachel literally bouncing on my... you know made up for it. She was literally on me, her legs wrapped around me and she was bouncing. It was awesome. It was such a turn on. And we were thrusting towards each other.

_That was freaking amazing._

Almost as amazing as it felt when the audience erupted into cheers.

Aside from Quinn. But I did my best not to look at her and just think of better things... like Rachel hopping and thrusting and grinding on me. 

* * *

I can't believe I was alone with my Finn in the auditorium. Oh. Uhm. Did I say my Finn? I meant Quinn's... whatever.

I listened to him mimicking the notes as I played on the piano. He was a bit tense but he sounded so amazing.

"Can we take a break? Singing kind of makes me a little hungry."

I was so excited. I had even laid out a picnic. "Yeah. Yeah, sure. Lucky I prepared for that."

I gestured towards the picnic I had prepared. It looked amazing, it I do say so myself.

"Want to sit?" I asked. "Yeah, yeah"

My heart was beating so loudly I didn't even hear what he said next.

"I was wondering why you asked me to help you with your singing. You kicked butt at the assembly." I was true. He was amazing. Not just his voice, although his voice was also great just... everything. Everything was amazing.

"Well, this is my only chance to be, you know, good like you," he mumbled.

He thought I was good? My heart sped up.

"You think I'm good?" I questioned.

" I thought you were kind of insane. You talk a lot more than you should, and to be honest with you, I looked under the bed and made sure that you weren't hanging out under there," he answered, a scared look on his face.

His words hurt. I should have expected them. I felt my heart fall. I knew he would never have feelings for me. Look under the bed? Did he think I was a monster? His voice interrupted my thoughts.

"-But then I heard you sing. I don't know how to say this, but you touched something in me. Right here." He placed his palm on the wrong side of his chest. It was adorable.

I gently moved his hand to the opposite side.

"Your heart's on the other side of your chest," I said softly. I could feel his heart beating underneath my hand. It made the butterflies in my stomach go wild.

"Oh. It's beating really hard," he said softly, his face pinking. "You're cool Rachel."

Our eyes locked and I thought I was going to faint but then I remembered how to speak. I quickly pulled away and asked him if he wanted a drink, reaching for the virgin cosmo I had made.

"That stuff you said at the Celibacy Club- That was really cool." I blushed at his words.

"Well, cheers," I said, not really knowing what else to say. We drank and as I put my cup down I saw him looking at my lips, and reaching his hand out.

"You got a little Cosmo right-" he said softly, wiping his thumb across my lip. My heart was beating so hard I thought it was going to burst right out of my chest.

I wanted Finn so badly. 

* * *

I watched her as she sat at the piano in the gym and I sang the notes she played.

"Is that okay?" I asked her self consciously.

She went on to talk about some holy grail thing... "Can we take a break?" I asked as I felt my stomach grumble. "Singing kind of makes me hungry." I watched her face for a reaction but she just smiled and pointed to the blanket on the floor. I was wondering what that had been about. Had she prepared for this? That was adorable. And it was really cool, really nice of her to think I would be hungry. Cool.

"Want to sit?" she asked, as her soft voice interrupted my thoughts.

"Yeah, yeah." Hell yes I wanted to sit. "Absolutely," I mumbled, smiling. This was really awesome. She was so cool. Food. Rachel. Sex. And yeah I know there was clearly no sex here but I'm a teenage guy. Sex is_ always_ on my mind.

"I was wondering why you asked me to help you with your singing. You kicked butt at the assembly."

She thought I kicked butt? She was so great. SHE kicked butt. Especially when she was on top of me... thrusting towards me..

I cleared my throat. "Well, this is my only chance to be, you know, good like you," I mumbled, looking into her eyes.

"You think I'm good?" I saw her eyes light up with hope, a small shy smile on her lips. She was more than good. She was amazing. But of course, I just had to have a word vomit moment.

"Well, when I first joined, I thought you were kind of insane. You talk a lot more than you should, and to be honest with you, I looked under the bed and made sure that you weren't hanging out under there." Why did I just tell her that? I am so stupid. That was not what I wanted her to know. I looked at her face and watched as her eyes lost their shine and her smile melted away. She looked away, avoiding my eyes and looked around, ashamed and humiliated.

"-But.." I attempted to redeem myself, "then I heard you sing. I don't know how to say this, but you touched something in me. Right here." I placed my hand over my heart. I sounded like a girl. Wow. I was so... cheesy.

Her beautiful eyes met mine and she smiled softly and took my hand, putting it on the opposite side of my chest.

"Your heart's on the other side of your chest," she whispered softly.

I could feel the heat coming to my face. I was such an idiot. But her hand, on mine... could she feel my heart beating?

"Oh. It's beating really hard," I said shyly and watched her smile at me. God, I am so nervous. This is terrifying. She's so... wow and I'm so.. not wow. "You're cool, Rachel."

She pulled away from me quickly. Had I done something wrong?

"Do you want a drink?" she asked.

"Yeah," I replied quickly, feeling like a total idiot and trying to catch my breath as she looked away and pulled a thermos out of the picnic basket.

"Virgin Cosmos."

"Cool.. That stuff you said at the Celibacy Club- That was really cool," I said, taking a cup from Rachel. She deserved to know how I felt about her little stunt she pulled at the Celibacy Club. It was when she did that that I realized I was falling for her- hard. "Thanks," I mumbled.

"Well, cheers," Rachel replied, her cheeks rosy.

"Cheers," I said, smiling at her. "Cups are like the airplane cups..." Why did I say that? When I'm nervous I say random shit but really... airplane cups? I'm a total loser.

I looked at her lips and saw the tiniest bit of Cosmo on her upper lip. Does that give me an excuse to touch her? I reached over tentatively and wiped my thumb across her lip slowly, lingering on her skin for awhile. It was like there was fire underneath my thumb. I actually felt like, heat. It was so awesome, it was like sparks or something. And her lips were so soft. I wanted to touch them again. 

* * *

"You know, you can kiss me if you want to."

I looked into Finn's warm eyes, my heart beating wildly and waited for his reply. 

* * *

"You know, you can kiss me if you want to."

I so wanted to kiss her. I would give anything to touch her again. I looked into her beautiful dark eyes and I saw passion. She wanted this as much as I did. 

* * *

"I want to," I heard Finn whisper, his jaw clenching, and his eyes blazing. A million emotions ran through his eyes. I saw fear, hope, and... I saw love. 

* * *

"I want to," I whispered. I was so god damn nervous. How did she have this affect on me? It was terrifying. I wanted to kiss her so badly... 

* * *

I laid down on the pillows and Finn moved over me, gently, not touching my body. And that's when our lips met. I opened my eyes to see his reaction but all I saw were his eyelids, gently closed. I quickly closed mine and enjoyed his lips, on mine.

He pulled away and then quickly placed his lips back on mine, opening his mouth slightly, sucking on my top lip... 

* * *

I watched her as she laid down on the pillows and I leaned over her, trying to be as gentle as possible. I didn't want to ruin this. Or hurt her. Ever. I would never hurt her.

I placed my lips on hers, gently. They were so soft. I felt fire starting from the pit of my stomach. This was perfect. She was perfect. I moaned slightly into her mouth before pulling away and then opened my mouth slightly as I went back to kiss her. That's when I felt it. I hoped she didn't feel it - me - rubbing against her leg. Oh lord no. Not now. MAILMAN, MAILMAN. It was too late. I tore my lips away from Rachel's pulling my shirt down to cover my ever present boner and stood up, trying to get away as quickly as possible.

"What?" I heard her small voice say, worried. "Did I do something wrong?"

NO. NO. NO. WHAT DID I DO. She did nothing wrong. In fact, she was perfect.

"No, no. Um, I just gotta go. Look, please don't tell anybody about this, okay?" I said quickly. This was so embarrassing.

I ran out of that gym as quickly as possible. 

* * *

He tore away from my lips so quickly. What just happened? I thought everything was going amazing. Why was he getting up? No. No. Finn...

"Did I do something wrong?" I asked, hurt.

"No, no. Um, I just gotta go. Look, please don't tell anybody about this, okay?"

That hurt me more than anything. He didn't want anybody to know. He was embarrassed, ashamed. He couldn't even look at me.

I put my head into my hands and cried. 

* * *

It only got worse. Quinn joined the Glee Club and took my solo. I watched Finn avoid me.

I watched Finn laughing with Quinn. His girlfriend. The ONLY girl he loved.

I already missed him so much.

I fell in love with Finn Hudson. 

* * *

Quinn joined Glee after that. She took Rachel's solos. It was hard to see Rachel watching me with Quinn. I really tried to be happy with Quinn. But I couldn't. I wanted

to be with Rachel, I knew that for sure. I saw her sad but beautiful face every time I looked away from Quinn. Even when I looked at Quinn I was picturing Rachel. She

was so beautiful.

I missed her.

I am in love with Rachel Berry.


	3. Chapter 3 - Acafellas

"Can we stop please?"  
I didn't want to say it. I really didn't. I didn't want to hurt Mr. Schue's feelings and tell him that the choreography sucked. I really liked Mr. Schue, he respected my talent. I didn't want to be Quinn and Santana's little doll... so why did I say it?  
"We need Dakota Stanley."  
I thought back to Quinn and Santana telling me that we wouldn't be able to compete with Vocal Adrenaline with Mr. Schuester's choreography. We NEEDED Dakota, according to them. He's the best show choir choreographer in the midwest, he works with Vocal Adrenaline AND he was an understudy for Beauty and the Beast... ON BROADWAY. But I knew what I said hurt Mr. Schue. I wish I could go back and time and take what I said back. His face gave it away; he hadn't expected this from me and he was disappointed. It's alright Mr. Schue, I'm disappointed in myself as well.

* * *

I expected this from somebody like Quinn but I didn't expect it from Rachel at all. He really hurt Mr. Schue, it was written all over his face when she told him we needed to hire that Donald guy or whatever. It was low. I felt really bad for Mr. Schue, he's a really cool guy and I like him a lot.

"Of course he doesn't want anything to do with us, after you kicked him in the nads," I spit out at Rachel. I was so disappointed in her. She totally shot him down. "Then why did he thank me?" I heard her shoot back. Is she really that insensitive? I'm supposed to be the stupid one here, not her! "Guys are really sensitive when it comes to this kind of stuff..." I mumbled. I saw her face take on a smirk. That was totally not hot. "And that's my fault?" she sneered. Hell yes it was her fault! "Do you see anyone else in here with a plate of 'I'm Sorry' cookies?" I fired back. I saw her face frown at that one. Good. She deserved it.

"All those in favor of hiring Dakota Stanley?" I heard Quinn say in that bossy tone of hers. I don't know if I'm confused or something but I thought girlfriends were supposed to be like, supportive and stuff. I saw Rachel look at me as she raised her hand.

_Ouch._

* * *

I knew he was going to say something to me and I really didn't want to hear it. Yes, I was still extremely hurt and upset at the fact that he kissed me and then went right back to Quinn as if it never happened… as if he didn't FEEL anything. He had to had felt something though.. how could he have not felt those.. sparks! I thought he was different.

"Hey, wait up. You can't do this to Mr. Schuester," I heard him say as he caught up from behind me. "What? Make him a hero? Once we hire Dakota and win Nationals he'll thank me for it. You heard Santana. It's all about winning." I winced at my own voice - had I really just said what I think I said? I was competitive by nature but.. still. I sounded like one of those mean Cheerios.

"Since when?" I heard Finn ask, confused. I turn on him, upset. "Look, you have your popular clique and your football And your cliché of a blonde girlfriend. Glee is my one shot! If this doesn't work out, then my whole high school life will be nothing but an embarrassment," I fired at him. He's just another all star quarterback with the perfect girlfriend living the perfect popular life. He hurt me enough, couldn't he just leave me alone?

"What's a cliché? Is that a bad thing? Wait, wait, wait, wait..." He blocked my path, standing right in front of me. I couldn't even get around him. Why did he have to be so big and tall.. and strong. I tried to keep my emotions off my face. "Wait! Are you pissed about one thing, but you're just pretending like you're pissed about something else? 'cause..." Oh my. He was onto me. I interrupted him as quickly as I could, brushing off his accusations. "I don't know what you're talking about." I barely recognized my own voice. I sounded cold and.. mean. "Well, for awhile there, you were kind of all over me..." he drifted off in thought and I winced. Had I been that obvious? I looked him straight in the eyes trying to read his face. He actually looked hurt like he missed me being 'all over' him. "..and now you just yell at me all the time. It makes me think that you're still upset about what happened in the auditorium," he continued, looking down at his feet, blushing spreading over his cheeks. "I'm not," I quickly replied, walking away from him, ashamed and embarrassed. I couldn't even look him in the eye. "You wanna talk about it?" I heard him offer. I so badly wanted to tell him about how he had hurt me when he put his reputation before his feelings. I felt sparks! He must have too.

"No," I responded "And neither do you. It's kind of ironic how you're Mr Popular. And I'm just this nobody that everybody makes fun of, but I have enough confidence to say out loud that what happened between us in the auditorium was real. You have feelings for me and you just don't have the guts to admit it." I looked up at him. His jaw was open and his eyes clouded. I turned away and added "We're hiring Dakota Stanley." I quickly walked away after that one until I heard his voice again.

"Even if it means me quitting?" he softly asked.

I stopped in my tracks. He was the one person in my life that had made me feel special. He made me feel like I was more than some annoying Jew girl and now he was going to leave? Well... well.. Rachel Berry, remember how he hurt you!

"Yes," I replied quickly, walking away, not looking back at him to see his reaction. I didn't want to see his face.

* * *

"Yes," I heard her quickly reply.

I stood there and watched Rachel walk away from me, my heart beating loudly in my chest and her simple statement rang in my ears. Did I really mean nothing to her? She would take some stupid Stanley guy over me? That had hurt. I hoped nobody was looking at me because I knew the expression on my face would give me away. But then.. she had said something about the auditorium. I recalled how she referred to me as 'Mr. Popular' and told me that my rep meant everything to me. In some ways, she was right. I wanted to be popular. But she was so wrong because little did she know that after I had met her, after that kiss.. it was like something changed inside of me. She was right- I did have feelings for her. I felt it in that kiss! All the times I had kissed Quinn would never add up to how I felt when I kissed Rachel. It was like something was burning inside of me and it started from the pit of my stomach.. God, Puck would kill me if he knew I was thinking like this. When did I turn into such a cheeseball?

* * *

I couldn't believe this Dakota guy. He was such a dickwad. Personalized menus? Nobody was going to tell me what I couldn't eat. I mean, I know I shouldn't be having two Sloppy Joe's every day for lunch but I liked Sloppy Joe's! They made me _happy_. And this little freak wasn't going to tell me to stop eating them.

Did he just cut Artie because he was in a wheelchair? What the hell was with this dude?

"You can't kick people out of the Glee Club because you don't like the way they look." You go Kurt. I wish I had the confidence to say that to Dakota. I admired Kurt when he did stuff like that. He was made fun of a lot and I was even guilty of bullying him.. I never actually TOUCHED him but I stood around and watched while my friends threw him in the dumpster. But even through all that, he still stood up for other people, it was really cool.

"Uh, why don't you shut your face-gash and stay away from aerosol cans because you could burst into flames at any second?" Dakota said, sneering at Kurt. He turned away from him and looked at Quinn, Santana and Brittany. "You three ...you're great. you're perfect. Seriously. don't change thing." Of course he thought that, they were Cheerios. He looked at Rachel next and just the look in his eyes made me want to punch him out. "Uh, you... ew, nose job."

_**WHAT? **_

Rachel was fucking gorgeous and I would not stand for this kind of thing, especially when I saw her reaction to Dakota's words. Sure, she could try acting all strong in front of other people but I saw right through it. It hurt her- bad.

"Now just hold on a second..." I started, only to be interrupted by Dakota.

"What was that, Frankenteen? Why don't you, uh, wipe that Dopey look off your face and get some lotion for those knuckles you've been dragging on the ground?" Who the hell was this guy? I saw Rachel look up at me from the corner of my eye.

"What's wrong with you?" I spat out at Dakota. I was insecure about my height as it was so that really hurt me.

"What's wrong with me? What's wrong with me is that you're freakishly tall. I feel like a woodland Creature. Um, am I hurting your feelings? Did I say something wrong?" He kept on rambling and I tuned him out. This was bullshit, I was out of here, Rachel or not.

"Screw this. I quit." I started walking towards the door, Artie and Mercedes trailing behind me.

It was Rachel who spoke up. "Wait."

I stopped in my tracks and turned to look at her. "Barbra Streisand. When Barbra was a young ingenue, everyone told her in order to be a star she'd have to get a nose job. Thankfully, she refused." She looked right at me and smiled.. it warmed my heart up.

"Where's this going yentl?" Dakota rudely interrupted.

'What's a yentl?' I thought.

"Where it's going is that.. we don't need you. Let's face it. We're never going to be as good of dancers as Vocal Adrenaline. We're gonna win because... we're different. And that's what makes us special." Man, she was awesome. She even looked right at me as she said it with a huge smile on her face and I knew I was rocking a huge smile too. I couldn't help it, she was amazing. I looked at Dakota and saw his jaw drop, in shock. What an idiot.

"Jim Abbot," I said. "I have no idea who that is," I heard Kurt mumble from across the room.

I looked at Rachel with hope in my eyes. "He was an one-armed pitcher for the Yankees. Pitched a no-hitter."

"Okay, so, yeah. Misfits and spaz-heads and cripples can make it too. That's great. What's your point?"

I watched as Rachel walked right up to Dakota, a smile on her face. "Our point is that.. you're fired." I smiled and watched as her smiled widened. "..And I'm taller than you."

I smiled, never taking my eyes off of Rachel. She was so cool.

* * *

Had he just told me I needed a nose job? I was happy with how I looked and I knew I didn't have a Quinn nose or anything but I felt like breaking down in tears the moment Dakota Stanley looked at me and said that. I heard Finn standing up for me as my eyes flooded with tears.

"Now just hold on a second," he said to Dakota.

Had Dakota just called him Frankenteen? He was so rude! I loved how tall Finn was. And that 'Dopey' look Dakota said he had? I thought it was adorable. Finn was the hottest guy in school and I couldn't believe Dakota was tearing him up like this. I looked up at Finn and saw the hurt on his face. "What's wrong with you?" I heard him mumble, obviously still upset. Dakota went on to ramble about some woodland creature and hurting our feelings.. and that's when Finn quit and I knew I needed to do something.

"Wait!" I practically screeched. "Barbra Streisand. When Barbra was a young ingenue, everyone told her in order to be a star she'd have to get a nose job. Thankfully, she refused." I looked up at Finn and smiled shyly as he stared at me in awe.

"We don't need you," I continued. "Let's face it. We're never going to be as good of dancers as Vocal Adrenaline. We're gonna win because... we're different. And that's what makes us special." I looked Finn straight in the eyes, and I had hoped he caught my underlying meaning. He was special. And I was so sorry for hurting him before.

"Jim Abbot," Finn said, looking me in the eyes. "He was a one-armed pitcher for the yankees. Pitched a no-hitter." He walked up to me and stood beside me, smiling straight at me, that wonderful lopsided smile.

"What's your point?" I heard Dakota say.

I walked right up to him and looked down. "Our point is that.. you're fired. And I'm taller than you." I smiled brightly and watched Dakota's face fall.

* * *

It had been a few days since that whole Dakota thing and I hadn't really talked to Rachel about it. We were all practing our dancing with Mr. Schue and then Rachel gave her opinion.

"It was really good," she told Mr. Schue, smiling. I smiled and clapped. Everything was gonna be okay.

**I hope you're enjoying my story, it's the first time I've written. Please leave reviews and such! Thank you so much! **


	4. Chapter 4 - Preggers

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee**

**The song 'Tonight' comes from the Broadway musical 'West Side Story' **

**I hope you enjoy the story, please leave me some feedback it would mean a lot. **

* * *

"I'm sorry, there must be some sort of mix up. I thought I made it very clear that anything from "West Side Story" goes to me. Maria is my part! Natalie Wood was a Jew, you know. I've had a very deep, personal connection to this role since the age of one." I snorted to Mr. Schue. How DARE he give Tina the solo for West Side Story. I respect Tina's talent but I was born to play Maria.

"You're trying to punish me," I sneered at him only to be told I'm being irrational. "I think you're being unfair!" I yelled back.

"I think you're being unfair to Tina, who might have been happy about getting her first solo." I rolled my eyes at Mr. Schue. "Tina knows how much I respect her and I think she would agree with me that she's not ready for such an iconic role as Maria." Tina could barely speak, never mind play such an iconic role! With that, I stormed out of the room.

* * *

After the whole Rachel storm out, we were dismissed from Glee and I saw Kurt coming up to me.

"Finn? I need to ask you something?" Did he have like a dude crush on me or something? I mean, I was cool with gays and stuff but I didn't know if I was THAT cool..

"Thanks, but I already have a date to the prom. But I'm flattered! I know how important dances are to teen gays." I smiled at him sincerely.

"I'm not gay," he spat out.

_Awkward. _

"I just.. I need a favor."

* * *

"Just relax, okay? Remember what I told you. Keep your eye on the ball…don't try to aim it. Okay, put your helmet on."

I was actually terrified Kurt was going to get hurt. I looked at him, dressed in a red sweatshirt with a.. does he have a headband on? Aw man, the team is gonna _kill_ him.

"It'll mess up my hair," I heard him complain. I resisted rolling my eyes and helped Kurt put his helmet on. I took a step back when it was on properly and looked at him. "That's good. Red's your color." I smiled. "Thank you for helping me with this, Finn. You're really cool." I smiled even wider. That meant a lot to me, all I ever wanted to be was a nice guy and I was proud of myself for helping out a cool dude like Kurt. With a shrug I replied, "Well, I figure, the more crossover between Glee and football, the easier my life's gonna be."

I watched Kurt start to walk away, confused. "Woah, woah, woah, where are you going?"

"To get my music ready." He said it like it was the most simple and natural thing in the world. _Was he CRAZY_?

"Wh-what?" I stuttered out, "Are you nuts? You can't use that!"

"But we did when we were rehearsing!" Kurt fired back at me.

"PRACTICING," I practically yelled. "And no one was around! Look, do you know how much interference I had to run with these guys just to get you this try-out? If you do it your way, they're gonna kill you!" I was even more than terrified now I was.. I don't even know the word! I was freaking the hell out.

"My body is like a rum chocolate soufflé. If I don't warm it up right, it doesn't rise. If I'm doing this, I'm doing it my way."

I watched as Kurt walked away. Did he really just compare his body to a cake or whatever?

"So are you two an item now, or...? He doesn't belong here!" Puck grumbled. I rolled my eyes.

After a little pep talk or whatever from Coach, Kurt made his way through my team.

"Hi, I'm Kurt Hummel and I'll be auditioning for the role of kicker." I heard some guys laugh and I rolled my eyes, looking at Kurt to see his reaction. He just looked grossed out by them.

I walked with Kurt to the center of the field and prepared myself for what was about to happen. I watched him move his hips to 'Single Ladies' and then kick the football... right through the goal posts. He turned to me.

"That was good, right?"

I looked into the distance, and saw the jaws of my teammates and Coach drop to the ground. I chuckled and looked at Kurt, smiling. "Yeah."

I held that smile until Coach announced Kurt the new kicker. I was happy for him.

* * *

I saw Quinn in the hallway at her locker, crying. Curious, I started calling her name only to have her ignore me and walk in the opposite direction.

"Quinn! Quinn!" I called out, "Hey, what's with the silent treatment? Whatever I did, I'm sorry!" I saw her stop in the middle of the hallway and I took longer strides to catch up with her. She looked me dead in the eyes and that's when my world stopped.

"I'm pregnant."

It was like my body shut down, like my heart stopped beating or something. How was this even possible? We had never even had sex before! She barely let me get past second base! My life was over. I was officially going to be a Lima Loser forever. I was actually going to be a Dad.. I was too young for this shit!

"I wasn't sure, and I really didn't want to go by myself, and I'm so sorry that I didn't tell you sooner!" Tears were pouring down her face and I stood in front of her, shocked.

"M-Mine?" I heard myself stutter out.

"Yes, you. Who else's would it be?" She questioned me, looking at me like I was a total idiot.

"But.. we.. we never.."

"Last month," she said, looking annoyed. "Hot tub."

I thought back to that moment, when we were making out in the hot tub and I got that.. feeling. It was my fault though, I have an.. early arrival problem. All I remember was Quinn yelling at me to think of the mail. It was too late though, it didn't work. I shook my head at the thought and came back to reality.

"But we were wearing our swimsuits!"

"Ask Jeeves said a hot tub is the perfect temperature for sperm. It, it helps it swim faster." Why had I not know that? My heart started beating wildly and I started like, really tripping out.

"Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Are – are you gonna get a…?" I looked at Quinn's face, trying to search it for an answer. All I got in reply were more tears, and a shake of her head.

"No. I really thought I had a shot at getting out of here! No." She crumbled into my chest and I had no idea what to do, or even what to say. I was never good with crying girls so all I did was just kind of hold her.

My life was over and it had barely even begun.

* * *

"An opportunity arose for me to showcase my talents and I took it. How is that any different from when you quit Glee to form your boy band?" I sneered at Mr. Schue, upset that he accused me of such a thing.

"I didn't do it out of spite," he sneered back.

I gasped in shock. "I'm offended by that accusation. I've always been a team player. Just admit it, Mr. Schue, you don't like me very much."

"That's not true! I am your biggest, and sometimes your only fan." That one stung a little bit.

My voice shook as I spoke. "Look, I know who I am, okay? I know I can be a little abrasive, bossy, and conceited. I'm just hurt that you chose to judge me on that rather than on my talent. I know it sounds awful, but I'm the best one in there! I try the hardest and I want it the most."

Mr. Schue looked at me, nodding his head. "Everyone knows that. And they're scared of it. They all think that they can slack off because you'll pick up their weight. We can't win Regionals like that! We need everyone to think that they're a star."

I looked down at my feet. " I'm not quitting Glee… I'm just looking for a reason to stay."

"Oh, like me taking the solo away from Tina?" My head shot back up. How dare he.

"Everyone on the team is getting something out of being there. You're doing a great job at getting them out of their shells. Except for me. I'm still getting my lipstick flushed down the toilet… I still don't have a boyfriend. Tina's great, but why do you have to hurt me to make her feel good?" I looked down again. I didn't want to break down in front of Mr. Schue but it was true. I knew who I was, it was everybody else who was gaining something from joining Glee but I just felt like I was being torn apart.

"Just come to rehearsal," Mr. Schue said quietly before I left, thinking about his suggestion.

* * *

I walked onto the stage, knowing Mr. Schue would be in there and I heard him asking me what was up or something but I couldn't respond. Instead, I just broke down on his shoulder, wrapping my arms around him. I couldn't even form a thought, I just wanted.. no I _needed _comfort. Even if it was just from Mr. Schue. And at that, I felt his arms wrap around me and give me the comfort I needed.

He took me to a restaurant in Lima to get me to open up.

"Thanks a lot for this, Mr. Schue. Couldn't talk to my mom, y'know?"

I looked up to see a little boy and his Dad and I frowned.

"So.. how far along is she?" Mr. Schue asked. I realized I didn't really know. "Uh, a couple weeks, maybe? It's pretty recent, I guess." I was cool about talking to Mr. Schue but I didn't really wanna tell him about the whole hot tub thing...

" Well, what do you, what do you need me to do? You want me to set you up with Planned Parenthood?" I shook my head, lowering my eyes. "No. No, it's not even a conversation. She's keeping it," I mumbled.

"I've seen the guys around town who had kids in high school. They work here or at the supermarket or pumping gas… or worse. They're caged. Got no future. I can't become one of those dudes! Mr. Schue, I gotta go to college, but we don't have any money. I need a football scholarship, but the only way I'm gonna get one is if we start winning." I was definitely not gonna be one of those dudes. I was not gonna be a Lima loser.

So I told Mr. Schue about my idea to get the football team guys loosened up. I told him he could teach them to dance, and they would start to trust him and maybe even wanna join Glee. I got the idea from a book in the library.. did you know you can just like, borrow books from there? Pretty cool.

After the whole dance rehearsal with the football team I walked out, thinking about Quinn and the baby and being a Lima loser. And then Puck was right up my ass.

"What's your problem?"

"Nothing. I just got a lot on my mind." I didn't wanna tell him about the baby thing. I actually didn't want to talk to him at all.

"Seriously, dude. What's going on? I'm your best friend. Talk." Some best friend he was.

"It's personal." I tried getting away from him and out of that stupid school.

"I knew it. You're in love with Kurt." I snapped and it just came out.

"Quinn's pregnant. She's keeping the baby," I mumbled, quickly walking away.

I needed to get out of here.

* * *

I knew everybody would be shocked when we started dancing to 'Single Ladies' but I hadn't expected it to be as quiet as it was.

"HIKE!" I yelled, passing the football to Puck who scored a touchdown.

'This was Kurt's time to shine,' I thought, walking him walk out to the center of the field.

I watched as the ball flew through the goal posts and smiled. Yes!

I walked over to Quinn, bouncing around in her Cheerios uniform, and kissed her. This was so awesome.

* * *

I saw Quinn standing at her locker and walked over to her, seeing her smile at me.

"Hey." I said, pulling my gee-ge out of my pocket and handing it to her. I told her that my dad got it for me when I was born and I wanted our kid to have it.

"I'm gonna do everything I can to be a good father," I said confidently, looking at her. "Thank you, Finn," she mumbled in reply.

Puck walked up to us and I felt Quinn's body go tense.

"Hey, guys. How you doing? You know, lately, I've been getting really sick in the morning." Puck said, looking from me to Quinn.

"Must be a virus," I heard my girlfriend mumble.

"Hey, are you putting on a little weight? You should watch your carbs. They're not going to be able to hoist you to the top of that cheerleading pyramid much longer." I was shocked. He could be an asshole, yeah but what the hell?

"Hey," I said, standing in front of Quinn. "Don't talk to my girlfriend like that."

Puck looked at Quinn, who was standing behind me and shot her a dirty glare. "You know what? You're right. I was out of line. See you guys around." I watched him walk away and then turned to look at my girlfriend, confused. Her eyes were glazed over with tears.

* * *

"Let's start today with "Tonight" from West Side Story," Mr. Schue offered, smiling.

My mouth opened into a smile and I grinned, excited to sing.

"Tina, show us what you got."

My mouth quickly turned into a frown. I was hurt. How could Mr. Schue not see how he was hurting me? And now I looked like a fool, I had come back and this is how I was being treated? No. I'm a star and I expect my talent to be respected.

I quit the Glee Club.

* * *

**Authors Note: I'm sorry there's no Finchel in this chapter. I love writing for Finchel and if I had written for Glee every episode would contain Finchel. But don't worry, there is Finchel coming up, especially in the next chapter 'The Rhodes Not Taken.' **

**Please let me know if you're enjoying the story and leave some reviews**


	5. Chapter 5 - The Rhodes Not Taken

**Authors Note/ I'm sorry that there was basically no Finchel in the last chapter but there is DEFINITELY some Finchel here. I loved writing this chapter, it was really fun for me. Please leave reviews!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any songs used**

**Songs Used  
Don't Stop Believin' - Journey  
Somebody to Love - Queen**

* * *

**A singer in a smoky room  
A smell of wine and cheap perfume  
For a smile, they can share the night  
It goes on and on and on and on**

As soon as Quinn ran out of the room I felt like every eye in the room was on me.

"I think she just had a bad breakfast burrito," I said, smiling at Mr. Schue, hoping everybody would back off.

"That Rachel chick makes me wanna light myself on fire, but she can sing," Puck said, from the back of the room.

Mr. Schue was pretty set on the fact that Rachel was gone so he just told us to take five and I knew this was my chance to go up to him.

"Uh, Mr. Schue? With all the dancing and stuff that Quinn's doing.. I'm kind of worried about the baby.." I mumbled, whispering.

"You think you might wanna tell your mom what's going on?"

It was like I had warning bells go off in my head at the word 'Mom.' Was he gonna rat me out? He was cool and all but he was an adult and adults had like, a code or something.. I think.

"No no," I said quickly, "I think I'm gonna handle this myself. My mom's got enough to worry about." I walked away before he could say anything.

Scholarship? From sticking with Glee? No way. This is _way_ too awesome.

If I got a scholarship I could get into some fancy school and get a really good job and eventually I'll be able to raise my family with Quinn and the baby.

Rachel's face popped up in my head.

"We lost Rachel, do you think we could do it without her?" I asked Ms. Pillsbury. My heart ached at that sentence. And for some reason, in the back of my mind I felt like maybe Rachel's face didn't pop in my head because of Glee.. it popped into my head when I thought of having a family. I quickly shook the thought from my mind and tried to focus on what Ms. Pillsbury was saying.

"Sure! Definitely!" Even though she was all excited sounded and stuff I felt like she wasn't telling me the truth.

So she suggested giving Rachel a talk.

And that's when the lights in my head really starting going off.

* * *

I always thought Jacob Ben Israel was extremely creepy but he did run the school's most read blog and I wanted fame more than anything.

So doing an interview was gre- did he just ask me to show my bra?

"You mean the one I'm wearing?" I asked him, confused and slightly disgusted.

Did he just call my bra and over the shoulder- whatever. This was absolutely degrading! SWEATER PUPPIES? This was absolutely ridiculous!

Jacob Ben Israel was a male chauvinist pig! I walked away from him, revolted.  
As Jacob was leaving, I looked down at my chest which was completely covered in my heart printed sweater.

* * *

_Where was she?_

I had checked almost every classroom for Rachel, until I saw Jewfro quickly walking out of a one, talking to himself about Rachel.

'Perfect!' I thought, as I walked in, only to see Rachel leaning on a desk, looking down at her feet- no. Was she looking at her boobs?

She was holding her hair away from her face, like she was trying to get a better view of her tits. She didn't really have huge boobs but she was really pretty and.. I felt my cheeks heating up and a smile spread over my face as I looked at her.

"Hey, what are you doing?" I asked her, looking at her curiously.

Her head shot up quickly. "N-Nothing," she stuttered. I smiled again, shyly, but she ignored it. "Just getting the star treatment I didn't get in Glee."

Okay. Operation Get Rachel Back To Glee starts now.

I slowly walked up to her, my hands in my pockets. "Totally." I said, getting closer.

"It's times like this where I know I've chosen the right path," she went on to explain. I smiled at her again, and she lowered her head before continued. "I'm never going back to Glee, it's clear my talent is too big for an ensemble."

I shrugged my shoulders. "Not gonna get an argument from me."

Her face fell in shock and I saw disappointment in her eyes. "I'm not?"

I took a step closer to her. "No, you're like the most talented person I know," I said, sitting across from her, looking straight into her eyes.

"Even more than that guy at the mall who can juggle chainsaws." I saw her look at me, and I gave her a shy smile. I think this was working.

"I just wanted you to know that if you needed someone to run lines with... I'm available." I shrugged my shoulder casually and I saw her big brown eyes looking right into mine. She started to stutter and her bottom lip started quivering before she answered.

"There is a lot of dialogue," she said, breathlessly.

I got closer to her and watched her lick her lips before speaking (in the most sexy sounding voice I could). "I figured we could go somewhere quiet, maybe with low lighting-" I trailed my eyes up from the floor to look at her and shrugged again, watching her swallow. This was so totally working!

"Lemme know," I told her, lifting my chin closer to her face and smiling before leaving the room.

But I couldn't help my heart from getting that sinking feeling like I was doing something really wrong, really bad. I really didn't wanna hurt Rachel, I actually really liked her but my family came first. I tried ignoring the guilt I felt, but I just.. I couldn't.

* * *

"I just wanted you to know that if you needed someone to run lines with... I'm available." I looked into his amber colored eyes and my heart fluttered. He wanted to run lines with me? I was in shock and sputtered out the first words I could think of. Everything else in my mind had turned to mush the moment Finn's eyes made contact with mine.

"There is a lot of dialogue," I told him, nervously.

He stepped closer to me. Close enough that if I reached up, I would be able to kiss him. "I figured we could go somewhere quiet, maybe with low lighting-" I felt like my heart stopped when his eyes met mine, and he lowered his shoulders. I was speechless.

"Lemme know," he said before walking away, leaving me in the classroom.

I took a deep breath and tried to hide my giddiness, waving Finn goodbye.

* * *

"I'm sleeping with him."

"So am I," I replied, looking right into Rachel's huge eyes.

I thought about what I had just said... I was sleeping with a dude? No thanks.

"This play's weird," I admitted to her, frowning.

"You're a really good actor Finn," Rachel said, looking up at me. Nobody had really told me I was good at anything before but when I was Rachel I felt like I was good at everything. She always made me feel so good about myself. "Maybe you should consider joining the musical.." she offered.

The point of this plan was to get her back into Glee, not for Glee to lose Rachel AND me!

"I'm pretty devoted to Glee, I don't think I could just walk away from it... I know how hard it was for you." I looked at her, trying to read her face for a reaction. Disappointment. She looked disappointed.

"But I could justify doing both if you came back." I offered, looking at her, trying to look hopeful.

Her big brown eyes just stared at me "But we both know thats not gonna happen." I continued.

_This was it._ It was time to put the plan into play.

"Do you know what we should do?"

"Elope?" Rachel said. Wasn't that like, running away to get married?

"What?" I asked, confused and surprised.

"Nothing," she said quickly, looking away from me.

"We should go bowling!" I said, walking behind her. "You're always so stressed out about the play; you just need to loosen up."

I sat down beside her and felt her body tense, but I continued talking. "I always go bowling when I'm worked up about a big game or something." I looked at her, and looked away quickly. Why was I so nervous? Her body still felt tense beside mine but mine was tense too.

'Snap out of it, you've got her wrapped around your finger!' I thought to myself

"Just us?" I heard her ask, breaking my train of thought.

I smiled up at her. "Yeah," I said casually. The guilt hit me again. She was obviously really into me and I was just using her. I was such a jerk.

I heard her begin to stutter her reply. "Y-Y-Yeah, that would be great. I'm really stressed out. But that's the price you pay for being a star." I smiled at her and tried to shake off the nervousness I was feeling. I was basically shaking. That's when I heard April's voice and I quickly jumped up.

I tried defending Rachel when Mr. Schue told her April was taking her part in 'Don't Stop Believing.' That was her part. Her part for me and her to sing together. I smiled, thinking of the first time we sang it together. I watched Rachel walk out and felt my heart drop. I didn't like the fact that Mr. Schue was hurting her so why was it okay if I hurt her? I really.. I really liked Rachel and it hurt to see her so upset. And again, I felt that sickening heart dropping feeling.

* * *

I ran to the bathroom after my director yelled at me, telling me I sucked. I cried in front of the mirror, trying to pull myself together but nothing seemed to be working. And April coming in didn't help; she just made me feel worse.

Did she say she had her eyes on Finn? MY Finn? She was so disgusting! She was the female equivalent of Jacob Ben Israel!

* * *

"Do I have to put my fingers in the holes?" This whole bowling thing seemed incredibly unhygienic and when had those bowling balls last been cleaned?

Finn picked up a bright pink bowling ball and handed it to me. "Pink's your favorite color, right?"

I smiled, trying to get my fingers into the disease infested holes of the bowling ball.

"Now what?"

I felt his hand touch my back as he guided me towards the bowling lane. He put one hand on my shoulder and one on my back, explaining how to bowl. His hands were so gentle, which surprised me because they were so large. I looked up at him and smiled softly.

He watched me bowl my ball (right into the gutter, if I may add) and I looked up at him, nervous to see what his reaction would be. He was laughing as he watched my ball fall behind the bowling pins at looked down at me.

"You sure this is your first time?" Finn teasingly said. I smiled widely at him and gave him a soft push, making him smiling back.

* * *

I handed Rachel a bright pink ball that caught my eye and I smiled. "Pink's your favorite color, right?"

She looked at me and smiled shyly before looking down to get her fingers into the holes of the bright ball.

"Now what?"

I led her to the lane and put my hands on her, feeling her body tense at first but then relax underneath my hands. I smiled and explained how to throw the ball.

I laughed at I watched her ball go right into the gutter and looked down at her. "You sure this is your first time?" I asked, grinning. She touched my stomach and pushed me really playfully, smiling up at me. She was really cute.

Like_ really_ cute.

* * *

"How's Glee?" I asked Finn, watching him slurp his soda.

He laughed a bit. "Oh, huh, well. Everybody misses you," he smiled, smiling at me.

I shook my head quickly. They all hated me. "They miss my talent."

"No, no." Finn said, just as quickly. "We were friends," he said, lifting his shoulders. "We just miss having you around."

"I loved Glee, I just don't see the point in wasting my time somewhere I'm not appreciated." It was true. I did love Glee but nobody appreciated my talent. Mr. Schue gave my solo to TINA for goodness sake!

"I appreciate you," Finn said, looking into my eyes. I sat there, shocked, trying to read what was going on behind his hazel eyes. That only lasted a few seconds because he got up quickly, leaving me at the table.

* * *

I drank my soda awkwardly, not knowing what to say to Rachel. It wasn't even that, it was just.. I was so nervous. I was at a bowling alley with a really pretty, funny, smart girl and it was like a first date. I was so damn nervous.

"How's Glee?" Rachel asked, to break the silence.

I smiled up at her "Everybody misses you." That was a bit of a white lie. Mostly they just complained about her but I know Mercedes and Kurt and Tina did kinda miss for, for more than just her voice.

It was like she read my mind.

"They miss my talent."

"No, no. We were friends," I said, shrugging softly. "We just miss having you around." I tried smiling at her. I don't know if anybody else truly missed her.. but I really did.

"I loved Glee, I just don't see the point in wasting my time somewhere I'm not appreciated."

"I appreciate you."

It totally just slipped out of my mouth. I hadn't even thought about it, I just kinda said it. I looked into those dark eyes of hers and watched her cheeks pink with blush before I hurried to leave the table.

* * *

Finn went to go get my pink ball.

"It's your last ball," he said, smiling at me.

I grinned at him and got up to retrieve my ball from his hands, kissing it (forgetting all about the diseases on it) and silently praying that I would bowl the pins down.  
I threw the ball and watched it roll down the alley.. and hit down all the pins!  
I jumped up, throwing my hands over my face and jumped into Finn's arms. He was smiling and laughing and I felt his arms wrap around me, hugging me tightly.  
I pulled away, looking from his eyes to his lips and kissed him.

It was just as amazing as I remembered.

* * *

The sound of Rachel's bright pink ball hitting down all the pins made me smile and the sight of her jumping for joy made me smile even wider.  
She jumped into my arms, tightening them around my neck and I tightened mine around her back, lifting her from the ground.  
Her eyes met mine and she pulled away and I looked at her lips before looking back into her eyes. But her eyes weren't focused on mine. She was looking at my-

Her lips came crashing down on mine and her hands wrapped around my neck. I kissed her back until I realized what I was doing and I tensed, pulling away. I really didn't want to pull away. Had she just kissed me? I had a girlfriend! But.. I really.. I really wanted to feel her lips on mine again. Her eyes met mine.

"Come back to Glee."

"What about Quinn?" Rachel asked, as I licked my lips, trying to taste her again.

"I don't know what's gonna happen in the future I just know that.." What was I saying? I was cheating on Quinn! But Rachel..

_Wow_.  
_Rachel_.

I got sucked into her big brown eyes and kept talking. "I wanna spend more time with you now."

"I'll.. I'll have to quit the play," she stuttered out.

I looked away from her, guilt building up in my stomach. She was gonna quit the play. For me. She thought I was really into her. I mean, I was but. This was such a bad plan.

"I'll do it!" Rachel said, smiling up at me and nodding.

I smiled back and reached down to hug her. It felt like home in her arms.. What had I just done? What was I doing? She was sacrificing the play for me?

I felt sick to my stomach.

* * *

I marched right into the choir room.

"Yes, you heard right, I am returning to Glee Club!"

Everybody turned away from me, completely ignoring my presence. Had they not heard what I just said?

"Uh, I'm sorry, I thought I'd be welcomed back with a tad more enthusiam?" I questioned, looking around the room.

It was only a few moments later that I was brought down from my high and felt my heart shatter.  
Quinn was pregnant with Finn's baby?  
He had lied to me. He had used me. And I fell for it! I was so, so, so stupid!  
It took everything I had not to break down.

I was heartbroken.

* * *

I turned around at the sound of my name and saw Rachel storming towards me, greeting me with a- slap in the face?

OW. _WHAT THE FUCK.  
_ I looked at Rachel, shocked.

"You're a liar. Why didn't you tell me Quinn was pregnant?"

"Who told you?" I mumbled.

"Everyone knows but me, I'm the only fool who went out with you and let you kiss me thinking you actually had feelings for me." I saw the hurt in her eyes and my heart immediately dropped.

"But I-I do!" I closed my eyes, trying to avoid seeing the hurt in hers and continued "Yeah, I haven't been totally honest with you but that's different than lying." I opened my eyes to see her shaking her head furiously. "Well, it's not that much different but.. but look.."

So I told her the truth.

"I need to get a music scholarship so I can go to college, so I could get a good job, so I can take care of my kid. And.. I can't do that if you don't come back to Glee Club. You should take it as a compliment." I looked into her eyes and watched the anger fade into sadness.

She just looked so sad and so hurt and so.. so heartbroken. I wanted to reach out and wrap my arms around her but I knew why she was so sad and hurt and heartbroken. It was because I was a jerk.

"You could have just been honest with me," she said, looking at me, tears in her eyes.

I looked at the floor, trying to figure out what to say. "Look, I know what I did was wrong. I get that. But.. that kiss was real."

"Whatever it was it ruined any chance of me ever coming back to Glee. Hope you have fun playing house with Quinn while you languish in your little ensemble but my dreams are bigger than that," Rachel said, backing away from me. "And they're bigger than you," she added, turning her back to me. I

I stood in the middle of the hallway and watched her walk away.

This time, it was _my_ heart that was breaking.

* * *

I walked up to him and slapped him right in the face, laying all my anger out on his cheek.

I watched a red mark of my hand surface on his face

"You're a liar. Why didn't you tell me Quinn was pregnant?" I yelled at him.

"Who told you?" Finn whispered, avoiding my gaze.

"Everyone knows but me, I'm the only fool who went out with you and let you kiss me thinking you actually had feelings for me." I felt the tears well up in my eyes again. I was a fool for thinking the allstar quarterback would fall for me. I was such an idiot! I was so, so stupid. I pushed the tears out of my eyes.

"But I-I do!" Finn stuttered out. "Yeah, I haven't been totally honest with you but that's different than lying." How was that different at all? I shook my head quickly before he continued "Well, it's not that much different but.. but look.. I need to get a music scholarship so I can go to college, so I could get a good job, so I can take care of my kid. And.. I can't do that if you don't come back to Glee Club. You should take it as a compliment."

How could I possibly take that as a compliment? Out of all people, I trusted him to not take advantage of me. I thought he cared about me. I felt the tears come to my eyes again as my heart shattered.

"You could have just been honest with me."

"Look, I know what I did was wrong. I get that. But.. that kiss was real."

I was floored. Heartbroken and absolutely floored. He was saying NOW that he thought that kiss was real? After I just told him I caught him lying to me?

"Whatever it was it ruined any chance of me ever coming back to Glee. Hope you have fun playing house with Quinn while you languish in your little ensemble but my dreams are bigger than that," I said, slowly backing away from him. "And they're bigger than you," I added, turning my back to Finn so he wouldn't see my tears, leaving him standing in the hallway.

* * *

I watched the Glee Club perform from the back of the auditorium, with tears in my eyes. I saw how happy Finn looked. It broke my heart once again as I watched everybody cheer for them. I should have been up there, singing April's part. That should have been me.

I walked into the backstage room, hearing Mr. Schue let my friends know that April wasn't going to sing and the performance would be cut short. I still cared about them and I wanted to be with them.

So I offered my voice.

I told them I quit the play. The stardom didn't make me feel as special as I felt the times I was performing with them.

"I know all the words to the song," I offered, only to be shot down by Quinn.

"You don't know the choreography." She was right. I didn't. I didn't want to embarrass them up there, so I took a step back, nodding my head.

"Then we're gonna have to give her a lotta help out there," I heard a voice say. I looked up to see Finn, smiling at me.

"Go get in your costume." I smiled widely and Mr. Schue and ran to get my costume on.

* * *

She quit the play for us? Even after.. everything?  
I looked at Rachel in awe and wonder, my mouth hanging open.  
Even after all that stuff in the hallway.. she wanted to come back and help us?

I heard Quinn knock her offer down and I knew I had to prove to Rachel that she really did mean something to me. She had since the first time we sang together.

"Then we're gonna have to give her a lotta help out there," I said, smiling at her, knowing that Quinn was giving me a cold, evil looking stare.

I saw the corners of Rachel's mouth twitch into a slight smile.

That was all it took for my heart to flutter.

* * *

**I have spent all my years in believing you  
But I just can't get no relief, Lord!  
Somebody, somebody**

I grabbed Rachel's hand, and led her up the stairs, smiling

* * *

**Got no feel, I got no rhythm  
I just keep losing my beat**

I watched Finn sing, my stomach twisting into knots at how cute he looked. He sang with so much passion.

* * *

**I just gotta get out of this prison cell  
Someday I'm gonna be free, Lord!**

I grabbed Rachel's forearm and slowly let go, not wanting to miss out on touching her soft skin.

* * *

**Can anybody find me somebody to love?**

We looked at each other, singing and smiling  
That's when it clicked in my head.

I had found my somebody.

And her name was Rachel Berry.

* * *

Once again, I hope you guys enjoyed it! Thanks so much for reading


	6. Chapter 6 - Vitamin D

**Authors Note/ I had time to write two chapters today so I hope you enjoy them both. More Finchel friendship/humour than romance/angst in this one. It's also not a long chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or the songs used**

**Songs:  
It's My Life - Bon Jovi  
Confessions - Usher  
Halo - Beyonce  
Walking on Sunshine - Katrina and the Waves**

* * *

"Here's the deal. Two teams. Boys versus girls. One week from today, you will each perform a mash-up of your choice."

I mentally screeched, incredibly excited. I was competitive by nature, so of course I was thrilled about a boys versus girls mash-ups.

* * *

"He's drooling," I heard a distant voice say.

"Dude, wake up," another one said. Puck. I'm pretty sure it was Puck's voice.

"Sure, yeah, that sounds good," I mumbled, my eyes heavy.

"I said, we can't let those girls beat us," Puck said, a hard edge in his voice.

"Sorry. Sometimes when I'm thinking real hard, it helps to close my eyes," I said, drifting back to sleep.

I heard some mumbling going on that sounded distant and then Puck shook me a bit.

"Dude. What's wrong with you? Go see the nurse. Every day I say I have a headache, I sleep for three hours. I haven't attended a math class in two years."

I took his suggestion into consideration and figured it wouldn't hurt to go. I was so tired, what was wrong with a little sleep?

I basically slept walk into the nurse's office.

* * *

"Okay, girls, we need to get started!"

I knew for us to win this competition I would need to be the leader of the group and lead us to victory! I did a quick headcount, realizing that somebody was missing. _Quinn_.

"Where's Quinn?"

I heard Brittany answer, "Probably down at the mall looking for elastic-waist pants." Poor Quinn.

Mercedes spoke up. "Chill out. I already picked the songs. We're gonna do a mash-up of 'Halo' and 'Walking On Sunshine.'"

_EXCUSE ME_? Did she say SHE chose those songs? She did not have the skill necessary to realize that those songs would blend together perfectly. I rolled my eyes in her direction, letting her know that those songs were my idea, not hers.

"Whatever. Come on, we can do this in our sleep. You think those six dudes are gonna give us any competition? I say we just wing it."

She was so.. so.. _rude_!

"We can't just wing it," I yelled. That would guarantee us LOSING to the boys! I couldn't let that happen.

"All those in favour of winging it?" Mercedes asked. 3 hands shot up.

"All those opposed?" I quickly raised my hand.

"Looks like the ayes have it," Mercedes said, laughing.

This was absolutely ridiculous.

* * *

Did she just tell me I had good bone structure? And what was Mrs. Schuester doing in the nurse's office, with a nurse outfit on?

"I've been really tired lately and I was wondering if I could lie down in here for a while," I mumbled, trying to find the bed in the room.

She started asking me all these really weird questions about like my sleep habits and what time I went to bed and stuff and then she started asking me what I thought about in bed... that's when she started freaking out at me. I rubbed my temples. I really didn't need this right now, I was so tired and I just wanted to sleep.

"GIRLS? But you're dating Quinn Fabray!" Why was she yelling at me? What did she care? And how did she even know Quinn?

"Yeah, but... do you think a guy can be into two girls at once?" I asked. I really didn't care what she thought I just wanted to get her off my case and go to sleep.

I heard her say something but my eyes were like, closing.

"So can I take my nap now?" I asked.

"Do you want to sleep through your life, Finn?" NO. I just wanted to sleep like, right now! Could see not see how tired I was.. was she even a nurse? I thought she worked at like Sheets N Things or whatever.

She gave me this package of little blue pills and told me to pop two of them every day to stay awake and stuff. So I did.

_Wow. _

I skipped into the choir room and saw my friends there. God, they looked great. I had a bunch of good looking dude friends! They're so cool. I'm so cool!

"Hey, guys, how's it going? God, it's a beautiful day. Let's run through the number. I can't waitto do the number. I'm ready and excited. Are you guys? Stand up. Come on. Let's get this joint jumping." I jumped up to get my point across.

They all stared at me like I had two noses or something. They were so boring.

"Has your soul been taken over by caffeinated space aliens?" Artie asked me, looking at me like I did something wrong.

"No, just visited the school nurse," I said, jumping around. I felt great! "Got this great vitamin. I feel fantastic. I can't wait to do the number." My jaw dropped as I came up with the best idea like _ever_. "Let's do the number, and then afterwards, we can build a house for Habitat For Humanity!"

My friends all looked at each other like I was crazy or something.

"What kind of vitamin?" Puck asked me.

"VITAMIN D!" I yelled. "And I got you guys some," I added, smiling.

* * *

**This ain't a song for the broken hearted  
No silent prayer for the faith departed  
And I ain't gonna be just a face in the crowd  
You're gonna hear my voice when I shout it out aloud**

What was up with Finn? I mean, yes he did look incredibly cute bouncing around and singing but something just seemed.. different.

**It's now or never  
I ain't gonna live forever  
I just wanna live while I'm alive**

He continued singing, and I looked up right into his eyes. They were always gleaming but today it was like they were sparkling.

I watched the other guys sing and dance as well, with much more enthusiasm than I had ever expected.  
I looked into the eyes of Artie, Puck, Mike, Kurt and Matt. Oddly enough, they were shining as brightly as Finn's.  
Something was definitely up with these guys and I was going to figure out what it was.

* * *

I spotted Quinn at her locker and walked up to her.

"I haven't seen you at glee rehearsals," I said, pointedly.

"I'm not superwoman. I know Glee is your whole life but I have the Cheerios, I'm on honour roll, I have friends." I resisted rolling my eyes and gave her a shy smile instead.

"You don't have to be embarrassed. No one at Glee is gonna judge you. Look, I know everyone expects us to be enemies and be in competition, but I don't hate you." I looked into Quinn's eyes to see her reaction. To my surprise, her eyes were shiny and wet with tears.

"Why not? I've been awful to you," she said, shaking her head.

"That was before you knew what it felt like to be me. An outsider. More people are gonna start finding out about this, and you're gonna need friends who can relate." I smiled at Quinn again, only to see the tears disappear from her eyes.

"How can you relate to what I'm going through?" Quinn sneered at me. I swallowed the lump in my throat and spoke softly.

"You don't think people whisper about me in the lunchrooms or draw pornographic pictures of me on the bathroom walls?"

I saw her cheeks pink and she admitted that it was her who did that.  
I told her she needed Glee. It would help her enjoy her youth.

"I would have tortured you if the roles were reversed, you know?"

I smiled at her, and looked straight into her eyes.

"I know."

* * *

"CHEATER!" I yelled as soon as I saw Finn and I saw his face drop.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he mumbled.

"You took performance enhancers before your mash-up. Kurt told me. It's deplorable, contemptible, and it's just plain wrong. It's also cheating, as a matter of fact, I'm going to start calling you F-Rod." I was so disappointed in him. Finn was better than this!

"Hey, hey, back off. I'm nothing like A-Rod, okay? I'd never take steroids. They make your junk fall off. Listen, Rachel, you don't know what it's like for me, the kind of pressure I'm under." For a second, I felt bad for him. He did have a lot of pressure, he was constantly in the spotlight being the quarterback and all.. no. I had pressures too but I didn't resort to performance enhancers!

I thought back to my daily routinue.

I woke up a 6 and made myself a hearty banana and flaxseed oil protein shake. By 6:10 I was on the elliptical. I knew what my goals were and I wouldn't stop till I reached them.

"Yeah, well, that's personal pressure," Finn said, rolling his eyes at me. "If you don't meet your goal, you're the only one who loses. I have to be the quarterback, the male lead, and deal with a pregnant girlfriend who yells at me about ice cream, so, yeah, maybe I helped me and my team-mates out a little bit, but it's only because I'm sick and tired of working so hard and still losing."

Again, I did feel bad for him but he was better than this!

"Yeah, but winning by cheating isn't winning," I said.

"Oh, don't give me that. The only reason you're so pissed about this is 'cause you know you can't compete with us," Finn said in a not at all flirty tone. He actually sounded rather serious. I was offended.

"We're gonna win, you're gonna lose. Deal with it," Finn added, storming off.

So I went to the nurse's office. I could not let them win.

* * *

"If there's two things America needs right now, that is sunshine and optimism. Also angels."

_What the hell did she just say?_

**You're everything I need and more  
It's written all over your face (I'm walking on sunshine, wooah)  
Baby I can feel your halo  
And don't it feel good!**

'They took those enhancement pills!' I thought, as I watched Rachel, (who was actually looking so sexy in that little yellow sundress) Tina, Mercedes, Santana, Brittany and my girlfriend flip their hair back and forth as they sang and danced.

And she had been mad at me!  
What a cheater.

* * *

I caught up to Rachel in the courtyard yelling, "What's up, a-rage? Hey, sweet mash-up. You guys were _so_ energetic."

She turned to me, a guilty look in her eyes.

"We were just taking a lesson from major league baseball. It's not cheating if everyone's doing it. We were just levelling out the playing field." I saw her face drop a little and I knew what she was thinking, before I even asked.

"You really believe that?" I said, softly.

She looked at me, tears gathering in her eyes.

"No. Okay, I feel terrible. Even if we win, it's not gonna be satisfying." I smiled at her and nodded my head, agreeing. I didn't even remember performing.

Rachel, being smart as ever (which was just one of the many things I liked about her) suggested we should drop out of the competition. I totally agreed.

"I'm sorry about what I said the other day. About calling you contemptible and deplorable."

I looked down at her, smiling. She was really nice. She smiled back up at me and I looked away, shrugging my shoulders. It didn't matter.. I didn't even know what those words meant, I admitted, smiling.

She smiled back.

* * *

Mr. Schue was so disappointed in us. I felt horrible for what I had done and tried apologizing, once again, on behalf of my fellow teammates and myself.

"Well, it's not that simple. Because of this debacle, it's been decided that I'm no longer fit to run glee club myself. We've been assigned a co-director."

'A co-director?' I thought, frowning.

And then Ms. Sylvester walked in, confident as ever in her hideous tracksuit.

This was absolutely _horrendous._

* * *

**Please leave reviews! Thanks ya'll. The next chapter is.. Throwdown!**


	7. Chapter 7 - Throwdown

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any Glee characters. They belong to Fox and Ryan Murphy. I also don't own any of the songs used.**

**Songs:  
Keep Holding On – Avril Lavigne  
No Air – Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown**

* * *

"Speaking of your ages, have you two given any thought to what you're going to do after the baby is born?"

I swallowed, my voice shaking nervously. I can't believe we were actually having a baby.

"Whatever Quinn wants is fine," I said slowly, nodding my head.

"Well, if it makes a difference.. it's a girl."

My jaw dropped open in awe and I stared at Quinn's stomach where my little girl was.  
I was having a little girl. I was going to be a dad to a little girl.  
I was going to be the best father I could ever be and I would protect my daughter with everything I had.  
I kissed Quinn's hand as she stared at me, her face stone cold.

I went out to thank Mr. Schue for driving us because I had been too shaky and nervous.

"You doing all right?"

I wanted to tell him I was but with him, it was like the truth always came out.

"Um, no."

How was I supposed to take care of an actual living, breathing person? I couldn't even keep a fish alive for a few days and my mom refused to get me another one. It sucked. But the fact that Quinn was giving up our baby sucked even more.

* * *

"It's about Quinn Fabrary. Word on the street is that she's 'in trouble.'"

Where had he heard that? And how did things spread so fast in this school?

"Where did you hear that?" I asked Jacob accusingly.

"Are you denying it?"

"Yes!" I said, walking away from him quickly.

He yelled after me. Why couldn't he just give it up!  
"Because the same birdie told me you're heartbroken Finn Hudson didn't choose you to carry his litter."

I turned around, processing the words he had said, and walked back to Jacob who was staring at me in an awfully perverted manner.

"What is it going to take for you to not run the story?"

Then he gave me that awful smile. _So gross._

* * *

I went up to Rachel after I had heard about her deal with Jewfro. I can't believe she did this for me and Quinn, even after everything. She was the nicest person I'd ever met. Ever.

"So, what'd you have to do to get him to stop?" I asked her.

"Let's just say I feel sorry for my dad's cause they're probably going to have to dip into my college fund to pay for intensive therapy."

I chuckled at her dramaticness before I looked at her, realizing she was totally serious. What had she done to protect us? I shivering thinking about her and Jewfro, like.. together.

"Oh, hardcore."

"I don't mind. I did it to protect you."

"And Quinn," I added, smiling at her.

"Of course."

I smiled. She was so cool. Even after I basically broke her heart and lied to her and now I was having a baby with my girlfriend, she still had my back. And Quinn's too!

"Hey, I've got to tell you, you really are awesome." She looked into my eyes, as if trying to search for something. "I'm gonna make it up to you someday, I swear," I said, walking away from her.

I know I'm having a baby and I have a girlfriend and everything but it was like I couldn't get Rachel out of my head. Rachel and her voice that made my heart stop, and her rocking body and her huge brown eyes and her wide smile and.. I was going to make it up to her one day. That was a promise.

* * *

"I need another pair."

I gasped, taking a step back from Jacob.

"What's wrong with the ones I already gave you?"

He pulled the green panties I had bought out of his backpack, waving them in front of my face.

"Uh, they still had the tag on them!"

My face burned with embarrassment and rage. "Put those away!"

"I want Rachel Berry panties. Okay, I expect delivery by tomorrow morning or the story of Quinn Fabray and the stork goes wide."

The stork? He meant Finn. I imagined Finn, his head in his hands, looking devastated. I couldn't let that happen. I wanted Finn to be happy.

"I feel an urge to kiss you right now. I'm just going to go for it, okay?" Jacob said, leaning into me.

I stepped back, in an attempt to pull away and get his awful face away from mine. "No, no, no. You-you-you... stop it!" I stuttered, completely and utterly disgusted.

He ran away from me, leaving me in the hallway alone to think.

_What was I going to do?_

* * *

Finally I had come up with a name for my little girl!

I fake yawned and stretched, looking back at Quinn to drop a note on her desk.

"Check it out. I came up with a name that I think would be good for the kid." I whispered, smiling at her.

"Eyes on your own test Finn," I heard Mr. Schue say from the front of the classroom. Damn. Busted.

I turned back to Quinn to see her reaction as Mr. Schue helped some guy with his test.

"Anyway, then I read that Gwyneth Paltrow named her kid Apple, and I think that's so cool 'cause you know how much I love apples, right?" I said, my eyes wide with joy. "And so I figured we should name our kid something more original and poetic."

"Then I came up with the best baby name of all time." I paused for dramatic effect.

"_DRIZZLE!_"

I thought she was going to punch me. "Drizzle?" She did not look amused or excited or happy or anything. Come to think of it, she hasn't been all that happy and excited for awhile now. I tried to act casual and keep my hopes high though, explaining the reasoning behind the baby name.

"Yeah! Yeah! 'Cause you know how awesome it is when it's just drizzling outside, but it's not really raining, so it smells like rain, but you don't need an umbrella to go outside."

"Are you a moron?"

A moron? Couldn't she act least _pretend_ to be happy?

"We're not naming our baby Drizzle. We're not naming our baby anything!"

I looked at her, and saw the meanness in her eyes as I slowly turned around to face the front of her classroom. Why couldn't she be happy that I had thought of a cool name? She was so mean and pissed of all. the. time!  
What did she expect me to do? Act as if this wasn't happening? I interrupted her as she yelled at me about her parents burning her or whatever.

"You know, sometimes I wish you were a little more like Rachel."

"Really?" Quinn asked, slowly turning around to face me.

"Yeah. She cares about my feelings. She sticks up for me." I paused, smiling at the thought. "She sticks up for both of us! You know that she gave that Jacob kid a pair of her underpants just to keep him from posting on his blog about you being pregnant?"

Quinn snorted at me and gave one of her fake smiles.

"You think she did that for me? Just to be a good teammate?"

Did she not hear anything I just said? Of course she did it for her!

"Yeah. That's what she told me."

"I know some guys cheat on their wives or pregnant girlfriends. Just don't do it with her."

What? I wasn't cheating with Rachel. I broke it off with Rachel for Quinn! And I know like, I thought Rachel was really awesome and her body was awesome and her voice was awesome and she was awesome in general but.. I wasn't like.. cheating or anything. I just thought she was really cool. And she cared about what I thought and how I felt! Quinn could take some tips from her on how to treat me instead of being mean to her.

* * *

No Air? I loved this song!

I grabbed Finn's hand and pulled him up to sing with me.

**Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air**

I sang the line, looking right at Finn, who had his head down.

* * *

**Tell me how you gonna be without me. Can't be without you, baby**

I sang, my hand holding Rachel's, over her chest. I know I was like close to her boob and everything and it was so exciting and awesome but it was like, when we sang there was more than just my body touching hers. I felt like there was something else.

My heart was beating really fast and I hoped she felt it. I wanted her to know that she had this kind of effect on me where I got all tingly and sweaty and my heart started racing.

And I didn't let go of her hand as we sang the rest of the song to each other.

* * *

**Tell me how you gonna be without me**

I wish I could tell him how I was living without him. Living without him, but longing for him. His touch, his smile..

* * *

**It's no air**

I watched Rachel step closer to me as she sang and I moved towards her, never taking my eyes off of hers while singing that last line.

* * *

Did she just call me treasure trail? And now stubbles? Where did she come up with these awful names?

" I'm having Finn's baby and you need to back off. I'm asking you as nicely as I possibly can. Leave him alone."

She stared me down. Her pretty green eyes were gleaming with rage, directed towards me. It was terrifying. But I was going to stand my ground and finally stand up to Quinn.

"You're right. I've helped you not because it's the right thing to do, but because I had romantic ulterior motives. But just so we're clear, you're the one who's cheating." I walked away from her, my head held high as she sneered at me.

"Excuse me?" She chased after me as I explained my accusation to her.

"I have on good authority that you're Sue Sylvester's mole. And you can deny it all you want, but I know it's true."

And I lost it on Quinn. All the anger I had towards her came out.

"I'd recognize who my true friends are," I continued after telling her that Ms. Sylvester would rip up Quinn's uniform after finding out she was pregnant.

"Oh, and I'd practice a little bit more. Because you obviously have a lot you need to express." I added, and watched her walk away.

_Go Rachel Go._

* * *

Ms. Sylvester came right out and said it, and I felt my jaw drop as Quinn's body tensed beside mine.

"Quinn is pregnant."

I watched Quinn breathe heavily beside me and I sat beside her in shock, my body going slack.  
I wanted to reach out and comfort her, I really did. But there was something inside me that resisted and really didn't want to reach out and hold her. Something that made me think about how I would have held Rachel in a heartbeat.

I shook the thought from my mind and tried to focus on my hyperventilating girlfriend.

* * *

I went up to Jacob after Glee Club, only to find him looking apologetic and genuinely sorry. Sue had threatened him? How low could she be?

I turned around as Jacob walked away from me and locked eyes with Finn who was comforting Quinn by her locker, rubbing her back and mumbling. My heart broke at the sight. He would _never _be mine.

* * *

**Keep holding on**

I felt Finn's heart beating as he held my hand onto his chest

* * *

**When it comes to the truth so keep, keep holding on**

I stepped in between Quinn and Rachel and took their hands in mine, interlacing our fingers.

I took Quinn's for comfort, to let her know that I would be here with her every step of the way.  
I took Rachel's to let her know how much I cared and I felt her hand relax into mine.  
I turned away from Rachel to look at Quinn, watching tears run down her pink cheeks.  
I turned back to Rachel to see her looking up at me and I suddenly realized how empty my hand felt. The hand that she had been holding.

Her hand had fit perfectly in mine.

* * *

**Authors Note/ I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. I'm so excited for the Finchel to come but I'm going on vacation for a few weeks so I won't be able to update in that time. I'm hoping to get a few more chapters in before I leave!**

**Please leave reviews and thank you so much!**


	8. Chapter 8 - Mash-Up

**Authors Note/ There's quite a bit of vulgarity in this chapter, just a warning. I don't mean to offend anybody but when I'm in Finn's head, a lot of swearing just happens. My apologies!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any Glee characters. They belong to Fox and Ryan Murphy. I don't own the song used in this chapter.**

**Song Used:  
Sweet Caroline – Neil Diamond**

* * *

I saw him coming and squeezed my eyes shut, taking a deep breath. I hoped that if anything, the slushie would be grape flavored. Not that it was any easier to wash out of my hair but I enjoyed the taste.

I opened my eyes when I realized I hadn't been slushied and turned around to watch David walk right past me. Clearly, he intended on hitting one of my friends. Curious, I looked to see where David was headed.

_Finn._

* * *

I gasped as the cold, grape flavored slushie hit me in the face.

My eyes instantly started burning and the slushie started dripping down my shirt onto my back and.. how had it gotten into my boxers so quickly?

I opened my eyes to see Karofsky snickering to himself and I jumped at him, pushing him into a locker.

"What the hell Karofsky?!" I yelled, trying to ignore the burning in my eyes.

"Oh, I've wanted to do that ever since fifth grade... when you made fun of me for getting pubes. Now that you've joined Lullaby Lee's and insperminated the queen of the Chastity Ball..." I pushed him hard as he continued, "and dropped below us hockey dudes on the food chain? It's open season."

"You're gonna pay for this, dude!" I yelled, throwing him against the lockers only to be pushed back.

"No, I'm not. You two don't have the juice anymore. Welcome to the new world order." Karofsky laughed as he walked away and me and Quinn stood in the hallway, looking like complete idiots.

God dammit, my balls were frozen.

* * *

I watched as Quinn wiped the slushie out of Finns hair. I wished he hadn't gotten hit but at the same time.. I wanted to be the one gently cleaning his face.

Mr. Schue walked in, talking about mash-ups and he said something that made fireworks go off in my head.

"Sometimes things are so different, they don't feel like they go together. But the big difference between them is what makes them great."

I looked at Finn again and thought about our situation.  
He was the all star quarterback, McKinley's most popular guy. I was an annoying Jewish girl who people made fun of.  
Yet together, something clicked. We worked. We had musical chemistry and more. Together, we were great.

* * *

"Status is like currency. When your bank account is full... you can get away with doing just about anything. But right now, we're like toxic assets"

I rolled my eyes at Quinn as she explained our dilemma to Ms. Pillsbury. She sounded ridiculous and I knew I looked just as ridiculous for going along with it.

Sunglasses? Was that her best suggestion? I mean, yeah it's awesome because people can't see my eyes and I could be looking at their boobs.. but still. I still can't believe Quinn and I are in here. Asking how to be cool. We're such.. losers. Who asks somebody who to be cool? That's so.. not cool.

* * *

Azimio was such an _asshole_.

It was his fault Coach added an extra football practice.. on Thursdays at 3:30.  
He knew that was when I had Glee rehearsals.  
He was really going to make me choose between football and Glee Club?

Football made me feel good. It was so cool when I was in control of a play. I loved hitting and getting hit and the whole game was just awesome. But then there was Glee. When I was up there singing I felt like.. it was what I was really meant to do. And when everybody clapped at the end, there was no greater feeling in the world.

But football equalled instant popularity which would keep Quinn happy.

Glee equalled instant loserville and Quinn would not be happy if we weren't popular. And Quinn was my number one priority, with the baby and all.

I think I made my decision.

* * *

"You wanna make out?"

Had Noah just asked me to _make out_?

I turned to him to see him smiling up at me, those lovely eyes staring right at me. Without that dreadful mohawk he would actually be incredibly attractive.. and Finn didn't want me. He never had. He had Quinn and the baby and it would never work out between us. We were just so different. We were too different.

"Sure."

So we made out. On my bed. And it felt really, really good.

But I couldn't help but picture Finn underneath me.

_No. _

I couldn't do this to Noah if I would be picturing Finn. Noah was a sweet nice guy and he deserved more than that.

"I can't do this." I told him, taking my lips off of his soft ones.

"Why? We're a couple of good-lookin' Jews. It's natural," Puck said, leaning into me and closing him eyes. I swiftly pushed him away.

I needed to come up with an excuse, fast. I couldn't just say it was because I was picturing Finn while making out with him!

"I...I can't give myself to someone who isn't... brave enough to sing a solo. If you don't have the guts to do that, then how are you gonna be bold enough to deal... with the ups and downs of loving an admittedly high-maintenance girl like me?"

"Are you questioning my badassness? Have you seen my guns?" I smiled softly and looked at his arms (which really were amazing).

"Noah, I'm sorry, but... Your arms are lovely, but... I just don't see us working out," I said softly, watching his face fall in disappointment

* * *

"It's my personal tribute to a musical Jewish icon."

My eyes widened in awe. Was Noah Puckerman looking at me while he said that?  
I watched him walk to the front of the room and begin to strum his guitar, shifting in my seat.

**Where it began,  
I can't begin to knowin'  
But then I know it's growing strong**

He had such a lovely voice. It was so unique and just so... Noah. I watched him and leaned towards the front of the classroom. I could see how nervous he was, because he kept fidgeting but it was adorable. He was actually singing for me to prove that he could handle me. It was the sweetest thing anybody had ever done for me.

* * *

**Was in the spring  
And spring became the summer  
Who'd have believed you'd come along.**

I watched Puck sing. He actually sounded really good. But his face.. I had never seen his smile all shyly and nervously like that and stuff. Not that I checked out his face but I had known him since I was practically born and I had never seen that face. I followed his gaze to see who he was looking at.

Was he singing to Rachel? And was she.. _smiling_?

_What the fuck is this shit?!_

Rachel was mine, not his. Who the hell did he think he was. I slumped back in my chair and felt Santana's body stiffen beside mine. She was obviously not happy about his performance either. I guessed my face kinda showed what I was thinking because Mr. Schue gave me a little punch.  
Why hadn't I thought about singing to Rachel? Like, not with her. We'd done that before. But like, right to her like Puck was.

SHIT. SHIT. SHIIIIIIIIT.

I sat and watched Rachel and Puck and he finished singing. Crap, it had been really good. And why was Rachel like leaning into him and sitting all flirty and stuff? She was supposed to be into me not Puck!

Fuck.

* * *

With Quinn it was like I was a different person.. and I didn't like the person I was.  
All I cared about was popularity and it was like I wanted everybody to worship me.  
Even with the sunglasses, we still got slushied.

And it burned the shit out of my eyes.

* * *

"You're a great performer, Noah. I just wanna say how proud I am to have you on my arm in front of the whole high school."

I was proud of him. He had performed in front of the Glee Club for me and I was incredibly honoured.

The next thing you know, Noah got slushied and I stepped back and gasped, horrified, watching as the slushie dripped down his shirt. I took him to the washroom to wash him up quickly. He told me he would be choosing football over Glee, which meant we couldn't be together anymore but he was so kind about it.  
Sitting on his lap, I kissed his forehead and left the bathroom quietly.

* * *

I watched the door, waiting for Puck to come in anxiously.

And that's when I saw that mohawk and I rushed towards the door, smiling.

"Are you... sure about this, Noah? I mean, choosing us over the team means you might get a Slushee in your face every day."

"Bring it," he replied, smiling down at me.

I hugged him for a really long time.

* * *

I walked down the hallway, a slushie in my hand, heading straight towards Kurt.  
I was shaking with fear. I really didn't want to do this.  
I watched some people from the Glee Club circle around me and listened to what Rachel was say, staring at me with her arms crossed.

"Why wouldn't he? He's made his choice. He doesn't care about us losers anymore."

Oh man I didn't want her to think that. They weren't losers.. but the football team guys threaten to kick the crap out of me if I didn't slushie Kurt.

And so he took the slushie out of my hands, and threw it into his face.

I felt like the biggest asshole in the_ universe_.

"Now get out of here. And take some time to think whether or not... any of your friends on the football team would have done that for you."

I looked at Kurt in shock and walked away slowly.

I was officially the biggest idiot in the world.

* * *

I found Noah on the bleachers, watching the football team.

"I hope you didn't choose Glee over football because of me."

"Why?" Noah asked, not looking at me.

"Because I don't think this relationship is gonna work out," I said softly.

"I was gonna break up with you anyway."

"No you weren't," I told him, only to have him look bad and me, acting all 'badass Noah.'

"Yes, I was. You won't even let me touch your boobs."

He looked away from me, and back at the field to see Finn hut the ball.

"It's Finn right?"

I watched Finn walk, looking really cute in his football uniform, as Noah continued.

"...He's never gonna leave Quinn. Not with that baby in her belly."

I leaned closer to Puck to see his face. "You like her, don't you? I can see you staring at her when I'm staring at Finn. Is that why you joined Glee? To be closer to her?" I said it cautiously.. gently.

"Like I said, they're never breaking up. God, what's the matter with me? I'm a stud, and I can't even hold on to a chick like you? No offense. Why don't girls like me?" He was so mean. What did he mean chick like me?

I answered him, obviously annoyed. " Because you're kind of a jerk. No offense. I just think you want it too much... which is something I can relate to..." I looked over at Finn. "I want everything too much. Our relationship was built on a fantasy. Like every other one in my life. I think I just agreed to us being together because I thought it would make Finn jealous." I reached over to touch his shoulder gently.

"I just hope we can still be friends."

He turned to me, his voice reeking of anger. "We weren't friends before."

He got up and left, leaving me to sit on the bleachers and watch Finn.

* * *

"I'm not coming back."

I knew why Mr. Schue came to my football practice. It was obvious. But I wasn't going - I wanted popularity more than I wanted Glee. He starting talking, basically reading my mind. I was letting people make decisions for me and I was letting the rule my life.

"You don't understand the kind of pressure I'm under," I told him, shaken by his words.

"Yes, I do. Because of all the students I've ever had, you remind me the most of me." I looked up at Mr. Schue, stunned. Come back to Glee, Finn. It's where you belong."

He left me in the middle of the field, hitting me on the shoulder.

I went to Coach after practice to tell him that I was the leader of this team I saw a future where things were better. Where you can be in Glee and play football and you didn't have to chose.  
And he told me about Thursday practice being cancelled because of like laundry and stuff.  
I smiled at him, walking away.  
I was _finally_ getting something right.

* * *

**Authors Note/ This will probably be m****y last story for two weeks and a bit, because I'll be away (unless I can fit another one or two in tonight and tomorrow)**

**I hope you guys are enjoyed the story so far. To my silent readers, I'd love to hear from you!  
Thank you all so much for your support.**

**With love,  
Laura**


	9. Chapter 9 - Wheels

**Authors Note/ BOOM. I'M BACK BABY. My vacation was amazing but I'm so glad to be back to writing this story. I love writing Finchel. If anybody could give me any storylines, I would love to start writing some other stories as well so just leave ideas in the reviews section, along with your comments on this story!**

**You may notice a lot more Finn POV in this chapter, but really, there was just a lot more Finn airtime this episode and less on Rachel. Also, I explained a little bit about getting into Finn's head in the note at the end of this chapter, so just check that out. Hope you enjoy this chapter!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee**

* * *

Looking for Quinn, I knew exactly where to go. Yeah, she wasn't on the Cheerios anymore since Coach Sylvester kicked her off but I knew she would be with the Cheerios. I walked into the gym to see her sitting on the bleachers, watching the girls practice and I sat down beside her.

"You shouldn't do this to yourself."

She kept that fierce look on her face that she always had. Did she forget that I knew her? I knew how much she was hurting.

"I need a good distraction," she answered me, keeping that looking on her face. Distraction? From what? She pulled a piece of paper out of her purse thing and my eyes practically bulged out of my head. _$685?_ For a freaking video where you can barely see the kid? What the hell? Where was I going to get this kind of money? Quinn started explaining to me that it was just going to keep adding up and there would be more stuff like vitamins and clothes and doctor's visits.

"What are we going to do?" I asked her softly. She was Quinn. She always had a plan! To my surprise.. this time she didn't. "What are you going to do?" I told her that I was looking for a job but nobody was hiring. Olive Garden told me I was too tall to be a busboy.

"Somewhere in that pea brain of yours is a man. Access him and tell him to prove to me that I chose the right guy to have a baby with."

Why did she find the need to make me feel like shit all the time? I've been trying and trying and trying but I can't do anything right and her words don't make it any better.

"I will. I-I'll find a job. You can count on me, I swear." I watched her stand up, tears flooding in her eyes. "Where you going?"

"You were right. This does hurt too much." So I watched her walk away, holding back tears. It hurt me to see Quinn hurting like that. I really did feel bad for her and I didn't want her to feel like she made the wrong choice with me. I was going to prove to her I would be the best dad ever. I would be the father I never had.

* * *

"Defying Gravity'? I have an iPod shuffle dedicated exclusively to selections from Wicked. This is amazing." Kurt looked so positively happy when he said that. I felt his pain when Mr. Schue asked me if I could handle the song. Of course I could handle the song! It's my go-to shower song. And my ringtone.

But still, my talent did nothing to deflect the glares I was recieving from Mercedes and Kurt. Why did they have to hate me so much? It's not my fault that I am extremely talented. I wasn't born this way (althought I think I did have a knack for it straight from birth). I worked hard everyday to get to where I am. This was my dream, my passion. I was dedicated.

And some evil glares were not going to stop me from achieving my goal. No matter how much they hurt.

* * *

"What the hell?"

I stared at Quinn and Puck who were covered in chocolate powder, flour and egg yolks. Their faces were like.. an inch away from each other and Puck had his thumb on Quinn's forehead. That wasn't even the weirdest part though.

Quinn was actually smiling. And laughing. And looking _happy_. Really, really happy.

She had never been that happy around me. Not even when we would be making out in her hot tub. I had never seen her smile as wide as it was now or heard her laugh as much.

"We're baking!" Quinn said to me, as if it was the simplest thing in the world. I didn't know you had to be practically touching lips to bake. "I can see that," I said, looking at the messy kitchen. I looked at Puck and saw his face in some sort of weird expression.

"I'm gonna go change," he mumbled, quickly walking out of the room, never making eye contact with me. I looked back at Quinn who was still smiling and looking really, weirdly happy. What the hell was going on between them?

* * *

"This is totally unfair. You gave me the part."

What was Mr. Schuester trying to do to me? First he gave me the part and now he was expecting me to just give it to Kurt? I deserved this part, I worked for this part! And now he expected us to have a sing off? _Bring it!_

* * *

"Now, all of you are going to judge, and in the spirit of full access, each of you is going to get a vote. Whatever singer has the most votes, gets the part."

I looked at Kurt, who had a smug smile on his face. Even he knew this wasn't fair! Everybody hated me, so of course they were going to vote for Kurt, not matter how good I was. "This isn't going to be about talent, Mr. Schuester. It's going to be a popularity contest."

Kurt quickly wheeled to the front of the room.

"We all know I'm more popular than Rachel. And I dress better than her. But I want you all to promise me that you're going to vote for whoever sings the song better. Raise your right hand. Repeat after me. I promise to vote for whoever sings the song better."

My heart sunk. His words hurt. I knew I wasn't popular and it hurt when I constantly was reminded of it. Yes, I had my talent but I didn't have somebody who truly cared about me. I wheeled up to Mr. Schue after everybody had left the room.

"Maybe one of these days you'll find a way to create teaching moments without ruining my life," I told him, my voice thick with the sadness and loneliness I felt. Did he understand how it was to be me? I was made fun of and slushied every day simply because I was different. Different because I wasn't a stereotypical Cheerio. Different because I stood up for what I believed in. Different because even thought I was ridiculed I continued to post videos on me singing every day. But it still hurt. The slushies, the verbal and physical bullying... it still got to me. No matter how much I tried not to show it. It still ripped my heart up every single time.

* * *

"This is ridiculous!" Quinn yelled, outraged after hearing that we only had one dollar for the cupcakes we had made.

"Well, maybe if we put a jelly bean or something on top we'd sell more," I suggested. Everybody loved jellybeans! My favorites were the red ones that tasted like cherries.

Quinn just looked at me like I had three heads or eyes or something on my face.

"Are you an idiot?!" I flinched at her words. "How am I supposed to trust you to take care of our baby when you can't even figure out how to sell a damn cupcake?"

"Stop attacking me. I'm sick of it." That was all she could ever do these days! Just constantly hurt my feelings and make me feel like fucking dirt.

"Get a job." Quinn said, looking at me seriously.

"I'm trying!" I yelled at her, jumping out of my seat and kicking it, storming out of the cafeteria. She was such a bitch! She just made me feel like a pile of shit all the fricken time. Screw her. Screw Quinn and her meanness and just screw everything.

* * *

Who the hell did Puck think he was telling me that I was an idiot? What did he know about taking care of a baby? What did he even care? First I had Quinn trying to make me feel like shit and now it was my best friend? What the fuck was going on!

"All I know is that you're a punk who doesn't deserve to have Quinn as his girlfriend," Puck spit in my face. "You're a punk!" I yelled, pushing his shoulder. He crashed his wheelchair on mine and I hit back until he jumped out of his seat and punched me in the face, knocking me out of my wheelchair. I felt him hit me again and I rolled him over and punched him in the jaw.

"Hey, hey, break it up! Break it up! Come on! Hey!" Mr. Schue yelled, pulling us apart. "He started it!" Puck yelled, while I closed my eyes, taking deep breaths. Why the hell was I fighting with my best friend for? And why did Puck lie to Mr. Schue and tell him it was because of the bake sale that we started fighting? What the hell was going on with these people! I'm so god damn confused!

* * *

"There's your problem. You just had a bad push rim. Good as new." I smiled at Finn as he put the wheel back on my chair and sat down next to me.

"Thanks, Finn. You're the only one who's willing to help me. I'm really nervous about the diva-off tomorrow." He gave me one of those really cute smirks that he does. "Don't be," he said softly. I shrugged my shoulders.

"I don't want to win out of charity. I want to win the solo because it's right for the club. I really think that the judges at sectionals will find a female version of "Defying Gravity" much more accessible," I explained to Finn, watching him nod his head slowly. "B-But I don't think that's going to happen. People just don't like me," I continued, my voice falling into a whisper.

"Yeah, you might want to work on that," Finn replied, shrugging his shoulders. That hurt. He turned around, a small smile on his face as he looked at me. "I like you."

Just those three words made my heart drop and my stomach erupt into butterflies.

* * *

"There's your problem. You just had a bad push rim," I said, putting Rachel's wheel back on her wheelchair. "Good as new!" I added, smiling to myself and sitting down beside her, watching her beam at me.

"Thanks, Finn. You're the only one who's willing to help me." I smiled softly and looked away from her. Was I really her only friend? She was so cool and the nicest person I'd ever met, I didn't understand how people didn't see that. "I'm really nervous about the diva-off tomorrow," Rachel continued, bringing me back to reality.

I gave her a little smile and looked right at her lips. "Don't be." How could she be nervous about that? She was, like, the best singer I'd ever heard. Even though I would never admit it to anybody (except my Mom when I talked to her about Rachel but that was really different) Rachel's voice gave me like, chills and goose bumps and stuff. Stuff as in like… I may have had to think of the mailman when she was singing. Her voice turned me on. But more than that, it really touched me. Like… my heart. Not my penis. I just did that after when I got home and thought about her.

"I don't want to win out of charity. I want to win the solo because it's right for the club. I really think that the judges at sectionals will find a female version of "Defying Gravity" much more accessible." I nodded my head as I listened to Rachel talk. I never watched Wicked before so really... male or female singing it didn't matter to me. I just wanted Rachel to win because she was so awesome at singing and I liked seeing her happy.

Her voice softened and I watched her face crumple, little frown lines showing on her forehead. "But I don't think that's going to happen. People just don't like me."

"Yeah, you might wanna work on that." I looked at her and saw her jaw tighten, as she looked straight ahead and nodded. Her mouth was in a straight line and she just looked so... sad. I figured she knew people didn't really, like her much but I didn't realize how much it had upset her. And it made me sad to see her sad. "I like you," I told her softly, smiling a little. I watched her head shoot up and her eyes looked right into mine. Gosh, she was so beautiful. Like, she was hot in a weird way too but it was more than that. She was like, gorgeous.

I started thinking about Quinn as Rachel looked at me. I thought about how Quinn's amazing green eyes fell in comparison to Rachel's warm, chocolate brown ones. How Quinn's tight smile was nothing compared to Rachel's smile that just lit up the room. And my heart. Like, every time she smiled at me it was like my heart set on fire. Quinn was really hot with her long blonde hair and pale skin and green eyes but Rachel was just so beautiful with her soft eyes and soft looking dark brown hair, and olive toned skin and soft lips.. I would never forget how Rachel's lips felt on mine. And with Rachel, it was like I just felt different. She didn't make me feel like shit like Quinn always did. She made me feel like I had done something really good or hung the moon or something. Even by just looking at me, she made me feel that. She made me feel calm and happy and just really good.

"We need to talk!" I heard somebody yell. But I couldn't take my eyes off of Rachel. Man she was so god damn beautiful! Until she started inched away from me to leave and I turned to see who had walked into the room. Quinn. _Shit_.

"Do you know what this is?" Quinn said, shoving a paper into my hands, after telling Rachel she needed a witness or something. Witness for what? "Oh, it's just a past due notice. My mom gets them all the time," I said, scanning the paper. Big deal.

"Right. But if this sonogram bill doesn't get paid, it's not your phone that's going to get cut off. You will get cut off. You need to help me with this, Finn. Or else we're going to go our separate ways." I turned away from Quinn and watched her walk out the door.

"I'm screwed," I told Rachel, not looking at her.

"Not necessarily," she said, smiling at the wheelchair in front of her?

What was she up to? More importantly... why did I not even feel upset or sad or anything that Quinn pretty much said we might break up? It was like Rachel being there totally made me feel calm and Quinn's words just hurt less. Weird.

* * *

I watched the door and felt my heart jump when Rachel walked into the room. I jumped out of my seat and walked towards her quickly. "Good luck," I told her, putting my hand on her shoulder. It tingled a little. Okay, no, it tingled a lot. I wanted to keep my hand there forever. I leaned in closer to her, and looked back to see if anybody was listening. "I'm rooting for you," I whispered, smiling at Rachel and walked back towards my seat beside Quinn, never taking my eyes off of Rachel. She had this really cute smile on her face. It was like, totally adorable. It made me smile too.

* * *

I listened to Rachel sing and my heart fluttered like crazy. I knew my jaw was like, hanging open and I was pretty sure I may have been drooling but wow. Her voice. Just.. wow. My heart was beating like, insanely.

Her voice was just so powerful. And did she just say kiss me in the song? Oh yeah, no totally, I would totally kiss her right now if she asked me. She totally deserved to win this sing off thing. She was perfect. I mean, like, the song. The song was perfect. Uh.

* * *

I rolled up to Quinn, who was talking to Puck and handed her an envelope full of money I had just got from the job Rachel scored me. She was so smart and everything, with her wheelchair idea and telling the manager he needed to hire me or else she would basically sue. And she did all the talking while I just sat there smiling. It totally worked for me.

"I'm going to need to stay in my wheelchair as long as I'm working there, but screw it, it's worth it. Can I give you a lift to rehearsal?" Quinn sat on my lap and wrapped her arms around me. I knew I would make her proud! Even if I was thinking of Rachel while Quinn was sitting on me, it was cool to make Quinn proud of me.

* * *

**Author's Note/ I hope you guys enjoyed the story! Lots of Finchel in this one. And I'm trying to write with a bit more depth coming from Finn because I always felt that through the Finchel relationship, Finn noticed the little things about Rachel like her expressions and her voice and her words and I feel like he would be the one to analyse them in detail. Very opinionated of me, I know, but I always felt like Finn was head over heels in love with Rachel before she was with him. I just don't think he admitted it in the beginning. Anyway, I'm so glad to be back I missed this story so much! Please leave reviews, I appreciate them so much. **

**With love,**

**Laura**


	10. Chapter 10 - Ballad

**Authors Note/ No Finchel in this episode. Cue the loud sighing. But I feel like I'm really going to dig into Finn's head with this episode, because the storyline revolves around the pregnancy in this one. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or the songs used.**

**Songs Used  
Diana Ross and Lionel Richie - Endless Love  
The Pretenders - I'll Stand by You  
The Police - Don't Stand So Close to Me / Gary Puckett & The Union Gap - Young Girl  
Paul Anka - (You're) Having My Baby  
Bill Withers - Lean on Me**

* * *

"Okay, now, sectionals are in a few weeks and there's a new rule this year— we have to perform… a ballad."

I jumped for joy in my seat, turning to Noah Puckerman excitedly. "Looks like my weekly letter to the Ohio Show Choir Committee finally paid off!" I beamed at him as he avoided eye contact, but gave me a small smile in return.

"Okay. So here's our assignment for the week: I'm going to pair you off, and I want you to pick a ballad to sing to your partner. Look them right in the eye, find the emotion you want to express, and make them feel it."

Finn spoke up from the other side of the room. "I pick Quinn." My heart fell at how quickly he had decided who he wanted to sing to but I tried to take the crestfallen expression off my face before anybody could notice. Of course Finn was going to pick Quinn to sing to. She was his girlfriend and she was having his baby. His partner choice was inevitable. I pushed the memory of the spark I felt when I first kissed him away. I tried to bury the memory of our date at the bowling alley. He had just used me and I meant _nothing_ to him. It didn't matter.

* * *

"Okay. So here's our assignment for the week: I'm going to pair you off, and I want you to pick a ballad to sing to your partner. Look them right in the eye, find the emotion you want to express, and make them feel it."

Rachel's face popped into my mind. Not only did I want her to feel me pounding her hard only my bed, on the floor, on a wall, in the slower... anywhere I could get her basically... I knew something about our connection went deeper than just sex. And I wanted to show her that. I knew singing would be the perfect way to do it, if I could just sing to her and look right into those huge brown eyes and just.. I felt the pressure of Quinn's head on my shoulder and I knew I needed to stop thinking about Rachel. Quinn was my girlfriend! She was having my baby. I smiled softly and spoke up. "I pick Quinn."

I saw the flash of hurt on Rachel's face before she pulled herself together. It only lasted, like, two seconds so maybe I was imagining the hurt or something. She probably didn't care; after all I had done to hurt her.

* * *

I watched as Finn walked up to the hat, which had all of our names in it to pick the person he was going to sing to. I knew I had a look of hope obviously written across my face but at the moment, I couldn't care less. Until he read out his partner's name.

"Kurt."

* * *

I looked up and caught his eye. He was going like, a really weird shade of red and he had the creepiest smile on his face and he was staring at me all weird and stuff. I turned to Mr. Schue, my voice falling into a whisper. "Mr. Schue, I don't know if I can do this with another guy." He simply told me something about the fates or whatever. Stupid fates, who did they think they were!

* * *

"Looks like I get you, Mr. Schue." I said, bouncing out of my seat and sauntering towards him.

"Uh… you know what? Maybe we should just wait until Matt gets back."

I heard Finn snickering from the back of the room. "The fates talked, Mr Schue."

I merely suggested that Mr. Schue and I should demonstrate Endless Love, to show my fellow gleemates how a ballad should be done. Just the suggestion had another wave of chuckles going across the room.

"I really like that song, Mr. Schue," Finn commented, giving me a smug look. I turned towards him, displeased. Out of all people, I didn't think Finn would try humiliating me. But he was with Quinn now so I suppose I judged him poorly.

* * *

Holy crap, Rachel's butt. From this angle, I had the perfect view of Rachel's tight, little ass. It was like, the best ass I had ever seen. I couldn't stop smiling, and that was just from looking at it. Like, I never noticed how nice Rachel's butt is. I felt Quinn's eyes piercing into the side of my head and quickly turned away. Crap! I think she knows I'm staring at it.

* * *

**You're every breath that I take  
You're every step I make**

Why had I never noticed how attractive Mr. Schuester was before? His eyes were the loveliest shade of green and his hair was adorably curly. An added bonus - he voice was remarkable! Also, he had really nice teeth. I suspected that already. He's obviously invested in good oral hygiene, and that's important to me. It shows wonderful self-esteem.

**My love  
My love, my love  
My endless love**

Okay, this is amazing. When I'm singing with him, it's like I'm seeing him for the first time. And what I'm seeing is super… super cute.

* * *

Why was Rachel looking at Mr. Schue like that and trying to get all close to him and stuff? I looked at my teacher's terrified looking face and my jaw dropped. Was Rachel giving him the look? The look she always gave me?

I mean, I know Mr. Schue was a good looking dude and he was smart and had a good voice and stuff but Rachel was supposed to be interested in me. And only me. Why was she looking at Mr. Schue like she wanted to rip his clothes off?

She should totally be thinking about ripping my clothes off. And I would totally rip hers off too.

The sound of her beautiful voice floated through the air with such passion and emotion and.. sexual tension or something. All the way through the performance. Why had I forced Mr. Schue to sing with her? Now, she looked like she was in love with the guy! Like I had never been part of the plan anyway!

I didn't even wanna clap for them. (But I did a little bit anyway because Rachel's voice had sounded so, so, so good and I kind of imagined her singing it to me because that would be the coolest thing ever)

* * *

I walked into the Spanish classroom to see Mr. Schue and my heart sped up when I saw him sitting at his desk.

"Mr. Schuester?"

"Yeah?"

"I just wanted to confirm that we're set to rehearse our ballad at 4 sharp this afternoon." I stared at him, waiting to see his reaction.

"Oh. Isn't Matt back yet?" Was he disappointed? Was that disappointment I sensed? No. My mind was fooling me.

"No, it's just... you and me. All week long." My heart started beating even faster at the thought. Mr. Shue and I, alone, together singing! I couldn't wait.

"Great. Well… I'll see you at 4." He looked at the door but I stood by his desk, staring at him lovingly.

"...Is there something else?"

"I just wanted to give you this." I handed him the box I had kept hidden behind my back. "Gold stars are kind of my signature thing. I figure every time you wear it, you can think of me and the star you're helping me become."

HE SMILED AT ME. My heart felt like it was being attacked by butterflies so I gave him my signature toothy grin. He was so completely and utterly _adorable_.

* * *

"Sing to me everything you feel."

God dammit, why was he staring at me like that? But I tried, I really did try forgetting it was Kurt in front of me but I just couldn't. I couldn't just sing to him about feelings and whatever! He was a freaking dude!

"I can't. I can't. I can't sing to a dude." I got up from my seat quickly, turning my back towards Kurt. "You have to try," I heard say quietly.

So I like, exploded.

"I can't, okay! I can't! I'm sick and tired of people pushing me to be somebody I'm not." As soon as the words spilled out of my mouth I instantly regretted them. I took one look at Kurt's hurt face and I felt even worse. I didn't mean to yell at him but it was like Quinn was trying to make me be one person, like popular jock boyfriend that she always wanted and she even wanted me to have a baby with her and stuff and then there was Rachel and it was like, opposite because it was like she saw right through me and she wanted me to be like a leader and stand up for myself and other people and that wasn't me. I couldn't do it. For Quinn or for Rachel. I wasn't a cool, super awesome, baby daddy boyfriend and I wasn't the leader Rachel wanted to see. And why couldn't I just be an average teenage guy and just be me?

"Your lashing out at me is fantastically compelling and inappropriate." Compelling? What did that even mean?

"Dude, I'm sorry. You're really awesome, Kurt. I'm just under a load of crap right now." My mind was swarming with Quinn's face and Quinn's mean words and Quinn's mean eyes and Rachel's pretty eyes and her pretty face and her pretty smile and her words of encouragement. I thought about my baby, my little girl, and how I would always protect her and do anything for her.. and why couldn't Quinn just keep the baby? It was my baby too! My opinions should count for something!

"Girls. They're your problem. They're up, they're down. Girls." It was like he was reading my mind and he was walking closer to me and that was just when I felt I could just tell him how I felt.

"It's the baby. She's my daughter, and…there's so many things I want to say to her, and I'm never going to be able to."

"Like what?"

"Well…like how I don't want her to think that her father just abandoned her. How I would do anything for her. How, no matter what I do, I'm always thinking about her. How I'm going to spend my whole life loving her, and she's never even going to know." My voice broke on my last few words as I saw my daughter as a little girl and I imagined how it would feel to hold her in my arms. Teach her how to walk. Maybe she would even wanted to learn how to throw a football. It would be special, teaching her that. I imagined bringing her to school, and watching her grow up. Being there if some stupid idiot broke her heart. Watching her live her life and be loved. I would miss all that, everything I wanted to do with her. I wouldn't be able to be with her and teach her and love her if Quinn just... gave her away!

"You gotta let it out." I felt Kurt's small hands touch my back and start rubbing it and my body tensed. This was weird.

"How?" He lifted his hand from my back, as if he sensed my uncomfortableness, and I relaxed.

"By singing. "I'll Stand By You" by the Pretenders. It's in your wheelhouse, and I know you know it from the radio because it's a classic. And you do well with the classics, especially in the soft rock mode."

I smiled softly. "Yeah, I do like that song, but…how is it going to make me feel better again?" Kurt lifted me up by the shirt and brought me to the front of the stage.

"By singing it out. To the audience. Imagine your little girl sitting there." He went to go sit by the piano and my hands got all sweaty because it was like my little girl, my daughter, really was right there. And this song.. I just wanted her to know how I felt. And after that moment on the stage, it was like I couldn't stop singing to her. Like, I would just sing to the sonogram of her on my computer and it felt like I was so much closer to her, like she really knew I was singing to her and how much I loved her already.

**I'll stand by you  
Won't let nobody hurt you  
I'll stand by you  
Take me in into your darkest hour  
And I'll never desert you  
I'll stand by you**

Like, I would just sing to the sonogram of her on my computer and it felt like I was so much closer to her, like she really knew I was singing to her and how much I loved her already.

Until I heard my Mom's voice by my door, while my fingers were on my laptop screen, singing to the sonogram. My body froze. "Finn, what's going on?" I got up quickly, not making eye contact with my Mom at all. "What are you doing?" I saw her look past my shoulder at my laptop screen. I tried smiling "Uh, nothing!"

Were you just singing to a sonogram?" I mumbled out my answer, like it was the most normal thing in the world. "Uh huh." Except my heart was beating so loudly I thought I was gonna die. I felt her come closer to me and sit down beside me on my bed. Oh god. Pull yourself together Finn. Do not cry. I repeat, do not- "Is Quinn pregnant?"

And the tears just started flowing.

"Mom. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." I put my head into my Mom's lap, feeling her arms go around my body, pulling me closer to her and I continued crying. "I screwed up Mom!" All I heard were the sounds of my Mom's quiet 'Sh's' and "It's gonna be okay," before my tears took over and my body gave into my sorrow.

* * *

Did Quinn really have to yell at me? She knew how I felt about having to give away my baby and now she just continued to make me feel like shit?

"I can't believe you told your mom. What if she tells my mom?" I shook my head, my voice breaking. I shouldn't even have told her that I told my Mom. "No, she's not."

"Half the school knows. Your mom knows. Who else do you want to tell? Huh?" I tried interrupting her, "She's not gonna tell anybody!"

Her finger pressed against my chest. "You're wrong, I'm right. I'm smart, you're dumb."

That one really hurt me. And not just because she called me dumb and whatever because she always does that but just because it hit me then that this was the girl I got pregnant and she was so... awful. She was so mean and horrible and I didn't like her at all.

"She doesn't talk to other Mom's!" I tried yelling after Quinn as she walked away, screaming about how I was wrong and she was right. I turned around, taking a deep breath to see Kurt standing right in front of me.

"How do you explain her constant irritation with you? It's because she's a _girl_." I shook my head and looked away from him. "No, I think it's the pregnancy hormones or something. They make her kind of nuts."

"It's enough to, wanna give up women all together," Kurt said, laughing. Uh, no. No I wouldn't ever wanna give up girls. Boobs. Ass. _Rachel_. I mean Quinn. Quinn god dammit. "Uh, yeah," I agreed, sorta laughing. "Anyway, thanks for the advice about singing to the baby like that. Uh, worked like a charm. I owe you one, dude." I slapped him on the arm and smiled, walking away. Kurt was a cool dude. Now where the hell was Quinn?

* * *

I tried smelling my own breath before Mr. Schue walked into the choir room. Mm, I smelled like bubble gum. I hoped he liked bubble gum. I watched him walk in and gave him a huge smile until I saw her.

"Why is Miss Pillsbury here?"

"Uh… um, well, I… I, too, am very curious about the power of the ballad. You know, I'm thinking of doing some career counseling in song."

"Okay. Rachel." I turned to face Mr. Schue and ignored Miss. Pillsbury. Clearly he was more interested in me than her.

"Rachel, this is a mash-up of "Young Girl" by Gary Puckett and the Union Gap and the 1980 Police classic, "Don't Stand So Close to Me." And I want you to listen very closely to the lyrics because I really mean what I'm singing. Really listen. Okay."

I sat down beside Miss. Pillsbury and watched him sing. He was so adorable! And he really meant that he wanted me to hear this? Oh my god he wanted to be close to me. And he thought I had the charms of a woman! And oh god, the way he moved. I licked my lips slowly and turned to Miss. Pillsbury, watching her swaying. Why was she looking at him like that? OH GOD HE CALLED ME BABY. He wanted me. I knew it. I clapped my hands wildly as he finished singing.

"So, Rachel, do you think you understood the message I was trying to get across with that ballad?"

"Yes. It means I'm very young, and it's hard for you to stand close to me."

"Um, no, um…Emma, would you mind helping me out here? Um, was that the message that you got?"

"You're a very good performer." She turned to me, nodding her head. "He's very good." I nodded back.

"Well, I for one can't wait to go home and work on a medley of my own for tomorrow, because this lesson has given me…a lot to think about." I quickly left the room, practically skipping in joy. Oh! Mr. Schuester was perfect!

* * *

"Thanks for coming over, Kurt. I know you're into fashion and that kind of stuff. And I need to find something nice to wear to the Fabrays' for dinner, so…" He interrupted me quickly. "I couldn't be more pleased and honored to help you find something vintage and appropriate to wear."

I opened the chest in front of me to see exactly what I was looking for. "Here it is. My mom never had the heart to throw this stuff out." I smiled as I picked up my dad's military helmet and placed it on Kurt's head. "Here, hang on to that for the next time Puck throws you in the dumpster." I smiled at him while he told me about how his Dad was like my Mom and how he kept his Mom's stuff after she died. "I know it's stupid, but sometimes I'll sneak in there and open all the drawers and lie on the floor and close my eyes and just smell her." My heart broke for Kurt.

"That's not stupid," I told him softly. "I guess in a way, I'm lucky I never knew him, you know?" I smiled as I pulled my Dad's old jacket out of the chest. "Check this out!" I put the jacket on and felt it settle on my body. It fit, like, perfectly. And that just made me feel a lot closer to my Dad. Kurt handed me a tie to wrap around my collar and I sighed. "My father was brave enough to fight in some desert thousands of miles away, and I can't even go over to Dudley Road and tell the Fabray's the truth."

"Your father didn't charge into the breach empty-handed. He had a weapon." I blinked twice, letting that sink into my head. He really thought I needed a weapon? Holy shit, was Quinn's dad gonna murder me? "You think I should bring a gun?" I asked, my eyes wide.

"N-No, I think you should use your greatest weapon— your voice."

* * *

"Hey, sweetie, I'm home. Something smells good." I quietly walked behind Mr. Schue, who was on the couch and handed him a beer from his fridge. "Oh, thanks," he mumbled. "You're welcome!" I answered, politely.

"Casserole's almost ready. Hope you like venison!" I smiled at Mr. Schue and quickly walked back into the kitchen, going to check on my casserole. It had to be perfect for Mr. Schue. Then I quickly got to work on cleaning the bathroom like Mrs. Schuester told me to. If it made Mr. Schue happy, I would do it!

"Do you have any more Ajax?" I walked into the kitchen to see Mr. Schuester speaking to his wife and I waved at him softly. He was adorable when he looked stressed.

A little while after, he called me back into the kitchen and told me he was bringing me home. Perfect, I thought as I got into his car, being instructed that I had to sit in the backseat. Together with Mr. Schue in a car. Alone! At night! Perfect.

"Why do I have to sit in the backseat?" I questioned, after he started driving.

"Um, it's the law. Children have to ride in the back."

I huffed under my breath. Children? He thought I was a child? I was a grown woman! Well.. almost. "Children under seven," I mumbled.

"Well, I'm just concerned for your safety."

My ears perked up and my heart raced. He didn't want me to get hurt! "Really?"

"Um, no. Not really." Okay, that was weird. I looked out the window before I spoke again.

"I think we should take advantage of this golden alone time and practice our ballad."

"That would be great, but I don't have any music in the car."

I quickly pulled the CD I had made out of my backpack and put it into Mr. Schue's car stereo. Except, he totally cut me off while I was singing and stopped the song! How rude!

"I.. I wasn't finished,' I told him. "Yeah, well, the acoustics are horrible in the car. Put your seat belt back on."

I rolled my eyes as I flung my seat belt over my body. "So… how's it going with Puck? Are you guys still seeing each other?"

I groaned at the thought. "I broke things off. He was too immature, as are all the boys in high school. I need a man who can keep up with me intellectually and creatively." I was speaking of Mr. Schuester, I really was, but Finn's lovely face popped up in my head before I pushed the thought away.

"Well, that's a tough road for most high school boys."

I took a deep breath before answering. "That's why I have my sights set much higher."

* * *

"Mmm, it's a lovely ham." When had I ever used to word lovely before? I mean, other then to describe Rachel's eyes, but that was in my head. And I totally was not supposed to be thinking of Rachel while I was having dinner at my girlfriend's house with her parents!

I listened to Quinn's father give his toast and he started talking about his other daughter had like, married some Christian dude and he owned a chain of UPS stores. "...Little Quinnie - we are just so proud of her. Captain of the Cheerios. President of the Celibacy Club.." My heart started thumping like crazy and I almost threw up on the table and I thought maybe I really should have brought a gun. I could barely hear anything he was saying before I stood up. "I have to go to the bathroom." I didn't wanna pass out at the table, or barf so.. it was the best I could come up with to get the hell out of that dining room.

As soon as I got there, I called Kurt. "I'm at the Fabrays and I'm freaking out. What does a heart attack feel like?" I was pretty sure I was having one. My heart was like, in the nerve about my eye and I was going to die. My body was literally numb.

"Settle down, cowboy. This is why we burned the disc and spent all that time rehearsing."

"I can't do it!"

"Yes, you can. Just remember the power of the ballad."

"I have to go; they'll think I'm pooping," I whispered, hanging up on Kurt. I got up from the bathtub ledge and looked at myself in the mirror. I did some Jackie Chan moves to pump myself up but honestly? All I saw was a failure staring back at me. And I still felt like barfing. I grabbed a stereo I saw in the kitchen and walked out of the bathroom, into the Fabray's dining room.

"That's my kitchen radio." Quinn's mom stated, looking at me like I was insane. "Yeah, I need to borrow it."

I heard Quinn's voice, all low and stuff. "Finn. What's this?"

I looked at both of her parent's and tried explaining myself. "Well, we have this assignment in Glee Club to sing a ballad. They're all about expressing the things you can't find any other way to say."

"Oh God Finn! Don't! Please! Don't!" I had never heard Quinn's voice so scared sounding so I tried sounding really soothing. "No. I need to do this. For both of us." I looked at her Dad, who was looking from Quinn to me. He looked terrifying. So I started singing before I lost my guts.

**Havin' my baby  
What a lovely way of sayin'  
What you're thinkin' of me  
I can see it, face is glowin'  
I can see in your eyes  
I'm happy you know it**

Quinn was barely looking at me and I walked around her Dad to stand beside her.

**That you're havin' my baby  
You're the woman I love  
And I love what it's doin' to ya**

I smiled softly at Quinn as I sang until I heard the music stop and I looked over at Quinn's dad, who got up from his chair. I looked at Quinn as her dad came closer to me and was practically breathing on my neck. He's gonna kill me. He's actually gonna murder me.

Her parents took us to the couch in the living room.

"There must be some sort of mistake here. Quinnie, we raised you right." I looked up at Quinn's mom, who had tears in her blue eyes. "You...you did. We didn't even have... sex..." Her mom's tone raised. "I'm sorry, could we just stop with the lying please?"

Did these people not know that you can have a baby without the whole sex thing? I mean, sperm swims faster in a hot tub!

Her dad started talking about some game he took her too. It had nothing to do with the baby or whatever so I didn't really get it but Quinn was crying and telling her dad she was sorry. He pointed at me as I made eye contact with him.

"You need to leave."

I didn't need to be told twice, I was shitting my pants. I started getting up, but Quinn pulled me back down. "Wait. Please, Daddy can we talk about this? Finn is a good guy. He loves me."

"You, too. Get out of my house."

I felt Quinn's body tense beside mine and took in what her dad said. He was kicking her out? How could he possibly do that to his own daughter!

"You can't do that. She didn't do anything wrong. Please, Mrs. Fabray, do something." I got up from the couch, going towards Mrs. Fabray, begging her with my eyes to help us out. "Don't bother Finn. If she wanted to do something, she would've when she found out that I was pregnant."

Wait.. she knew?

"You knew?" Mr. Fabray said, asking the question that was on my mind. Quinn's mom only shook her head and stuttered out something that sounded like 'no.' Quinn started fighting with her Mom and her Dad and I just stood there, completely useless, until they kicked us out and I brought Quinn home.

"Honey, how many times have I told you, you gotta turn these T-shirts right side out before you…" I knew my Mom saw Quinn beside me, with her tear-streaked face.

"Um… Mom, Quinn's parents threw her out. Could she stay here for a couple of days?"

"Yeah, of course she can. Honey, you can stay here as long as you want."

I have to say, I have the most awesome mom in the entire world.

* * *

Pepper started talking to me again in the school washroom. Why was she stalking me like this and going on about how we were so much alike and both crazy in love with Mr. Schue?

But then it hit me, when she told me to get my self-respect back. She pointed out that I had self-esteem issues and was just using Mr. Schue. And she was right. I needed to set things straight.

I walked into the choir room to see Mr. Schue. "Mr. Schuester, I'm ready when you are! The ballad I've selected has an important message that I'm anxious for you to hear."

He stopped me before I could continue. "Rachel, I'm sorry, I'm going to have to stop you. The way you've been acting is totally inappropriate. I'm your teacher, Rachel, and I'm sorry,but that's all I'm ever going to be."

I smiled softly at him, nodding my head. "I know. I…brought these for you as an apology," I said, holding up the flowers I had brought with me. "And the song I was going to sing was,"Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word" by Elton John, 'cause I know how much you love it. I'm such an idiot. Mooning over you and cleaning your apartment…"

I started crying softly, looking away, as Mr. Schue sat down on the chair across from me.

"Hey. It's okay. I know it's not always easy for you, Rachel. And I know that there are some things about yourself that you think you'd like to change. But you should know that there is some boy out there who's going to like you for everything you are. Including those parts of you that even you don't like. Those are going to be the things he likes the most."

For a second, I thought about Finn. I thought about how he could maybe be that one. But no, he couldn't. He thought I was ugly. He didn't want me like that. He thought I was annoying. He had Quinn. But, I believed Mr. Schue. Maybe someday, I would find somebody.

"Thanks, Mr. Schue."

* * *

"So they just kicked her out?"

I thought back to the moment that Quinn's dad set the timer on the microwave for half an hour and told Quinn to pack and get out. I told Kurt about it.

"I'm sorry. I guess my plan kind of sucked." It wasn't his fault. I shouldn't have gotten her pregnant in the first place.

"No, uh, this is good. No more secrets. You know, everything's out there–all the feelings. And that's better, right?"

"Yes. Better."

And then I asked him what his ballad was gonna be.

"I Honestly Love You."

My jaw dropped. _What did he just say?_ "Uh. Sounds awesome. I don't know the song, or whatever, but it sounds positive and nice and stuff." I couldn't even look at him. What the fuck had just happened. Thankfully, Mercedes walked in and told us to come into the choir room.

I sat down beside Quinn, who was already in the choir room and she shrugged her shoulders, confused.

"Your fellow Glee Club members want to sing a song for you guys to let you know how they feel about you." My heart fluttered all girly and shit because wow, they really cared.

"What are you going to sing?" I blurted out.

Rachel caught my eye and smiled at me and I felt like the world just stopped spinning. "Just listen. The song says everything." I felt like she was talking to me and only me and her voice sorta just melted my troubles away. And her eyes were all sparkly and stuff and it was just awesome because she still cared and I had basically lied to her and used her but she still _cared_. So I just nodded and smiled back.

I almost started crying when they started singing Stand By Me and I held onto Quinn's hand as she cried and I smiled. And I knew Rachel was singing to me when she looked at me and smiled at me and I saw Brittany hug her and her smile was so incredible my heart felt like it was on fire. So I smiled and watched my friends sing to us and I just felt so... loved. And it felt really awesome.

And I'm not gonna lie.

Seeing Rachel smile and laugh was part of that awesomeness

* * *

**Authors Note/ By the end of this chapter, I was totally into it. I thi****nk it's my longest chapter yet but with the whole Fuinn drama (and sorry about the amount of Fuinn in this chapter, yes, I hate it too) I could really feel all Finn had to say. I really connected with Finn Hudson in this chapter and I enjoyed writing as him. To Cory and to Finn, I miss you every day.**


	11. Chapter 11 - Hairography

**Finchel moments in this one and a lot of Rachel and Finn thinking about each other and their relationships. Lots of Fuinn vs Finchel. Also, this chapter is rated M for vulgar language and some suggestive thoughts!**

**I hate Fuinn by the way, I totally support Quick. But I adore Finchel so, yeah. I hope you guys enjoy this one, please leave reviews!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any songs used.**

**Songs Used:**

**John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John - You're The One That I Want  
Cyndi Lauper - True Colors  
Hair, from Hair / Beyonce - Crazy In Love**

* * *

"All right, guys. I did some thinking last night. I think I found our new number for Sectionals. We're going to do the title song from "Hair". Now, this show started a revolution."

Puck's hands quickly went up to his signature mohawk. "Wait, did they have mohawks back then? Like in the 20's or whatever?"

He was totally right. The dudes in Glee weren't too fancy on hair. I just had the haircuit my Mom gave me, Puck had his mohawk, Kurt.. well he was an exception.. and then there was Mike and Artie. They just had normal dude hair. And Matt! He was like, bald. I spoke up and told Mr. Schue that we should have more hair if we were gonna do a hair thing.

"One step ahead of you. Here are your wigs." He threw me a huge leather bag and I started pulling out the wigs inside. These were freaking hilarious! It look like I was holding like, a furry thing in my hand.

* * *

I quietly got up from my chair and met Mr. Schue at the piano in the middle of the choir room where he was setting his papers down.

"Mr. Schuester?"

"Yeah?"

I got closer to him, lowering my voice into a whisper. "What are you doing? We are fine where we are. We don't need hairography. It's just a distraction." I knew the Jane Addams girls had left an impression on Mr. Schue. I could tell from his awe-struck, worried face when we had watched them perform in the gymnasium. Little did he realize that the girls wildly flipping their hair just distracted from their mediocre dance moves and less than mediocre voices! Unlike us, those girls were relying on hairography to help them win. We needed the opposite of this. We needed people to see the passion, emotion, and raw talent we had when we sang together as a group. Mr. Schuester was clearly not understanding this as well as I was!

"Look, I have to be honest. Those Jane Addams girls did freak me out a little. And I'm worried about our chances for Sectionals. I mean, we have to pull out all the stops if we want to win." I rolled my eyes, but I understood his worry. Schuester looked past me and started to laugh and I felt my own lips curve into a smile when I turned to see what he was laughing at. The glee boys definitely did rock luscious locks!

* * *

I felt my eyebrow hairs ripping from the skin.

"Ow!" I grabbed the spot my hairs had literally just been ripped from, wincing at their sensitivity.

"The key is to never wax above the eyebrow. Always shape from below. Trust me, I get a lot of practice. Look at mine." I looked up into my mirror to see Kurt pushing back his hair and checking out his eyebrows. Why was I even in this position? Why had Kurt offered to give me a makeover? Being Rachel Berry, never one to hide my thoughts, I asked him.

"One, I'm a sucker for makeovers, And two, you need something to distract from your horrible personality." My jaw dropped open at his brutal honestly. The worst part is, he continued!

"Most of the time, I find it hard to be in the same room with you. Especially this one. Which looks like where Strawberry Shortcake and Holly Hobbie come to hook up. You're extremely talented, Rachel. Watching you perform is… amazing. But sometimes it's hard to appreciate what a good singer you are because all I'm thinking about is shoving a sock into your mouth."

"Well, what kind of makeover did you have in mind?" My voice sounded thick with sadness and I struggled to push it away.

"We need to broaden your appeal. I want every boy at school to do a double take when you strut past." I lowered my gaze as I started thinking about Finn Hudson. Finn. Sweet, funny, charming Finn. I didn't need every boy at school to do a double take. But there was one that would make my heart drop if he took a second glance at me.

The words spilled out of my mouth before I could stop them. "There's really only just…one boy that I'd like to impress. Can you keep a secret?" This was my first time having a real friend over my house and I just felt like I could tell Kurt anything. So I did.

"I'm in love with Finn."

"Really?" He asked me, looking straight into my eyes. I nodded slowly. "I understand completely. Let's move on to makeup." Kurt spun me around, quite forcefully actually, and picked up a makeup brush. "I happen to know for a fact That Finn is attracted to loose women," he continued, brushing powder over my eyebrows. I frowned, confused, as I looked up at Kurt. "What? Quinn is so wholesome."

"Let me put this into musical theater parlance. In Grease, what did Sandy do to get Danny Zuko? She had to ditch the poodle skirt and slap on a cat suit. In short, she had to dress like a hoe." I looked at Kurt through my dresser mirror and pulled back in shock. "Maybe if your look was better, more desirable, Finn would be in your arms right now. Instead of Quinn's." He was right! Kurt was absolutely right! If Sandy could do it, and fall happily in love with Danny, I, Rachel Berry, could definitely have Finn in my arms and have my own happy ending! I smiled up at Kurt, willing him to begin working magic on my face. He smiled back, a makeup tool in hand.

* * *

I walked into school, holding my head high. I actually felt really... _sexy._ I had never worn anything like the outfit Kurt put me in. A tight, push-up, spaghetti strap halter top complete with a mini skirt and short heels. I felt... pretty.

That feeling lasted a total of two seconds as I strut through the hallways and not one boy took notice of me. Not one boy even took a first glance at me, never mind a double take! My confidence quickly diminished until I saw Finn walk by and we made quick eye contact. I quickly lowered my eyes, pretending not to see him and I felt my heart collapse as he kept walking past me, not noticing me.

* * *

The moment I saw Rachel I almost jizzed in my pants. I didn't even recognize her until I had walked right by her! My dick actually, like, twitched. A few times.

And just forget about my heart. It barely lasted that eye contact. It was going so fast I thought I was going to actually have a heart attack.

"Hey, Rachel."

* * *

My heart leapt when I heard Finn's voice. I brushed the hair out of my eyes and walked towards him.

"Oh, hey, Finn. I didn't see you there." I stopped in front of him, taking a deep breath as I tried to read his face. But he was just staring at me, his mouth hanging open. Was he even... breathing? "Did you want to ask me something?" I continued, trying to get him to speak, or even breathe.

He took two steps closer to me, his lips pressing together and then opening again. He had the most _amazing_ lips. I thought back to when I kissed them, how soft and warm they had been. "Uh, yeah, I-I just, I forgot," he stuttered, staring at me. "I got distracted." He evidently looked down at my breasts, which made pride swell up in my chest.

"Well, I'm glad I got your attention," I replied, smiling widely at him.

* * *

I stood in the hallway, my eyebrow raised as I stared at Rachel. God damn, had I missed something? What the hell had happened overnight? She started talking to me but I could barely hear words coming out of her mouth because my heart was beating so loudly as she started walking closer to me. I thought I was going to pass out. She was the sexiest, hottest, biggest turn on I had ever seen. Quinn didn't compare to her in the slightest. No Cheerio compared to her. Hell, no porn star even came close to comparing to Rachel! My heart leapt in my chest as her dark brown eyes stared into mine, looking all sexy and huge.

I took a few steps closer to her. All I wanted was to push her against a locker and just fucking fuck the shit out of her. Did she realize what she was doing to me right now? "Uh, yeah, I-I just, I forgot," I answered her. I could barely form a fucking sentence my tongue was in knots or something. "I got distracted" I looked down at her boobs, which were popping out of her tight black top. If I could just reach out and cup them, I bet they would fit just perfectly in my hand and they would be all soft and warm.

"Well, I'm glad I got your attention," she said, smiling up at me. Damn, she was so fucking sexy. I shook my head, trying to focus on what she was saying.

* * *

"I wanted to know if you wanted to come over on Friday night. As someone who's had long, luxurious locks since I was a toddler in the pageant circuit, I figured I could give you some tips on our hair number."

His instant reaction had me initially taken aback but so flattered and I really felt so sexy, the way he looked all excited and was looking at me up and down.

"Yeah, that'd be great!"

"Great," I answered him, trying to remain calm, while my heart was pounding. "How's 8:00?"

"8:00 is terrific. It's terrific." His smile was super huge and his eyes were big and glistening and he leaned closer to me, hanging onto my every word. This is what it felt like to be gawked at and it felt amazing! I could get used to this treatment! Well, from Finn. I didn't really care much about other boys gawking over my body.

I turned away from Finn on my heel, smiling, and caught up with Kurt.

* * *

"I wanted to know if you wanted to come over on Friday night." My heart literally stopped beating and I was pretty sure I was drooling. Did Rachel just ask me to go over her freaking house? On a Friday night? My mouth hung open and I felt the corners of my mouth turning into a smile as she talked about her hair or something about helping me with my hair for... something. Who the fuck cares! I was going over sexy Rachel's house on Friday night! I practically jumped when she finished talking and my smile almost split my face in half.

"Yeah!" I started reaching out towards her but quickly pulled back. "That'd be great!"

She started nodding and was talking really softly and stuff while I was practically screaming. "Great. How's 8:00?"

I couldn't take my eyes off her as she stared up at me. She was so hot oh my god she was so fucking hot.

"8 is terrific. It's terrific."

I walked her walk away from me while I stood in the hallway, staring at her sexy little body. Holy fucking shit I was going over her house on Friday night. I couldn't take the smile off my face. And all I was picturing was how awesome it would be if I ripped all her clothes off and laid her on top of me and just thrust into her. I imagined her thrashing around, naked and wet on my chest as I fucked her_. Hard._ And, right now, as I watched her walk away from me with Kurt, I kept thinking about she was just so hot and sexy and just so_ beautiful_.

* * *

"Objective achieved. Commence phase two."

I was so totally going to have Finn crawling into my arms by the end of this. Kurt was a mad genius.

* * *

I spun around, still thinking about Rachel and saw Quinn standing in the hallway talking to some girls.

"Hey Quinn!" I yelled, practically running to her. "Hey, Quinn. I, uh, wanted to ask your permission to maybe do something on Friday night, if…" Quinn interrupted me just as I was getting to asking her if she was cool with me hanging out with Rachel and whatever. "Oh that's fine! I'm babysitting anyways!" I smiled at her, nodding my head. "Oh, cool!" _Rachel. Boobs. Sex. Rachel. _"See ya," I said to Quinn patting her on the arm and walking away. _Sex. Rachel. Beautiful. Sex._

God damn, Rachel was so fucking sexy. Now what class did I have next?

* * *

I applied more lipstick, trying to make my lips look as red, plump and kissable as they can be as I spoke to Finn, who was waiting for me in my room.

"I'll just be a second!" I yelled out, and listened for his reaction. "Thanks again for helping me out with this hairography stuff."

"Yeah!" I answered as I coated my eyelashes with mascara. "I mean, you know, it's all about getting warmed up. Could you think of a song, Maybe, that we could practice with? What about the, the one from Grease? You know, we did it when you first joined the club?"

I started walking out of the bathroom and leaned against the wall as Finn spoke. "Okay, only I was just mostly nervous that day, but it…"

"Tell me about it, stud." I interrupted, leaning against the frame of the door, trying to look as sexy as possible.

* * *

"I'll just be a second!" I heard Rachel yell out as I sat on the edge of her bed nervously. I was in Rachel Berry's fucking room on a Friday night. Oh. My. Jesus.

"Thanks again for helping me out with this hairography stuff," I blurted out, laughing a bit. Why was I so nervous? Pull it together man.

"Yeah, I mean, You know, it's all about getting warmed up." Warmed up? She wanted to warm up with me? HOLY CHRIST HOLY CHRIST HOLY CHRIST. "Could you think of a song, Maybe, that we could practice with? What about the, the one from grease? You know, we did it when you first joined the club?" Oh, that song. Yeah, okay. Sure.

"Okay, only I was just mostly nervous that day, but it…" I saw Rachel walk out of her bathroom, her hair all big and crazy curly and she was wearing all this weird red goopy stuff on her lips and was she wearing a catsuit? What the fuck? My boner literally shrunk. This was not hot at all. It wasn't even... pretty.

"Tell me about it, stud." What the fuck was happening? My eyes darted around the room and I just wanted to disappear as she hit play on her radio. Was there like an escape route in here?

I did the only thing I could do. Sing. And I sounded fucking _awful_ but she was making me so uncomfortable like, grinding on her chair and spinning and doing this weird stuff. And she totally just grabbed my hand. FUCK. This was way too much. I did not like this one bit at all. I tried looking at her ass, to see if it would do anything, ANYTHING, to turn me on. Nope. Nothing. Had I gone female? I mean, why was she even doing this? I watched her dance awkwardly and sing to me before I put my hands out, stopping her. "Wait. Stop."

* * *

"Wait. Stop, stop," Finn ordered as I danced, not even looking me in the eyes.

"What's wrong?" I asked him as I paused the song.

"I need to be honest with you. I'm-I'm really uncomfortable right now. I'm gonna say this as nicely as I possibly can, but you look like a sad clown hooker."

I actually felt my heart shatter into a million pieces.

* * *

"What's wrong?" Rachel asked me, turning around to pause the music.

I felt the word vomit coming but I mean, it was Rachel. I could talk to her about anything... and she deserved to know the truth. "I need to be honest with you. I'm-I'm really uncomfortable right now. I'm gonna say this as nicely as I possibly can, but you look like a sad clown hooker."

My heart dropped as I watched the brightness leave her eyes.

* * *

"W-what?" I stuttered out, blinking back tears.

"This look, it just isn't you. I mean, maybe when I first saw it, I was caught off guard that you looked all adult and stuff..." I self consciously wrapped my arms around my chest, trying to disappear. I was humiliated. I felt like a total and complete failure. "...but it's not what's really great about you, Rachel. I actually like the way you usually dress, sequined leg warmers and stuff."

I took shallow breaths, trying to hold back my tears as I listened to Finn. "I thought this was what you liked," I mumbled, keeping my eyes away from Finn's. Trying desperately to look anywhere but at Finn.

"No, not at all. Funny, I was just having this conversation last week with Kurt, and he asked me…" I watched as Finn remembered their conversation.

"I feel like an idiot," I said, still not looking at Finn, as my tears threatened to spill over.

"No, no, this is my fault. It isn't right for me to be here anyway." Finn paused and took a deep breath. "But I really like you, Rachel. I gotta go."

I said nothing, and continued staring down at my carpeted floor. When I looked up, he was gone.

* * *

"W-what?"

"This look, it just isn't you. I mean, maybe when I first saw it, I was caught off guard that you looked all adult and stuff, but..." I looked up at Rachel, who had her arms wrapped around herself, trying to sink into the corner of her room. "It's not what's really great about you, Rachel. I actually like the way you usually dress, sequined leg warmers and stuff."

I smiled at the thought of a beautiful Rachel in those pink sequined leg warmers that I loved to see her wear. When I saw her wearing those at school, it was just different. Different than how I felt when I saw her the other day, looking all sexy. When she looked at sexy I wanted to rip her clothes off and just fuck her a million different ways. When I saw her looking all Rachel-y, yeah I still wanted to fuck her but I wanted to _make love_ to her, gently so I wouldn't hurt her and I could just pleasure her in so many different ways instead of doing a million quickies. Because when she was Rachel-y in her leg warmers and stuff, she was so fucking beautiful. And it made my heart literally feel like it was swelling up and my stomach felt like it was filled with butterflies and shit. Man, I sounded like a woman. Puck would actually kill me if he heard my thoughts.

But Rachel, in her leg warmers and animal sweaters, yeah, it may have not been every guys fantasy but I loved seeing her in them. She looked at cute and adorable and beautiful at the same time and I just wanted to like... love her.

She panted as she answered me. "I thought this was what you liked."

"No, not at all. Funny, I was just having this conversation last week with Kurt, and he asked me…"

I thought back to last week when I was walking to class with Kurt and he asked me what kind of girls I liked. I told him about how I just liked girls who looked natural and stuff, not too much makeup, no skintight clothes.

"I feel like an idiot," Rachel said, shaking her head from side to side. I saw the tears in her eyes.

"No, no, this is my fault. It isn't right for me to be here anyway..." I thought of Quinn. My _girlfriend_. My girlfriend Quinn who was having my baby and I was in Rachel's house. What the hell was I doing here? I licked my lips as I looked into Rachel's pretty eyes and remembered why I had really wanted to come here. "But I really like you, Rachel." I looked at her as she looked away from me, pain clearly written on her face. I just wanted her to look up at me and see that I really meant it. I really liked her. I really, really, really, really liked her. I think maybe I even lov-I saw Quinn's face in my mind. "I gotta go," I said quickly, walking out of Rachel's room.

I was a douchebag. I was an awful boyfriend and I felt even shittier for hurting Rachel. That was the worst part. I felt shittier for hurting beautiful Rachel then lying to my pregnant girlfriend.

* * *

"You set me up! With Finn!" I looked at Kurt, frustrated. Why did he do this?

"Looks like someone is running for drama queen again."

"How could you do that? I thought we were friends."

"And what made you think that? You should be thanking me. All I did was help you realize that your schoolgirl fantasy of running off with Finn was nothing but a fairytale." I listened to Kurt until it dawned on me. _OH._

"You like him." I watched Kurt's face drop_. Busted_. Yeah, that's, that's what this is. And you were just trying to eliminate the competition."

"I was just helping him understand that you are not a viable second choice." _SECOND CHOICE?_ Did he realize what he was talking about?

"You think I'm a second choice?" I asked in disbelief.

"A distant second," Kurt cooly replied.

"You think I'm living in a fairytale? If I were second or if I were 50th, I'd still be ahead of you because I'm a _girl_." I instantly regretted the words and seeing Kurt's face. I was a horrible person. I was terrible and I hated myself at that moment.

"Okay, here's the dope, princess: There's no hope for either of us. He loves Quinn. They're having a baby together. We're nothing but distractions. The sooner we realize that…The better." I watched Kurt's eyes fill with tears as he walked away and felt mine do the same.

I was an awful, horrible person. And he was right. All I was to Finn was a distraction. An ugly, stupid distraction.

* * *

**Got me looking, got me looking so crazy in love  
Got me looking so crazy right now, your love's  
Got me looking so crazy right now**

Rachel was totally grinding her hips against my dick right now. I know it was part of the dance and whatever but it was so hard to concentate when I just wanted to explode all over her. And the way she was flipping her hair? So god damn sexy. _QUINN. QUINN. QUINN. LOOK AT QUINN._ She looks pretty cute too- Oh my God Rachel is doing some awesome thing with her boobs holy shit.

EW. Wig hair in my mouth, ew ew ew.

* * *

I spotted Quinn standing against the lockers as soon as I came out of the bathroom. She really was really pretty. Like, really pretty.

"Hey."

"Hi. Can we be in love again?"

My head got all fuzzy as soon as she said the word love because all I could think about was... not Quinn. I didn't think I loved Quinn at all. I mean, yeah I loved her but I was never _in_ love with her. The guilt swelled in my chest when I thought about Rachel. Rachel and how I had grown to really, really, really like her. A lot. A lot a lot. And the other night at her house-.

"I have to tell you something first. I, uh…I want us to be honest with each other, no matter what."

"You can tell me anything."

I breathed a sigh of relief even though I was really nervous. She was having my baby and I felt like I was cheating on her or something. Was sorta being in love with another girl cheating? I really hoped not.

"Cool. Uh…It… It's not really even that big a deal. I mean, I didn't actually do anything, But, the other night, when you were babysitting…I kind of went over to Rachel's house. But nothing happened. I… Just was worked up about us fighting and then she put on this really weird catwoman suit, and so I think something could have happened, but it didn't. Because I only want to be with you." Lie.

No, no it couldn't be a lie. Quinn was my girlfriend. She was having my _baby_. I was in love with her. Yeah, totally. I only wanted to be with Quinn not crazy Rachel. She was insane! She was like, not my type at all. Quinn was my type. Hot, popular Quinn.

"It's all right. Thank you for being honest with me."

I looked at her for a few moments and my heart caved into my throat when four words slipped out of my mouth.

"I love you Quinn."

It was like my heart was actually screaming at me. My brain was telling me I was totally awesome because I was totally in love with Quinn but my heart was like, all clamped up and it hurt. Screw my heart.

I went in for a hug and she hugged me back.

"I love you, too."

* * *

I saw Finn with his arm around Quinn's waist as he looked down at her adoringly. He was so in love with her.

It felt like time froze and my heart completely shattered.

They looked perfect together. They were perfect together. They were made for each, they were supposed to be together, forever. I felt the tears well up in my eyes and I saw Kurt in the middle of the hallway, the same broken expression on his face. The same heartbroken expression I had on mine.

We were similar, Kurt and I. We pretended we were okay, we had dreams and ambitions in life. But I think, deep inside, we wanted to be loved. We wanted somebody to care for us and tell us they loved us. I think he realized that too as we waved to each other.

* * *

**You with the sad eyes  
Don't be discouraged  
Oh I realize  
It's hard to take courage**

I looked over at Quinn as Tina sang softly and I saw her already staring at me and smiling softly, her face looking stiff.

* * *

**And that's why I love you  
So don't be afraid to let them show  
Your true colors**

I watched Finn as he sang, pouring his heart out into the lyrics. Him singing was truly beautiful. He was beautiful. Like the lyrics said, he was so afraid. He was afraid to be soft, sensitive, charming, adorable Finn because everybody wanted his to be tough guy, quarterback, popular Finn. I smiled softly as I watched him and my heart jumped as he looked at me, singing softly to me. The stress lines of him face disappeared for a few seconds and his eyes sparkled magically. He was so handsome. Suddenly he turned away with a frustrated look on his face as he licked his lips.

* * *

**So don't be afraid to let them show  
Your true colors  
True colors are beautiful  
Like a rainbow**

I looked over at Rachel as she sang. I always liked to watch her sing, it was like it made me all tingly inside and it was like, there was something really special about it. It was magical. She was already looking at me, giving me a shy smile and my heart froze inside my chest. I knew I had stared at her for too long - longer than you would stare at a friend. But there was something so beautiful about her and I felt like all my stress and worries melted away for a second. She was so... she was so beautiful.

But then I thought of Quinn and my baby and the fact that I was in love with Quinn. I looked away from Rachel, frustrated with myself. My brain wanted Quinn. Everything about Quinn was right and perfect. She was blonde and hot and popular and easy to love. I just had to listen to her and do what she wanted. With Rachel, everything was more complicated. My heart hurt and when she smiled, man. When she smiled something in me lit up. She was complex and expected so much of me. She thought I was talented and she was really into me. We were so opposite - she was the girl nobody liked. She wasn't popular. Loving her wouldn't be easy. But she was so beautiful.

And I wanted to love her so badly.

* * *

**Authors Note/ I hope you guys liked this story. Writing torn Finn is always difficult but I really enjoy it. Please leave some reviews, they mean a lot to me and I love reading them. Also, I'd like to maybe do a oneshot so if you have any ideas for that, leave it in the reviews section. Thanks so much. I really appreciate you.**

**With love,**

**Laura**


	12. Chapter 12 - Mattress

**Authors Note/ I hope you guys enjoy this chapter!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or the songs used.**

**Songs Used:**  
**Lily Allen - Smile**  
**Van Halen - Jump**

* * *

Kurt threw some books on the piano in the choir room and looked around at everybody.

"Where's Rachel?"

I knew he wasn't talking to me specifically but I felt like I should be the one to answer. "She's not here yet."

"Perfect. Glee club stands on a delicate precipice. We have all felt the cold humiliation of a slushie in the face. But as of right now, our relative anonymity as a club shields us from more severe persecution: swirlies, patriotic wedgies…" I looked around at everybody, trying to see if they were as confused as I was. I didn't catch Puck's eye but just seeing his face, I knew he was as lost as I was, from the time Kurt said the word precipe or something. Precipide? Porcupine?

"What's a patriotic wedgie?" I heard Mercedes ask from in front of me. _Oh!_ I knew that that was!

I spoke up. "It's when they hoist you up the flag pole by your undies." I heard Artie mumble something about feeling more American when it happened to him. It happened to him? Oh. Oh wait. I was there when it happened to him. _Awkward._

"Based on my investigation, I am of the opinion that a yearbook photo would only fuel the flames of anti-glee-club terror. I've done a little library research. Peter Gellar. Glee club second tenor, 1998. He can be seen here with both a drawn on Hitler moustache and rice paddy hat. Shortly after the yearbook came out, Mr. Gellar had a nervous breakdown. He is now the homeless man who sleeps in front of the public library."

I looked at the picture, horrified. I would not be able to rock a Hitler moustache if that happened to us, on our picture.

He continued talking about yearbook photos and how people defaced them. One person even drew a cartoon knife going through a girl's head! What the fuck was that all about? But Kurt was totally right. We shouldn't fight Figgins if he says we can't have a yearbook picture but it might be better if we just didn't.

Mr. Schue walked in and we all pretended to look innocent and whatever... until he saw the old Thunderclaps.

"You know what? This year's thunderclap is going to have a glee club photo with every one of your smiling faces. You have my word on it."

I swallowed hard, not making eye contact with Mr. Schue. We were _so_ screwed.

* * *

I stormed into Principal's Figgins office intent on giving him a piece of my mind! How dare he not allow the Glee Club to have a picture in the Thunderclap?

"Mr. Schuster, I'm very sorry to interrupt. Principal Figgins, as you very well may know, this is my first year in glee club and I've just been informed that New Directions has not been afforded a yearbook photo. As you might expect, my two gay dads have a very close relationship with our local branch of the ACLU and if it's up to me-"

Mr. Schuester interrupted me as the principal stared at me with a stunned look on his face.

"Beat you to the punch, Rachel. It's all good. We're in the yearbook."

I smiled up at him happily. "Oh. Fantastic. Thank you so much." I quickly turned away and walked out of the office, a bounce in my step.

'Make fun of me all you want, but school pictures are everything to me. They're great practice for getting photographed by the paparazzi. Invasive as the press may be, stars are dependent on them for their fame, and I feel I must be prepared. In order to do so, I join every club I possibly can. I know you're thinking that I'm just joining all of these clubs to give off the appearance that I'm involved, known to exist, but glee club is different, I really love glee and I believe in what we stand for. We've come from behind, dismissed and ridiculed by everyone, and we've made something of ourselves. Something that I'm proud to be a part of, something I want to be remembered for.' I thought as I looked through all the Thunderclaps in the library.

* * *

I walked up to Kurt who was playing scales on the piano in the choir room.

"Kurt, I have a fantastic idea for a club that would officially make me the most involved student in the whole school. I want us to start a GayLesbAll." I nodded at Kurt, looking down at him expectantly.

"I'm sorry?" Why did he look so confused? This was a brilliant idea on my behalf!

"The gay-lesbian alliance. Gay-lesb-all." I tried explaining it to him, but he turned and walked away from me.

* * *

"Hey, guys! Great news! Glee club gets a photo in the thunderclap." I looked at Mr. Schue and then turned my head to see the rest of the Glee kids whose faces looked exactly like mine. I knew everybody was thinking the same thing - we were so done for. We would be the laughing stock of McKinley. And we already were!

"Yep. It's going to show everyone at the school that glee club is on its way up. When we win regionals, those claps are going to be collector's items. I mean, all of your classmates are going to be begging for your autographs. But, I had to compromise to do it. Um, we only get a quarter page in back. Which means we have to pick two team captains to appear in the photo. So, tomorrow we're going to put it to a vote! Exciting, huh? All right!"

* * *

"Well, we're all here. I guess we should vote."

I jumped up quickly, my prepared speech in hand. "With your permission, I have prepared a few words."

"I nominate Rachel," Mercedes said in a monotone voice. "Second," Kurt added.

* * *

I tried smiling at Rachel, who was now standing awkwardly in front of the Glee kids with her speech in her hand.

"All right, let's vote up in this piece. I gotta go hit the gym and load up the guns of Puckerone for the football picture." I nodded, agreeing with Puck. I should probably go too - I needed to look jacked for that picture.

We all watched Mr. Schue count the votes. I voted for Rachel. I mean, even if the Glee Club wasn't such a horrible thing to be in and we had to vote I would still have voted for Rachel. I would_ always_ vote for Rachel.

"Looks like everybody voted for Rachel. Including Rachel. But, we need two captains, guys." My girlfriend spoke up quickly, trying to come up with an excuse. "Why two? We're fine with having Rachel represent us in the Thunderclap by herself."

"We'd actually prefer it," Kurt added, wide eyed, as Mr. Schue looked at us. He looked kinda pissed off but I tried being smiley and stuff. I mean, Rachel wanted this so it was cool right? She was happy to do it and we were happy to let her. More than happy.

* * *

I walked into the choir room after being called down by Mr. Schuester.

"You wanted to see me, Mr. Shue?" He quickly nodded at me and smiled, setting down a chair for me. "Oh, yeah, Rach. Sit down. So, how's the new captaincy going?"

"I think that my unanimous election gave me a very strong mandate to shake things up," I answered him, smiling proudly.

"Great. Well, I have a job for you, captain. We need a co-captain. You have so many great ideas, no reason you shouldn't have some help pushing them through." Mr. Schue was right. I would need help by somebody to push through my ideas. I had over 65!

"I'm on it!" I said, putting my hand out for a handshake. I, Rachel Berry, was going to find myself a trusty lieutentant!

It wasn't as easy as it seems.

"Um, I can't be co-captain. No time. Kwanzaa."  
"I'd love to be in the photo, Rachel, but you'd be standing and I'd be sitting and it would throw off the whole composition."  
"I don't want to be in a picture with you. It'll get defaced. I'll be the one doing it."

I knew I could only count on one person so I went on a hunt for him._ Finn Hudson._ He would help me!

"I'm desperate. Glee club needs you, Finn." I followed behind him, trying to keep up with his long strides as he hurried away from me.

"I'm totally honored you asked me, but don't you think you should pick somebody who, like, cares more? Not that I don't, but I just have football and friends and stuff." Hurt crossed my mind but I pushed it aside.

"Glee club only started working after you joined. Face it, we wouldn't have all of the cheerleaders and football players in the club if it wasn't for you."

I heard Finn sigh loudly and watched as he closed his eyes. "You know I love glee club. I just don't know why I have to represent it."

I grabbed his arm and pulled him towards me so he would be facing me. "Because you're a leader, Finn, and that's what leaders do. They stick their necks out for people that they care about. There are stakes here. Morale is low, you know it. If things don't change, we're not even going to place at sectionals and then the club is over. I can't do this alone."

* * *

"I can't do this alone."

I looked down at Rachel and thought about everything she had said to me._ Rachel believed in me_. Aside from my Mom, Rachel was the only one who really believed in me. She saw something in me that I couldn't even really see. She thought I was a leader. She even looked at me like I was somebody to be... looked up to. _Admired_. And I really cared about her. I would stick my neck out for her a million times. And I _never_ wanted her to be alone.

"You don't have to. I am a leader. That's who I am, who I want to be. You got yourself a co-captain. I'll do the picture with you." I watched her smile up at me, biting her lip and felt a smile form on my own face at the sight.

* * *

"I totally understand that as captain of the football team, you've worked really hard to project an appearance of steely toughness, but glee club is different." I grabbed Finn's hand and pulled him along. "We have to present the appearance of positivity and optimism. So… we're gonna practice and I'm going to teach you how to smile correctly for your photo."

I smiled at him, the smile I had been practising for years.

* * *

Was she telling me I didn't know how to smile properly? I mean, every time I smiled she looked up at me and looked all happy and stuff so I thought I was doing it right this whole time!

I watched her come closer to me and smiled at her as she signalled the music to start playing. I watched her spin around and start singing and I gulped. Why was I so nervous? I tried focusing on the lyrics and singing to calm down my brain.

**I was so lost back then,**  
**But with a little help from my friends,**  
**I found a light in the tunnel at the end**

She grabbed my arm and starting pulling me against her and then away from her, dancing to the song. I smiled softly and continued to sing even though my heart was beating crazily. She jumped up at sat in between my legs, leaning towards me and smiling as she sang. She lifted my cheeks up into a smile and ran her hands through my hair quickly before grabbing my arm and pulling me up.

* * *

**At first, when I see you cry, yeah it makes me smile, yeah it makes me smile**  
**At worst, I feel bad for awhile, but then I just smile, I go ahead and smile**

I lifted Finn up and wrapped his arm around me, feeling it under my breast. I left my hand on his bicep as I felt him tense around me and squeezed his arm slightly and we swayed to the music. I hopped up on a chair behind him and grabbed his shoulders, continuing to sing as I danced with him.

* * *

**La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la**

Rachel grabbed my hand and I smiled brightly at her, watching her eyes light up as we danced and sang to each other. Suddenly she let go of me, leaving me facing the drum set and went behind me. I felt her hand hit _my ass_ playfully and jumped up a bit, spinning around to face her with a huge smile on my face. She was so _sexy_. I watched her as she signalled for me to come closer to her and I practically ran to her.

* * *

**At first, when I see you cry, yeah it makes me smile, yeah it makes me smile**  
**At worst, I feel bad for awhile, but then I just smile, I go ahead and smile**

I watched Finn as he sat down and I went around him, sitting down next to him closely. I tickled his sides as he sang and the song ended as he jumped onto me.

* * *

I tickled Rach as the song ended, smiling widely as she squealed underneath me and laughed. I couldn't remember the last time I had just let loose like this and just had fun. I never did kind of thing with Quinn. I pushed the thought away and laughed as I continued to squeeze Rachel and watch her laugh.

* * *

I hit the inside of my locker trying to take off my jersey when Karofsky and Azimio tackled me into it and started drawing on my face.

"Hey, man, shh, we're practicing, dude! Chill out!"  
"We heard you're going to be in the glee club photo, and we don't want to mess up messing it up!"

I fought them off and pushed Karofsky into a wall. "Screw you, Karofsky! I'm sick of you pulling people down!" I screamed at him, filled with rage.

"Hey, man, don't talk that kum-bah-yay-yah crap. All right, you know the system's put in place to keep order around here. You know what, I'm gonna give you some options, okay? Do you want me to put the Hitler mustache on your glee club picture, or do you want the buck teeth on your glee club picture? Which one do you want? It don't matter to me either way. I'll put both –" I pushed them both away from me as they continued to talk and laugh at me. "Hey, how do you spell "loser"? I'm gonna write it on his forehead."

I stood against my locker in shock as they walked away from me. "His big ol' potato head. You could write a whole haiku on that thing."

I couldn't do that picture. I just _couldn't_.

* * *

I played with my hair as I waited for Finn to come take the picture with me. _Where was he?_

"I'm ready. I'll… do it myself." I sat down on the chair in the centre of the room and saw the light flash in my eyes instantly, while I sitting adjusting my hair!

"Wait, I… I insist on only being shot from my left side!" I sat for a few more pictures and turned to my left, leaving my mouth closed as I thought about Finn. How could he just leave me to do this by myself? Didn't he care about Glee? Didn't he care about me?

"Yeah, I kind of need to see your teeth. It's sort of my job here," the photographer said, looking at me expectantly.

"I'm sorry, I'm just… I'm upset. My co-captain bailed and it just… I'm sorry, I just need a minute." I got up from my chair and went to look at myself in the mirror.

'Snap out of this. Stop being defined by what other people think of you, or how they disappoint you. It's lonely at the top, you know that. What's that song about overcoming professional and personal disappointments? Oh, yeah. When you're smiling, when you're smiling the whole world smiles with you,' I sang to myself, as I looked in the mirror and then turned towards the photographer.

"I'm ready." I sat back down and fixed my hair, shooting the camera the smile I had been practicing in front of my year since I was two and a half.

The photographer took two pictures. "Great."

"Wait, wait, wait, wait. That-that's it? I practiced over 18 different poses for this shoot, and I haven't even shown you any of my over the left shoulder pose. See?"

"Sorry, kid, I got to blow. I got a casting session in half an hour." Casting session? "A casting session for what?" I asked him.

"My brother-in-law is shooting a commercial for his store. I'm directing it. I just do these school photos for the money." The tears starting pouring down my face, just as I had rehearsed many times over the years.

"Wait, no, don't…I can take a couple more pictures for you." I instantly stopped crying and looked up at the photographer. "I can cry on demand. It's one of my many talents. I'm very versatile, and aside from nudity and the exploitation of animals, I'll pretty much do anything to break into the business."

"We-well, you certainly seem talented and all, but I need… There's other speaking parts in this thing. I need, like, a bunch of other actors, too." Lights went off in my head as I nodded quickly. "I can help with that."

* * *

"I'd like to call this meeting to order." I said to the Glee members, speed walking to close the door until I went somebody step in between the door frame and the door. The person I least wanted to see or associate with.

"Hello Finn. How nice of you to show up," I said, turning away from him, not bothering to look at his reaction. I heard him breathe out loudly.

"Look, I'm sorry. The guys were harassing me in the locker room about it. They said that if I took the glee club photo, that they'd make me choose between a Hitler mustache or buck teeth, and I can't rock either of those looks."

Rachel looked at me, her eyes filled with disappointment and I felt my heart drop as I shrugged my shoulders and turned away from her to take my seat beside Quinn.

"Do you think I have a potato head?" I asked her. She looked at me like I was a complete idiot.

"Okay, look, I realize now that all of you think that glee club is just a joke. Okay and you're convinced that we can't win, and you're content to just sit idle by until Figgins cancels the club." I continued to touch my head while she spoke. Potato head? Was it really that large? "Well, I'm about to present to you a rare opportunity. The opportunity to become stars." I looked around the room to see everybodys face light up.

"How?" Quinn asked, looking confused.

"We've all been cast in a local commercial." Rachel answered, giving a smug smile.

"Are you serious?" I asked, excited. I'd never been on TV before!

She looked at me and shot daggers with her eyes. "Yes Finn." Rachel said my name in a disgusted tone and I instantly shrunk back into my seat. "While all of you have been so concerned with your appearance in this school, I've landed glee club its first big break. Simply put, making us all celebrities. Okay and no one messes with celebrities or defaces their pictures."

"What's the commerical?" Tina stuttered out.

"Hold on to your hats and get ready to sell…some mattresses!"

I clapped my hands and grinned at Rachel. I WAS GOING TO SELL MATTRESSES! My Mom was going to be so proud of me!

* * *

"You guys, I want us to always remember this moment. Soon, there may be agents and managers and movie deals, but right now I want us to remember what it feels like to be here together as a team." I smiled at the Glee members, clad in blue pajamas, ready for the commercial.

Mr. Cusperberg, the manager and director of the commerical spoke up. "Okay, guys, we're very excited to have you here. We here at Mattress Land believe that mattresses aren't just for sleeping and fornicating anymore." Is he really talking to us about _sex_? "We believe that buying an affordable mattress should be fun."

The photographer I spoke to the other day spoke up. "All right, let's go over the script. I think it's pretty brilliant. I wrote it myself. Action!"

We sounded terrible and the script was awful so I gave Mr. Cusperberg my personal opinion.

And with that, we performed 'Jump', complete with the brilliant choreography of jumping up and down on the mattresses.

* * *

My favorite part of performing Jump was when I picked Rachel up and put her on a mattress and we were jumping together and singing with each other. Or the part where she went under my legs. That was awesome. It was one of the most fun days I've ever lived through. And it was Rachel's brilliant idea that made it possible. She was the heart and soul of the Glee Club, you know. She was the glue that kept us together.

* * *

We all got ready for our Glee Club picture for the Thunderclap, without Mr. Schue because he got in trouble for sleeping on a mattress. We all got organized for the picture.

I went to go stand with Rachel on one side of the picture and got close to her, pressing my chest against her back. Quinn stood beside us with Mercedes and Tina in front of her. Matt, Puck, Mike and Kurt stand behind Santana and Brittany who were in their Cheerios uniform. Artie sat in the centre holding up a sign that said Glee Club 2009.

I think we all knew it would get vandalized. I did. I knew Karofsky and Amizio weren't kidding about the mustache or the buck teeth. But to tell you the truth, being beside Rachel and the rest of my friends, I didn't care. I was proud to be with them. I was_ so_ proud.

* * *

**Authors Note/ Please review! A new chapter should be up in a few days.**

**With love, **

**Laura**


	13. Chapter 13 - Sectionals

IS IT AN UPDATE YOU SEE? I KNOW, CRAZY ISN'T IT?  
I've been so so so so so busy but here is the update for 'Sectionals' that I was so excited to write because FINCHEL GALORE.  
I'm sorry to keep you guys waiting and maybe this is how it will have to be for awhile, a few weeks between updates but I would never abandon this story without telling you guys. I hope you enjoy this chapter, let me know what you think. And if you have any ideas for oneshots lemme know!

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any songs used  
Songs Used:  
Journey - Don't Stop Believin'  
Barbra Streisand - Don't Rain on My Parade  
The Rolling Stones - You Can't Always Get What You Want

"Hey, guys. Did any of you think it was weird the way that Puck rushed to Quinn's aid during rehearsal yesterday?" I said, running up to Mercedes, Kurt, Tina and Artie.

I thought back to the moment we were practicing and Quinn slipped. Puck, who was dancing beside me, went flying across the room to be by Quinns side, while Finn knelt on the other side. I couldn't hear what they said to her, but what she screamed to both of them was perfectly clear. "Would you both just shut up! There's, like, sweat on the floor. I slipped, okay? I'm fine!"  
I barely noticed that Finn had looked at me after Quinn had yelled at him, frustration and fear etched into his face.

"No..." Mercedes answered, like she had never considered the thought. "I mean, he likes her. I mean, they're friends. We all know that," Artie added.

I looked at all their faces, who were staring me down with confusion. I clicked my tongue, not thoroughly convinced. Finn and Puck were best friends and Quinn was with Finn. Wouldn't that mean that Puck would let her boyfriend handle her? Especially because she was now pregnant with Finn's child? My sixth sense was kicking in again and it put me on high alert. "Yeah, but it seemed like more than that. I've never told you guys this before, but I'm a little psychic. I can't read minds or anything yet, but I do have a sixth sense. Something is definitely going on there."

Mercedes quickly got up from leaning on the piano. "Uh, we... we got to go." I pulled back in shock. "We have to practice!"  
Kurt spoke up, throwing his satchel over his shoulder. "Oh, and we will, as soon as Mr. Schuester names a faculty advisor to replace him." I chased after them, trying to get them to stay. "There's nothing to be scared of. I mean, it… It's not like Carrie or anything." But they left. I sighed in defeat but then remembered the whole Puck/Quinn situation. I needed to get to the bottom of this.

* * *

I knew I needed to find out about the Quinn and Puck dilemma so I decided to start with Plan A. Scare Quinn into telling me the truth. I was nervous as could be, of course, as it was usually Quinn scaring me, but I was convinced my plan had to work. I walked up to her after spotting her at her locker.

"Hey. I know it's not my place, but have you had your doctor run the full genetic test panel on your unborn child? I only ask because my cousin, Leon, and his wife got pregnant, and then they found out that he was a carrier for Tay-Sachs."

Quinn looked at me with confusion evident on her face. "What's that?"

"It's a genetic disorder, pretty terrible from what I understand. If one of the parents is a carrier, then there's, like, a 50% chance that the child has it or something like that. No, Leon's… Leon's baby was fine. It was still pretty scary, though." Quinn looked down as I spoke, and I was worry lines show up on her head. I felt incredibly guilty for making up a story about my cousin Leon (who wasn't married and didn't have a child) but from Quinn's face, I knew my plan was off to a good start. Time to kick it up a notch.

"My doctor never mentioned that..." Quinn mumbled, still not looking at me.

"You know… I'm such an idiot. They would only run the test if one of the parents was Jewish. Yeah, only Jews carry the gene." Quinn's mouth dropped into an 'O' shape and lights went off in my head. I smiled at her, waving her off. "Okay, see you in rehearsal," I said before prancing away.

Once I got to the choir room I knew my sixth sense had been on the right track. Quinn had went up to Puck and pulled him off into a corner of the choir room, mumbling to him about a test. What test? Oh! Oh! The Tay-Sachs test! I tried listening but Puck was too quiet. Fortunately, his face, with his wide-eyes and all, told the whole story.

I sat down beside Finn when Mr. Schuester came in.

* * *

"Hey, guys? Let's, uh… Let's gather 'round. Well… I have found my replacement. So, give it up for Ms. Pillsbury. What's important is that she cares about you guys every bit as much as I do. Now… I-I don't know what the future holds for me, and for us, but I know, Saturday, you're going to make me proud. You guys are going to be great. So… Good-bye for now."

I felt really bad for Mr. Schue, I did. He didn't deserve being banned for Sectionals just because Figgins decided to be a douche. Schue was like a dad to me, he helped me through everything with Quinn and all and I looked up to him.

"Wait, what about our setlist?" Mercedes asked, as Mr. Schue turned his back to us. "I… I can't help you with that. You've got to figure that out for yourselves. All right, guys." We all watched Mr. Schue leave before Artie spoke up.

"Well, we have to do "Proud Mary" in wheelchairs. That's in." This was my time to be a leader, so I decided to say something. "And "Don't Stop Believin', for sure," I said, giving Rachel, who was sitting beside me, a small smile. She looked at me like I was the smartest guy ever. Would she be mad if I said we should do "Don't Stop Believin'" just because I liked how we got to dance together and sing together and touch each other, and hold hands during the song?

"What about the ballad?" Tina asked. Rachel got up beside me, smiling and walked to the front of the room beside Ms. Pillsbury. "I would be thrilled to contribute a ballad from my repertoire." Mercedes got up from her seat and started pointing at Rachel. "Okay, you know what, Miss Bossy Pants? Enough. I've worked just as hard as you, and I'm just as good as you. You know, you always end up stealing the spotlight."

Rachel's jaw dropped open a bit. "Mercedes, do you honestly think you're as strong of a balladeer as I am?" Not cool Rachel, not cool. I mean, I knew that Rachel was the best out of all of us and I think, deep inside everybody else knew it too but I was the only one who really liked Rachel and appreciated her. Not just for her talent, but for just being her. Like, when she looked up at me and made me feel smart and hot and stuff, I appreciated that. A lot. Nobody else really got to see her like I did though, so I guess I kinda understood it. Kinda.

Rachel came to sit down beside me. I was smiling at the guitar players while I felt Rachel's body tense beside me and I turned around to see her looking at me, her jaw set in an angry line. I gave her a little smile and licked my lips slowly. I felt Rachel loosen up beside me as Mercedes' powerful voice filled the room. She really was amazing, it made me kinda emotional. I turned to Rachel to see her smiling and it made me smile even wider, to see her letting go like that and realizing how amazing Mercedes was.

The thing is though, yeah, Mercedes voice made me smile and jump out of my chair a bit but even just Rachel's _little _smile did even more to me. It set sparks off in me and made my knees feel weak. And that was just her little smile. Her Rachel Berry smile, it lit up my world. It was my favorite thing in the world, more than football or Quinn or _anything_. Mercedes had an amazing voice yeah, but I knew Rachel was still the best. She was the best to me.

I clapped and watched Rachel stand up beside me and go up to Mercedes. "Thoughts?" Mercedes asked her, her hands on her hips. How did she just go from looking so passionate to so mean? "It's clear the room adores you. And, although it wouldn't be my first choice, well, I can't wait to see you sing that song at sectionals. You're amazing, Mercedes, and you deserve it. I'm going to hug you now." I smiled at Rachel's word. She was perfect. She knew what to say all the time. She was so amazing and beautiful and perfect. And then she giggled and I thought my heart was going to burst.

When we walked out into the hallway I took big steps to catch up with Rachel. "That was pretty cool in there. I… I know that must have been hard for you." I looked down at her, to see her sparkling eyes looking up at me. "It was the right thing to do. I… I wanted to bring the team together."

"Yeah. You know, I got to be honest. I'm kind of pumped about Sectionals." She smiled at me before looking down at her feet. Rachel Berry was the one person I just felt I could open up to and just tell her everything and anything she wanted to hear. Well, maybe not tell her about the fact that I thought about her when I was.. you know.. jerking off, but if she really wanted to hear it I would tell her. I just wouldn't wanna scare her off or anything.

"This has been a hard couple of months with Quinn and the baby and everything and… I don't know. I really think that… winning could make everything good for a while. You know? Is that stupid?" I asked her, knowing I could expect an honest answer. My face scrunched up but softened when I saw her looking at me.

She looked up from me, all the sparkle gone from her eyes and she actually looked kinda... _sad_. "It's not stupid at all," she told me quickly, shaking her head. She looked all over my face and my chest a few times and I saw her face fall into a sad frown. Where was that smile? Why wasn't she smiling? I felt my own face fall at her sad expression.

"Is something up with you?" I asked her, trying to smile. She turned towards me quickly and got close to me. "I want you to be happy, Finn." I smiled at her, nodding my head. I wanted her to be happy to so I was glad she felt the same way. And it was pretty awesome that she wanted me to be happy because that meant she cared and stuff and that made me really, really happy. So why wasn't her smile back yet? She continued talking.

"And when you care about someone, you can't sit around and watch them suffer when you know you can do something about it." Since when had I been suffering? And why was she acting all weird? And why was she hiding something from me? "What are you talking about?" I asked her. "I have to tell you something." Rachel answered, looking into my eyes like she was searching for something. And when the story slipped from her mouth, I saw red. I was going to _murder_ him.

* * *

Finn ran back into the choir room as I told him my story and lunged onto Puck, throwing him to the ground. I stood and covered my mouth, watching Finn beat him up. Mr. Schuester ran into the room and pulled Finn off of him.

"Tell the truth!" Finn yelled at Puck as Mike and Matt tried holding him back.  
"Punk just walked in and sucker punched me!" Puck yelled in Mr. Schue's direction.  
"Don't play dumb— you're too freaking dumb to play dumb!" Finn yelled back, trying to fight off Matt and Mike to jump at Puck again. My hand went over my mouth again to conceal my sobs. I regret telling him. I regret it so much. I should have let him live happily ever after with Quinn and Puck's baby. I would have done that if I didn't have to see him going through this kind of pain. I never wanted to hurt him, I never did. "Who told you this Finn?" Quinn yelled, frozen in her spot. Kurt spoke up from beside me. "Obviously it was Rachel!"

Why did everybody hate me?

"What? I didn't do anything." I couldn't bear to look Quinn into the eyes as I said it. Finn stopped trying to jump at Puck and spoke up. "Yeah, I was Rachel, but I wanna hear it from you," he said, looking at Quinn. "I wanna hear it from both of you," he continued, the anger creeping up into his voice. "Finn, just calm down," Mr. Schuester said, placing his hand on Finn's muscular chest.

"No, they're both lying to me!" Finn screaming, his arms flailing wildly in the air. I wished I could have gone back in time to when he was happy with Quinn and everything was okay and Finn wasn't hurting. "Is it true? Just tell me— is it true?" Finn's eyes were swollen and puffy and he spoke to Quinn.

She stepped up, tears running down her face. "Yes. Puck is the father."

I watched Finn's face contort with confusion, anger, sadness and pure hatred. "So, all… All that stuff in the hot tub… You just made that up?" Finn asked, his voice cracking and tears welling up in his eyes. I _hated_ myself. I hated myself because now Finn was _hurting_.

Puck spoke up from behind Quinn. "You were stupid enough to buy it!"

Finn lunged in his direction but was pulled back by Mr. Schue. "I am so sorry," Quinn said between sobs, trying to get closer to Finn. "Screw this," he replied, throwing Mr. Schuester's hands off of him. "I'm done with you," Finn yelled, pointing at Quinn. "I'm done with... I'm done with all of you!" He screamed, storming out of the room and kicking a chair in his way, sending it flying in my direction. Quinn turned around to look at me but I was busy wiping the tears from my eyes.

I truly hated myself and now I understood why everybody hated me too.

* * *

I walked up to Quinn who was sitting in a bench in the hallway, my pulse going a million miles a second. "I'm so sorry. I fully understand if you want to beat me up. If you can, just try to avoid my nose." I squinted my eyes, waiting for the first punch but instead I just heard Quinn sad, small voice. "I'm not mad at you. All you did was what I wasn't brave enough to do, tell the truth." I shook my head slowly, hating myself even more for making this happen. I sat down beside her. "I was selfish when I told him. I wanted to break you two up, so he would want to be with me." I looked down as the words slipped out of my mouth.

"And now neither of us have him."

My heart broke at the truth of her words. I didn't have Finn, I hurt him and he _hated_ me. He hated me and I _loved_ him so much that I would have taken it all back and just disappeared out of his life if it meant he didn't have to hurt anymore. "I have hurt so many people. Can you go now? I just really want to be alone," Quinn said, her red eyes looking at me as I watched tears drip down her cheeks. I got up quickly, understanding her, and left her to be alone.

* * *

I sat on the couch at Sectionals, watching as people walked by. I was so incredibly excited yet still so devastated. Finn hadn't come. He hadn't even come to one practice since that horrible, horrible day. And he avoided me at all costs. I was heartbroken.

"We're going last? Isn't that bad?" Tina asked, after Ms. Pillsbury told us we were assigned to slot three. I looked around the room and saw the fear in everybodys eyes. I stood up. "Hardly. This is good news. My extensive auditioning for community theater has taught me that we either want to go first or last. If we're first, then everyone has to measure up to us, and if we're last, then we're freshest in the judges' minds."

"Did you ever get any of those parts?" Kurt sneered, while my face dropped into a frown.

* * *

We watched the Jane Addams girls sing. The exact song we were singing. I turned to my fellow Glee members and saw their faces, their jaws dropped. "It's a really popular song!" I whispered, trying to keep our disappearing 'positive mojo' alive.

It didn't work.

* * *

I looked through my locker in the football change room when I heard Mr. Schue speak up.

"Hey, Finn. I just called your mom. She told me you'd be here." I looked at him and answered. "Yeah, you know, football season ended, so I'm just cleaning out my things."

"Sounds like something that could've waited till Monday," Mr. Schue told me calmly. I looked away from him, ashamed and disappointed in myself. "You heard anything?" I asked. I needed to hear something good for once. I needed to know they were okay without me.  
"Yeah. It's pretty bad. I can't be there." I felt my heart drop and looked away from Mr. Schue. "And I can? I can't even be in the same room as her without crying like a girl. I can't look at him without wanting to punch his face off." I threw some shit from my locker into my bag.

"I don't have any more pep talks, Finn. You know I know how you feel. All I know is that, between you and me—I don't think that they can win without you," Mr. Schue told me softly. "But that's not fair!" I answered, my voice rising. "Why does it always have to come down to me? Why do I always have to be the bigger man?"

"Because sometimes being special… sucks."

I felt tears coming into my eyes and pushed them away. "I just want everything to be like it— Like it never happened, you know?" I wish it had never happened. I wish I was just walking down the halls with Quinn, not knowing about the whole baby thing. I wished it never happened. Why did she have to tell me?

"Well, Finn…you can't always get what you want. Listen, I'll be in the choir room." I watched him walk away and picked up his keys. "Oh, Mr. Schue, you forgot your keys!" I told him. "No I didn't," he answered, his back towards me.

I looked down at the keys in my hand and knew what I had to do. I couldn't make this about me. They were my team - they counted on me. Rachel counted on me. _Rachel_. I was gonna do this for me, for them, and mostly for _her_.

* * *

"You leaked the set list, you don't want to be here. You were just Sue Sylvester's little moles," Kurt said, looking at Quinn, Santana and Brittany accusingly.

"I know for a fact that's true. Sue asked us to spy for her." Quinn answered. "Look, we may still be Cheerios, but neither of us ever gave Sue the set list," Santana added.

Brittany piped up quietly. "Well… I-I did, but I didn't know what she was going to do with it."

"Okay, look, believe what you want, but no one's forcing me to be here. And if you ever tell anyone this I'll deny it, but I like being in glee club. It's the best part of my day, okay? I wasn't going to go and mess it up." My face softened from it's hard expression at Santana's heartfelt words. Hearing it from Santana, especially her, made it 800x different.

"I believe you," I said quietly, looking at her. "Okay, look, guys, there's no point in us arguing anymore. We-we have go on in an hour."

I watched the face's of my friends fall.

"We have no songs."  
"Perhaps I could improvise some of my def poetry jams."

I got up from the wall and took charge. Where was Finn? I needed him for this, to be the leader. I couldn't do this alone. But then I remembered how much I hurt him. "No. Look, we're going to do this the right way. Let's start with the ballad. Mercedes, do you have anything else in your repertoire?"

"Yeah, but it's not as good as anything you're going to sing," Mercedes answered quietly.

"No. We-we agreed." What was she trying to do here? She deserved this!

"We agreed that I would sing "And I'm Telling You," and that ain't happening. Look, Rachel, the truth is you're the best singer that we've got." My heart soared at her words and Kurt continued her thought. "As much as it hurts me to admit it, and it does, she's right. Rachel's our star. If anyone is going to go belt it on the fly, it should be her."

I smiled softly and pride swelled up in my chest. "Well, I do have something that I've been working on since I was four."

"Then I guess we have our ballad, and we can close with "Somebody to Love." It's a real crowd-pleaser." Quinn said, speaking up from across the room. "Yeah, that and a can of soup will guarantee us third place. We still need another song we can all sing together," Puck interjected. He was right.

And that's when we all heard heavy footsteps coming from the door.

* * *

I walked into the room and saw Quinn standing with Puck.

"I have one," I told everybody, raising my hand that held papers. My eyes searched for Rachel's, and I felt my body loosen up when I saw her, my heart soaring when she smiled at me and just gave me that look like I was the best thing she ever laid eyes on. I smiled softly at her and continued. " I found the sheet music online. I used the Cheerios' copier to make copies and then I trashed the thing. Mike, Matt, Brittany, Santana, you're our best dancers. Figure something out and we'll all follow your lead."

"It's going to be choppy," Mike said worriedly.

"Good. We're best when we're loose. Look, all we have going for us is that we believe in ourselves and what we're singing about. If we can show the judges that…We might have a shot at this thing."

Rachel took a step in my direction. "It's good to have you back Finn," she said smiling. I saw the relief in her face, knowing I wasn't angry at her. I could never be angry at her for what she did. All she did was tell me the truth. I smiled at her and nodded my head. It was good to be back. It was good to see her smile because it made me happy.

"You cool if I take my spot back?" I asked Jacob. "Quite. I was just here because I was hoping to get into Rachel's pants." I watched as Rachel rolled her eyes and I almost jumped at the kid because I was kill him if he even _touched_ Rachel.

"We cool dude?" I heard Puck say from behind me, his hand out. I looked at him and remembered the pain he had put me through. And Quinn. They put me through hell. I thought of myself at home, crying myself to sleep because of what they had done to me. And then I remembered who I wanted when I was crying. Whose face I wanted to see. Whose body I wanted to hold me. Whose soft lips I wanted to be on mine. I turned and walked towards Rachel as I heard Quinn say my name.

I walked close up to Rachel and saw her worried eyes looking up at me. "You okay?"

"Don't worry about me. Okay, this is all up to you now." I looked down on her, trying to motivate her with a soft voice. I knew she had been more worried about me than I could ever imagine but this was her time to shine. It was what she was born to do. Rachel was born to be a star and be in front of the crowd and shine like the star she was. I wouldn't let my problem stop her. I would never stop her from going after her dream. "You wanted the solo, you wanted the chance to be the star. This is your chance. Don't screw it up." I smiled at her softly and walked away, walking away from my safe place, my rock, Rachel Berry. My heart fluttered as I turn around again to see her, seeking out her beautiful, brown eyes and I melted when they met mine.

* * *

I took a deep breath as I heard 'Don't Rain On My Parade' start before I pushed the curtains away and started to sing.

_This was my time to shine._

* * *

_Here I am!_  
_I'll march my band out,_  
_I will beat my drum_

I smiled as I walked in to the room, adjusting my tie that had somehow tightened around my neck. I admired Rache'ls passion as she sang and I fell in love with her, watching her eyes light up as she sang. I couldn't keep the smile off my face. She was _perfect_.

* * *

_I saw her today at a reception _  
_A glass of wine in her hand _  
_I knew she would meet her connection _  
_At her feet was her footloose man_

I watched Finn as he sang in this perfectly seductive voice. It was just so Finn. It was just so _perfect_. He looked so handsome.

* * *

_And I went down to the demonstration _  
_To get my fair share of abuse _  
_Singing, "We're gonna vent our frustration_

My heart pounded as I grabbed Rachel by her waist and spun her into me, swaying us as we sang. I thought my heart was going to _explode_ when she ran her hand down my chest and smiled as she sang to me. She was so beautiful. She touched my heart in many more ways than one.

* * *

I watched Finn grin and I knew my face matched his as we singing the song and watched the audience cheer for us, clapping and screaming at the top of their lungs. I was so proud of us. I had never feel this satisfaction the many times I had performed on my own. This was different. These people love us - all of us. And I was so ridiculously proud.

* * *

_We won_. We won and we deserved this and I deserved this and Rachel was so god damn beautiful and perfect and everything was perfect.

* * *

"I am so proud of you guys. You won fair and square. The result was unanimous, and the judges didn't even know about all the shenanigans that were going on behind the scenes. So… Congratulations. You earned this. Give it up! Come on! All right! But, now we have regionals to worry about. And you can bet that Vocal Adrenaline is hard at work, so we should be, too. So, let's get started."

" Uh, wait, Mr. Shue. There's one more thing," Puck interuppted.

I cringed at Puck's voice. My ex-best friends voice. It sounded so soft and honest but it still hurt me.

The thoughts went away as soon as Rachel's angelic voice filled the air. "Since you weren't able to be there to see us perform, we put together a special number just for you. Take a seat!" I went behind Mr. Schue and pushed him gently into a chair I set up for him so he could watch us sing, and I ran to my spot.

As Rachel finished the song she looked up at me and grabbed my hand. During the song, she smacked me on the butt once in a playful way and another time we thrust our hips together and like, my dick was rubbing against her but that's besides that point. Yeah, they both felt really good but when Rachel looked up at me with so much light in her eyes and she held my hand, that was the position I wished I could stay in forever. That brightness in her eyes, the soft, reassuring squeeze her gave me, the warmth of her petite hand in mine. She was so beautiful, so perfect. And I didn't think I _ever_ wanted to let go of that hand.

* * *

Please review and give me your thoughts

With love,

Laura


	14. Chapter 14 - Hell-O

I promise you, I will never just drop this story. There will be pauses between updates bc I'm so god damn busy but I will never drop this story.

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee/the songs used**

The Doors - Hello, I Love You

The All-American Rejects - Gives You Hell

Lionel Richie - Hello

The Beatles - Hello, Goodbye

* * *

"Hey babe, looking good!" Mercedes said, coming to walk beside me as she clutched her books tightly to her chest. "Feeling good, Mercedes," I replied, with a grin on my face.

"This is amazing. Ever since Glee Club won sectionals, everybody looks at us differently." I smiled as she spoke, even flattered when I heard Jacob Israel yelling down the hallway about wanting to be with me. I had to admit, as creepy as he was, it was oddly confidence boosting.  
"We're glitterati. I feel like Lady Gaga," Kurt, who was walking on the other side of me, exclaimed. We walked down the hallway, smiling brightly and proudly.  
"Get used to it, guys, we're stars now, on par with all the jocks and popular kids; oh it's the dawn of a new era here at McKinley, and we are going to _rule_ this school!"  
And those were my last words before I felt the slushie hit me in the face.

* * *

'In some ways, I'm happy football season's over. I did set the single-season record for being sacked, but we only one won game.' I looked from Puck, who rolled his eyes at me, to Rachel who was wearing a totally embarrassing, bright blue 'Team Finn' t-shirt and jumping up and down, waving at me. Was I dreaming? Was she seriously doing that where people can like, see her? What the— I felt the ball being swiped out from under my hands and watched as some guy did a slam dunk. That's when it hit me.

I was kinda depressed.

* * *

I jumped back, surprised when Rachel popped up in front of me out of like, nowhere. I don't get how she does that. It's like, I think I'm alone, just making my way down the hallway but then she's just_ there_ and she's bouncing and smiling and it's embarrassing. Especially—what the fuck? Is that my face on a fucking cat?

"I made us his-and-her relationship calendars. That way, we always know what the other is up to, so you can't say you forgot we had plans when you miss our dates anymore."

Okay, this is just too fucking weird. "Great! I, Uh, but, I'm kinda allergic to cats so…" I tried walking away from her, attempting to also shove the calendar as far back in my locker as possible. What did she want me to do? Hang that thing up for everybody to see? Not happening. Not ever happening. I ignored Rachel when she started talking about phantoms or ghosts or some shit like that. I know I saved Glee Club, and I guess chicks dig me, but I guess if I'm being honest, it's more like I'm not over… her. I looked over at Quinn from across the hallway and saw her looking at me and my throat swelled up a bit when I saw her talking to Puck because man, they lied to me. My best friend and my girlfriend! Or more… my ex best friend and ex girlfriend. And when had Rachel become my girlfriend anyway? Had I even said anything about that to her? I was so off my game, and I didn't know how to get back on it.

I talked to Mr. Schue about it because, he was like the closest thing I'd ever had to a dad. I didn't feel awkward telling him about how I just felt bad about myself. And then he gave me the best advice, ever.

"You're a rock star, Finn! You're like Jagger, Morrison."

Mick Jagger? Jim Morrison? They were so fucking _cool. _Yeah, I liked that. I really liked that. Mr. Schue told me to go ahead and start singing about finding my inner rock star and it was like a light went off in my head because I could totally do the 'hello' assignment he wanted us to do and I could find my inner rockstar by like, bringing out my inner Jim Morrison! The Doors even had a song called 'Hello!' It was too perfect.

**Hello, I love you**

**Won't you tell me your name?**

**Hello, I love you**

**Let me jump in your game**

And just like that, it was like I was back in the zone, I had my A game on. I had the Cheerios all over me and I just knew Quinn was wishing for me back because look at Puck! He was just an idiot. And why was I even with Rachel? Yeah, she was awesome, but I was a rock star! I was the most popular guy in school and she was kinda, bringing me down. Brittany and Santana came up to me, interrupting my thoughts.

"Britt and I were wondering if you wanted to go out." _What?_  
"On a… date?" I stuttered out, while they looked at me like I had two heads. They nodded. "With which one of you?" They looked at each other and smiled knowingly. "With both of us."

And I just stood there, speechless, as I thought about girl on girl action between Brit and Santana and I started getting really turned on. This was _awesome_.

* * *

They walked up to me the next morning at my locker, holding each other's pinkies. I smiled at them – if only they knew what I had thought about last night when I jacked off.

"BreadstiX. Eight o'clock. Table for three?" Santana asked me, giggling. I smirked at them. "Cool."

Seconds later, Rachel came up to me. "What did they want?"

"Oh nothing, just the… time." I said quickly, shutting my locker and trying to get the hell away from her before she asked me any more questions. She followed me when I started walking away. _Crap._

"I know being my boyfriend is a challenge. I'm not Quinn, I don't look like her, I'm not popular, and my personality, though exciting and full of surprises isn't exactly low maintenance…" She pulled me to the side beside a trophy case and continued. "But I'll always be honest with you, painfully so, and all I ask in return is that you're just honest with me." I looked at her, a knot forming in my stomach and I knew I just had to tell her the truth. She deserved it. She was awesome and hot and stuff but she just wasn't… what I needed right now. Or what I wanted.

"I don't think I wanna be your boyfriend," I said, quickly, looking to see her reaction. I saw her eyes go glossy. "What?" Rachel asked me, softly.

"Rachel, you're really awesome, but I think I need to connect with my inner rock star before I can fully commit to one woman. I need to find out who I am now." I prayed she understood as I watched her, and she was slowly nodding her head, her mouth hanging open.

"I'll tell you who you are. You're a scared little boy. You're afraid of dating me because you think it might hurt your reputation, though which you'd never admit it, is very important to you." How the hell did she know this? "You hate what Quinn did to you, not just because it hurt, but because it was so humiliating," she continued.

"You're freaking me out. It's like you're inside my head right now," I told her, honestly freak out of my mind. How the hell…

"I just see you for who you are. Unlike you, who can only see me as this silly girl who made a fool out of herself in her first Glee Club rehearsal." She paused and took a deep breath and she looked into my eyes and I watched as tears gathered in hers. "And that's where you lose, Finn. Because if you take a second and you look at me, you'd realize that I'm the only person in your life who knows you and accepts you for who you are, no matter what."

I watched her lean her head down as she walked away from me. My brain was like, totally cheering me on because I did it and I broke up with her and that was the first step towards finding my inner rock star but somewhere in my heart I knew, I just _knew_, that I had made the worst decision of my life because it was true and Rachel did believe in me and accept me and make me feel good. Somewhere inside me, I knew I had fucked up so badly because there was something about Rachel – something about us being together – that was just so _right_. And I had just thrown it away. _Fuck._

* * *

I finally let the tears flow from my eyes and I walked away from Finn quickly, trying to control my aching heart. How could he do this to me? How could he just break me – break us – when I had been there for him? I was so, so, so stupid for thinking that he cared about me and thinking that he actually liked me. I was a fool and I wouldn't let it happen again.

"Mr. Schuster, I think I've found a song that sums up my feelings perfectly."

**Now where's your picket fence love?**

**And where's that shiny car?**

**Did it ever get you far?**

**You never seem so tense, love**

**I never seen you fall so hard**

**Do you know where you are?**

**And truth be told I miss you**

**And truth be told I'm lying**

**When you see my face**

** Hope it gives you hell, Hope it gives you hell**

I watched Finn's face as I sang to him and tried to capture his eyes with mine just to show him how he had hurt me but how I knew I had made a mistake trusting him. The song spoke for itself.

* * *

What the fuck had I done? What the _fuck_ had I done?

I watched as she sang and it was like fucking knives just stabbing me in the heart because Rachel was supposed to be the one to make me feel good and make me feel hot and make me feel like she wanted me, like really wanted me and now she was just throwing it back in my face? And I deserved it too, because I fucking hurt her and how the fuck did I do that?

"The assignment was 'hello," Mr. Schue reminded Rachel, his tone angry and frustrated. She turned to me, piercing my fucking heart with just her eyes. "I'm sorry, I was just focusing on the first syllable."

I tried pleading with her with my eyes to tell her how sorry I was but she just looked away. FUCK FUCK FUCK.

* * *

I walked to the music store after school, hoping to find another 'hello' song – one that would impress Mr. Schue.

"Lionel Richie, huh? One of my favorites."

It was as if time froze and my heart stopped beating. Jesse St. James was in front of me. Jesse St. James was speaking to me. I knew he was attractive but up close it was like looking at a Greek god. He was perfect.

"Oh my god. You're Jesse St. James. You're in Vocal Adrenaline."

"And you're Rachel Berry." JESSE ST. JAMES KNEW WHO I WAS? "I saw you perform at sectionals. Your rendition of "Don't Rain On My Parade" was flawed. You totally lacked Barbra's emotional depth." He took the Lionel Richie sheet music out of my hands and walked away. "But you're talented," he added, smiling softly at me.

"What do you say we take her for a spin?" Jesse asked me, looking towards the piano. I heart fluttered at his spontaneity. It was so incredibly… sexy. "Here? I'm kinda-a-a-a-a… nervous." He smiled softly at me again. "I remember when I used to get nervous. Come on. I do this all the time. I like to give impromptu concerts for the homeless. It's so important to give back." I nodded and admired his shining eyes as he looked at me. He gave concerts for the homeless? He was so lovely. He started playing the piano as my heart began to race.

**I can see it in your eyes**

**I can see it in your smile**

**You're all I've ever wanted, and my arms are open wide**

**'Cause you know just what to say**

**And you know just what to do**

**And I want to tell you so much, I love you **

I sat down beside Jesse and marveled at how wonderfully our voices blended, and how he was smiling at me and how it seemed like he was singing directly to me. I looked around the room once we finished singing, smiling at the audience that we had gathered.

"We should do this more often. How's Friday night?" I smiled at him in awe as he gazed at me, waiting for my respond and I ever so slightly nodded my head.

* * *

I watched Santana and Brittany destroy their plates of pasta in 15 seconds flat and I watched in total awe when Santana told the waitress to send the food back beside it 'wasn't satisfactory."

"Alright, hottest guys in the school, go." Was this_ seriously_ happening?

"Okay, um, Puck's super fine," Brittany said. "Finn's cute too." Santana nodded and added "Yeah, but he's not hot though." Was this a _joke_?

Apparently it wasn't because Santana actually continued talking. "And you know what, Britt? I think that dwarf girlfriend of his is dragging down his rep. I mean, if he were dating say, popular pretty girls like us, he would go from dumpy to smokin'." Okay, seriously, talking about me was one thing but why did she have to bring Rachel into it? And Rachel was _hot_ so what the fuck was she saying?

"Hey, uh, I'm right here. Would you guys mind, like, including me in your conversations?" I waved my hand around, trying to get their attention.

"Let us give you an introduction into the way that we work. You buy us dinner, and we make out in front of you. It's like the best deal ever." That would be pretty hot… "Did you see what Rachel was wearing today?"

The question, obviously not directed to me, cleared my head up. I thought about Rachel and what she had worn today and I thought she looked really adorable and I kinda just wanted to grab her and cuddle her and—how the fuck was I letting them make fun of her like this?

"Hey, guys, c'mon, don't make fun of Rachel. She's — she's kinda cool." I wasn't gonne start telling Brittany and Santana out of all people how I thought Rachel was super awesome and how cuddly she looked today and… did Brittany just call me mean?

"You know what, actually, would you mind waiting in the car? And leave your credit card." I stared at Santana because, like, she was actually being serious. I got up from the table, leaving a full plate of spaghetti and suddenly feeling sick to my stomach because I broke up with Rachel to flirt with other girls and be a rock star but now I wanted to be with her more than anything and have her hug me and make me feel all warm and tell me how she believed in me. I needed her back.

* * *

Rachel Barbra St. James  
Mrs. Rachel Barbra St. James  
Rachel Barbra Berry-St. James

I sighed as I stared at Jesse's picture in my locker. His hair was so luscious and his eyes so full of passion and…

"Hey Rachel, could we talk?"

I looked up to see Finn Hudson.

* * *

I was on a mission. I was going to make Rachel mine again. I was so much better when I was with her, I just didn't feel so alone and she brought out the best in me. I was going to get her back today. I was sure of it.

I saw her at her locker, smiling on something on her locker door. It was probably the crazy cat calendar she had made us when we were dating. Or maybe it was a picture of me! That would be totally cool if she was smiling just by looking at my picture…

But I knew it couldn't be true because as soon as she saw her, the smile came right off of her face and it was replaced with the meanest, coldest look she'd ever given me.

* * *

"Look, I wanna apologize. I realized I don't want to date other girls. Only you. You do talk too much, and usually you just talk about yourself, but at least I don't feel alone when I'm with you."

Was his kidding? Was that supposed to make me want to date him again? It was barely a compliment and it was far from a declaration of love. I deserved more than Finn Hudson. Even if my heart was telling me otherwise, I knew it was true. Nobody worthy of my love would basically insult me while trying to make me fall in love with them. (Not that Finn needed to try…)

* * *

"I'm glad you've come to that realization, but you're too late. I've met someone else, a boy who's finally worthy of my talent and love."

I almost threw up on the spot. I literally felt the vomit rising up my throat. She met someone else? How did this happen? When did this happen? She was supposed to wait for me to catch up! She was supposed to be in love with me! I was losing her! I was losing the one solid thing in my life! Who was this ASSHOLE apparently 'worthy' of Rachel's love?

"Woah, woah, wait," I asked her as she started to walk away. "Do I know him? What, is he, is he bigger than me?"

"Oh, he doesn't go to this school, and he's a senior. His name is Jesse, and he's the male lead in Vocal Adrenaline. We're both aware that our Romeo and Juliet romance will be a challenge, but our deep respect for each other's talent will carry us through."

Male lead? _Vocal Adrenaline_? Horrible thoughts of this Jesse douchebag _using_ Rachel started up in my head. I rolled my eyes because it was so perfectly timed that the male lead of our rival team would coincidentally ask Rachel out.

ROMEO AND JULIET? NO. He wasn't her Romeo! _I_ was her Romeo! She was _my_ Juliet.

"Rachel, don't you think that's kind of suspicious? We make it to regionals, and suddenly the top guy in our main competition picks you up?"

That had to be it. He couldn't actually fall in love with her because she was mine. And she definitely couldn't fall in love with him because… she was mine!

* * *

I tried to hold back my initial shock at Finn's comment. Why would another man not be interested in me? Was I not pretty enough… like Quinn? Or not smart enough? Or too much of a loser?

I sneered at him but spoke with confidence.

"I know it's hard to believe that anyone would like me without an ulterior motive, but you have to respect that our love is real. Move on, Finn. I finally have."

And with that, I triumphantly walked away from Finn Hudson.

* * *

I felt my lip quiver as I watched Rachel walk away from me.

When had they fallen in love? _Real _love? And when had she… when had she moved on? Because whether she believed it or not, I definitely had not moved on. She was supposed to wait for me to catch up! I was _slow _when it came to realizing stuff like this. She knew that!

No. _NO_. I wasn't going to let this_ douchebag_ fall in love with _my_ Rachel. This 'romance' needed to be over.

And with that, I walked to the choir room.

"Mr. Schue, we have a problem."

* * *

"He's playing you."

What were they talking about? How were they making these assumptions about Jesse when they didn't even know him?

"Okay, look. Jesse and I might not be true love, but what if we are? I know who I am. And how many chances at this am I gonna get?"

My heart was screaming at me. _Screaming. _ True love? _FINN HUDSON IS YOUR TRUE LOVE._ I decided to just ignore it because I was just a _rebound_ for Finn and nothing more.

I watched as Kurt and Mercedes shared a look.

They were going to kick _me _out? How would they win without me?

"Everyone is replaceable. Even you," Kurt (ever so… pleasantly) reminded me.

"We're a team, and all you've ever wanted was for us to be great, and be a part of something special. Now, is that still true or not?"

I thought of Jesse. I thought of my team. I thought of Broadway and being part of something _special_.

That made me think about _Finn_.

* * *

"I carry a rape whistle!" I yelled, as the spotlight shone on me while I was searching for Jesse on the Vocal Adrenaline stage.

"Just me," I heard Jesse answer, with a slight chuckle. My face whipped towards him and I took a deep sigh of relief, feeling my heart rate slow down.

I turned towards him as he came closer. "I have to ask you something. And I need you to tell me the truth, because if you don't there will be consequences, life-and-death consequences. Because if I give myself to you, and it turns out that you're just playing me, I might die. Not literally, but emotionally. It'll be the kind of heartbreak that girls like me hold for the rest of their lives, like Barbra in "The Way We Were." I watched Jesse throw his head back and laugh. "Oh my God," he managed to say through his laughter.

"What?" I mumbled, embarrassed by his reaction as he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me close to him, so we were chest to chest. I had never been this close to a boy before, this intimate. It felt _wrong_. His _hands_ weren't the right size and he wasn't a _giant_ and he wasn't _warm_, in fact, he was cold. He wasn't _Finn_ and that's what was wrong.

"You're more of a drama queen than I am," Jesse told me, smiling, as I looked down, doing my best puppy dog eyes.

He took a step away from me and stuck his hand out.

"Hi. I'm Jesse."

"I know who you are," I told him, staring in confusion.

"You know Jesse St. James, the star of Vocal Adrenaline, your competition at regionals. I wanna introduce you to Jesse," He took my hands and wrapped his around mine, doing small circles on my palms_,"…_the guy who's nuts about you. The guy who would never hurt you."

My heart fluttered as I went in to hug him and felt his arm wrap around me, tenderly.

"No one can know," I whispered into his body.

"I understand," he answered softly looking down at my lips and I gazed at his, jumping in for a passionate kiss and he rubbed his thumb against my cheekbone.

He was perfect for me. Jesse St. James was my true love.

* * *

"Hey," I heard, turning to see Rachel walking up to me.

My heart melted into a puddle when I saw her. She was so _beautiful_.

"Hey. I ended it with Jesse. You can spread the word. I know you know how to do that."

_Dammit._

I knew she'd be pissed about that. I was happy that she ended it with Jesse though. That meant there was still _hope_ for us! She knew it too!

"Look, I-I'm sorry. Uh, look, I know this really sucks for you, but I think it's for the best." I shrugged my shoulders at her, trying to play it cool.

* * *

How could I lie this easily to Finn?

"Taking one for the team. I get it," I replied, shrugging my shoulders and trying to leave. I felt so guilty and so downright awful.

"No, not just for the team," Finn said, pausing and looking away from me. "For us." I stood, staring at him, shocked. _Us_? When had there been an us?

"You and me," he continued. "I've been thinking a lot lately. I feel like I have all these problems, you know, with Quinn and basketball and girls and stuff, and I've been so overwhelmed trying to figure them all out. Then I realized, the only thing I needed to fix was us." I looked up at him sharply. He thought I was the answer to his problems? It was so… sweet in a charming Finn way. He thought about me? A lot? "I want us to be together, Rachel, a real couple. Look, I even circled some dates on your crazy calendar."

I looked inside Finn's locker as he pushed it open, seeing the calendar I had made for us hanging proudly off the door and it sent my heart into a twist. But.. Jesse.

"Is you not being able to talk right now a good thing or a bad thing?" Finn asked me, as if he was afraid.

"I can't," I sputtered out. "Can't what?" He asked, an adorably confused look on his face. I looked away.

"I-I can't be a couple with you."

I watched Finn's face drop and watched his lower lip shake, as if he was about to cry. I couldn't even look him in the eyes, I was too afraid I would jump up and kiss hold and hold him and get that lip to stop shaking, all sad and pouty. I needed to see the light in his eyes again.

"It's the team. We-we can't have any, um, drama right now. You know, we need, we need to focus on regionals. And I appreciate your offer, but in the spirit of being a team player, I have to decline."

I looked at the calendar hanging up in my locker. I don't give a shit if anybody calls me a loser or slushies me because of it. _Rachel _made it for _us _because we were special together. I would hang it up on my fucking forehead if that would show her how much I _adored_ her. I didn't care about the cats and our faces on the cats or whatever she did. I would do it if it made her _happy_. I would do it for her! Did she not get that?

And since when had the team ever stopped us from being together? I watched Rachel turn around and I knew, I just knew I would _never_ be able to let her walk away from me again.

"Hey, uh, woah," I called out softly, laughing a bit at the end. I smiled at her, my heart breaking. "I'm not just some guy that you met at the music store that you can just blow off."

"I don't give up that easy," I told her, staring into her eyes and watching the hardness melt away and I swear it, I think she felt it too. She felt the love I was willing to give her and make her mine, like it was supposed to be.

I picked up my bags and looked at Rachel. "See you in rehearsal," I told her quietly, smiling softly at her, letting my gaze linger on her for a few seconds too long before I turned away from my… my _everything_.

* * *

**You say stop and I say go go go**

**Oh no**

I watched as Rachel looked away from me, pain clear in her eyes, and skipped away as quickly as she could to get away. Didn't she feel what I did when I looked at her?

I caught up with her and bit my lips at how sexy and adorable and perfect she managed to look.

**You say goodbye and I say hello**

**(Hello Goodbye) hello hello**

**(Hello Goodbye) I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello **

I smiled at her, my heart pounding when she put her hand to my chest, over my heart.

* * *

**You say stop (I can stay) and I say go go go**

I watched Finn as he stared at me, as wide smile on his face and he sang, his eyes burning with… love. And it scared me because I knew I was doing all I could to not have my eyes look like his even though I so badly wanted to show him how I knew I felt, with or without Jesse as my boyfriend.

* * *

**You say goodbye and I say hello**

I got down on one knee, gazing up at Rachel adoringly because how awesome would it be to be on one knee one day and asking Rachel to be mine forever?

But why would she not fucking _look_ at me? I wanted her to see how I felt, see how much I adored her.

* * *

**Hello**

Finn wrapped his arm around me and kept me tight to him, his large hand over my stomach and waist. I relished the moment, the warm of his hand, the fast pace of his heartbeat, the feeling of our bodies being so close together…

I pushed off of him, being afraid of the tears I knew were coming, and I walked off stage as the song ended.

* * *

I told myself I would never let her walk away from me again.

So why wasn't I going after her when she left the stage, her face down the way it was the day I broke up with her, her body crumpling and shaking. I wanted to hold her and love her and kiss her all over. I would give anything to kiss her again and feel her small hands on my chest and her warmness.

Some part of me knew she wanted that too.

I stepped back into my stop and just thought of how it felt when I held her for those few seconds and it was as if I was still holding her tiny body in my hands.

I missed her so god damn much. I needed her back.

Mrs. Rachel Hudson, sounded pretty perfect I thought, thinking back to being on one knee in front of Rachel.

It sounded perfect because _we_ were perfect.

_We_ were just meant to be.


	15. Chapter 15 - The Power of Madonna

**Authors Note/ CAUTION. This chapter contains smut that wasn't originally in the show, but I felt it should be added in. Also, I added in one or two short scenes that weren't originally in the show. I hope you guys don't mind! This is my longest chapter yet - it took me hours to finish. I'm a sucker for reviews, so keep reviewing!**

* * *

Was that supposed to be me? I looked at Quinn's caricature drawing with the words 'LOSER' written across the top of the page. Well, sure it showed I had a moustache but at least the nose wasn't as bad as some of the drawings on the bathroom walls…

"Can I ask you guys something private?" I blurted out, hoping to break the awkward silence in the room.

"Yes, you should move to Israel," Santana quickly quipped back. I ignored the comment and moved my chair to the front of the room to face the girls.

"It's about dating. Not that I'm dating anyone. We all know that Finn and I are no longer an item and for the sake of the team, I broke up with Jesse. But let's just say I was dating someone," I paused to see the reactions of the girls. They looked intrigued. Good. "Let's just say, hypothetically, we went to a Wiggles concert last Friday night, and then because my dads weren't home, we went up to my room and started making out. It was erotic and romantic. And then he said…"

I thought back to the moment on my bed with Jesse when he said those four words.

"_We should do it."_

"_It?" I asked, shocked, trying to breathe while he smothered my neck in kisses._

"_Totally. Haven't you done it before?" He said it like it was a ridiculous question to be asked. _

"_No. Have you?" _

"_Well, what do you think?" He asked me, before going back to kiss me roughly on the lips. "__It's no big deal," he muttered, licking my collarbone. I turned my head away from him._

"_For a girl it is." He stopped kissing me and looked at me. _

"What if then he got really crabby and left, and didn't even take home the Care Bear I won him playing Skee Ball?" I asked the Glee girls, who were looking at me peculiarly.

"Would you please stop talking? You're grossing out my baby," Quinn interrupted, a disgusted look on her face. I looked away from her.

"I just want to be ready; I know I'm getting older, and these things are going to happen someday, but how do I stop a guy from getting mad at me for saying "no"?"

"Just do what I do. Never say "no."" I was horrified by her answer but slightly flattered that Santana had actually been listening to me.

Brittany continued Santana's thought. "Oh, totally. I mean, what's the worst that can happen?" She took a quick glance in Quinn's direction at her pregnant stomach. "Sorry, Quinn."

"Look, girl, don't ask me. The last guy I liked was the mayor of gaytown. And I can't wait to get a guy mad at me for saying "no."" I looked at Mercedes, remembering her time crushing on Kurt. Oh dear.

Tina spoke up. "We just have to accept that guys don't care about our feelings. Like, the other day, I was walking with Artie…"

_I've thought a lot about it, and I forgive you for lying about your stutter. However, if you're planning on getting all up on this, I'm going to need you to make some changes. The goth thing was two years ago, so maybe lose the vampire makeup and consider some tighter-fitting clothing. You've got the pow, and I believe you should work it more if we're going to be an item._

I winced as Tina retold Artie's harsh words. I never thought Artie would be one to say something so crude.

"That's got to sting," I told her, while the other girls nodded, looking quite sympathetic.

"Hey, guys." We all turned in the direction of the voice, seeing Mr. Schue walk up to us. "I'm sorry to interrupt your little sorority, but I couldn't help but overhearing. Are you really having that much boy trouble?" I cringed in my seat at the thought of him overhearing my Jesse experience.

I was thankful for Quinn when she spoke up. "You wouldn't understand, Mr. Shue. You're a guy."

"Well, then maybe you should talk to someone else about it. Like Ms. Pillsbury." His eyes shone when he said her name and I thought back to my encounter with the guidance counselor.

"_Oh, um, that's a hot-button topic, isn't it? I mean, when to do that. This is the perfect chat to have with your mom."_

"_I have two gay dads." _

"_Right, right— you, um… How about your rabbi?" Why did she look so uncomfortable? Wasn't this in her job description?_

"_I really don't feel comfortable talking about this with Rabbi Greenberg. Aren't you a guidance counselor?" _

The bell rang, interrupting my thoughts and I quickly shot up from my seat to get my bags.

"The fact is that women still earn 70 cents to every dollar that a man does for doing the same job. That attitude starts in high school," I heard Quinn tell Mr. Schuester, sounding quite confident before we all walked out of the room.

* * *

"What comes to mind when you see that name?"

"Genius!" I yelled out, basking in the glory that was Madonna.

"Icon," Kurt said from behind me.

"Hall of Fame MILF," another voice said. Puck. _Disgusting_.

"So, we're all aware of Madonna's musical and cultural significance, which is why this week, your assignment is to come up with a Madonna number."

I applauded as the girls around me all squealed and giggled. A Madonna number! The song choices already started flooding my head.

"Uh, Mr. Shue? As a dude, Madonna makes me kind of uncomfortable," I heard Puck mumble. I stopped clapping. Puck uncomfortable? Unheard of! Finn nodded his head slowly.

"Yeah, she's smokin' and everything, but can't some of us do something else? Like the guy version of Madonna? Like, you know, Pantera?" I took a quick glance at Quinn who was looking at her ex-boyfriend – and mine – in disgust.

The guys murmured in agreement before Mr. Schue yelled over them. "Guys! You know, it's come to my attention that many of you haven't been treating the young ladies of our group very nicely lately. You're disrespectful, bullying, sexist, and I hate to say it, misogynistic."

At the word 'misogynistic" I looked down at Finn who just as I expected, looked absolutely confused. "I have no idea what that means," he mumbled.

"When I pulled my hamstring, I went to a misogynist," Brittany answered. I watched Finn trying to piece Brittany's pulled hamstring and Mr. Schue's speech together.

I listened to Mr. Schue's speech as he raved about Madonna and nodded my head in agreement along with the rest of the girls… and Kurt.

"I'm still not down. And no chick intimidates Puckzilla. I just don't think her music translates to show choir," Puck protested, trying to get out of singing Madonna.

"Really? Well I, for one, couldn't disagree more," I answered, walking up to the band at the side of the room and then quickly taking my place at the front of the room.

* * *

**Come on girls, do you believe in love?  
****'Cause I got something to say about it**

I watched Rachel as she sang in the choir room and just watched the passion sorta flow out of her. Man, I _totally_ believed in love, I thought as I watched her, awestruck.

And then the next thing you know, the next day the girls did a huge performance of that Madonna song. It wasn't even the song that bothered me. It was the damn costumes. How was I supposed to watch when Rachel was in the tight red top and she was like, grinding the air. _Fuck._ Mailman, mailman, mailman. I looked away from Rachel, and all of the girls performance, trying to focus on anything, absolutely anything else to calm myself down.

**You don't need diamond rings or eighteen karat gold**

I made the mistake of looking at Rachel for a quick second while she sang one freaking line and she was like, totally touching her tits and running her hands down her tight little body. _Holy fuck, holy fucking fuck I was gonna jizz my pants_. I was going to fucking jizz myself!

I looked at the wall trying to find something to distract myself with. That light. Focus on that light. I heard Rachel's awesome voice in the background of my thoughts and just thought about what she was wearing. It looked awful on the other girls but man, she looked _hot_. And she kept touching her boobs! Its like she knew I had a hard on.

I didn't like the song at all. And the dance, expect for Rachel touching her boobs and grinding on the air and doing other sexy moves was… okay I guess the dance was good but _only_ when Rachel did it. When the song ended, I avoided eye contact with Rachel who was onstage because the other girls had taken their jacket things off and she didn't but I knew if she did, that would be the end of me. So I kinda just sat there, stunned.

I guess I knew what I'd be jacking off to tonight.

* * *

I stood at my locker, getting my books before math. Fuck. I hated math.

"Hey, Finnocence. You know, I've been thinking, and I think we should go out. Just you and me this time, no third wheel."

"Will you talk to me this time," I asked her, looking around. Why would she even wanna go out again. I sure as hell didn't. I mean, Santana was hot and all but she was mean and made me feel bad about myself. Rachel never did that.

"I don't really talk during," she answered me, with this weird look in her eye. During what? Dinner? That's what I mean, like she didn't talk during dinner and that's weird and I wanted someone, someone being _Rache_l to talk to _during_.

She slammed my locker shut. "Look, Finn, It's high time you lost the big V. Everything about you screams 'virgin'. You're about as sexy as a Cabbage Patch Kid. It's _exhausting _to look at you." I raised my eyebrow and looked at her in complete shock. She wanted to have sex with me? She was always a bitch to me! And was I supposed to be flattered that I looked like a Cabbage Patch Kid or whatever? She was such a bitch! And I knew I sounded like a girl but sex was supposed to be special and stuff. And I wanted special sex with _Rachel_.

"Well, look, I appreciate the offer, but I have feelings for someone else, and I'm trying to work things out with them. So…" She looked at me like I was crazy for turning down sex with her but I didn't care because god dammit, I wanted sex and kisses and hugs and dinners and everything with Rachel and only Rachel!

"Who, Rachel? She's dating that Jesse kid from Vocal Adrenaline."

My heart dropped.

"No she's not," I said quietly. She couldn't be. She told me they broke up. She wasn't dating him.

"Please, you can smell it on her. She's like a cat in heat. She talked about him yesterday and practically sprayed the choir room." I looked down, rage building up inside of me. Rachel lied to me? She lied to me about dating Jesse? She knew I wanted her and she just lied to me! And I believed her like an _idiot. _And you can smell _what_ on her? She couldn't smell like him she just couldn't! Why were they even close enough where his smell was anywhere _near _her?

"So come on, let's do the deed. It'll be great for my image, and Sue will promote me to head cheerleader. It's win-win." Santana took a few steps closer to me as I backed away just wanting to get the hell out of here and go talk to Rachel or something. But I couldn't because she was fucking dating fucking Jesse St. Douchebag!

"Wait, what… what do I get out of it?" I asked Santana. How was it a win-win?

"I don't know. You get to have sex and make Rachel jealous? I meant for me, okay? It's win-win for me." I watched her turn away and leave me standing near my locker. Make Rachel jealous? That was perfect. That was so perfect. If she was jealous she'd want me and she'd leave St. Jackass. And plus, sex with Santana couldn't be_ too_ bad so whatever.

This was so perfect.

* * *

I walked into the choir room and spotted Rachel.

"Finn, I was just coming to find you," she said when she saw me. "Look, I know that the boys were a little uncomfortable about this Madonna assignment, so I figured you and I as co-captains could do a little mash-up of a bunch of her songs just to show everyone how cool it can be." She gave me a small smile but I was just so _mad _at her.

"Yeah, sure, whatever," I told her as I took the sheets from her tiny hands. "Look, are you still dating that Jesse kid?" A wave of sadness washed over me at my own words.

"N-no, no. Who-who told you that?" Rachel stuttered as I looked at her.

* * *

I watched the heartbreak in Finn's eyes as I blatantly lied to his face. It was like, the shine that I loved seeing in his eyes just disappeared.

"Look, I know things have been weird between us, but I never thought you'd lie to me," he told me in a low voice.

I looked away from him, trying to think of the words to say. I couldn't lie to Finn. He was my _best_ friend. And I loved him. I just couldn't do it.

"Look, please just don't tell anyone," I begged him, trying to make him understand.

* * *

I backed away from the table slightly, throwing up my hands in disbelief. How could she lie to me so easily before? "Unbelievable!" I yelled.

"We may not be together the way that Jesse and I are, but we can still be friends!" I felt the tears well up in my eyes as I looked anywhere but at _her._ "I-I'm asking you, as my friend, to trust me." I looked into Rachel's wide brown eyes and for that second I didn't care if he hurt her or made her cry or anything I didn't care about her at all because clearly she didn't give a shit about _my_ feelings.

"Fine… but if this leads to something bad for all of us, don't expect anymore friendship from me," I mumbled as I grabbed the sheet music and sat at the drum set.

* * *

"Noted. Alright, let's rehearse then!" I said, with fake confidence in my voice. Finn was my best friend. He was my only friend. How could he give our friendship up so easily?

* * *

**Something in the way you love me won't let me be  
****I don't want to be your prisoner so baby won't you set me free**

I stared at her while she sang, so completely head over heels in love with her, and I knew that whole thing about not caring about her was such a lie that my brain was trying to force me to believe. She was so damn _beautiful_ and _perfect_ and when she sang my heart did the weirdest things, how could I not care about her? How could I not _fall in love_ with her?

**Stop playin' with my heart  
****Finish what you start  
****When you make my love come down  
****If you want me let me know  
****Baby, let it show  
****Honey, don't you fool around**

I spun around Finn as he played the drums and watched him as he watched me with that twinkle in his eyes. I watched him, hoping he understood why I chose these songs. I needed him to just stop loving me, I needed him to let me move on. I needed him to just come up and show me he loved me or just let me go.

**Don't try to resist me  
Open your heart to me, baby  
****I'll hold the lock and you hold the key**

I needed to her see I knew I messed up. I knew I fucked up in breaking up with her and letting her think I didn't like her. Because I was so damn in love with her, all parts of her, including her crazy. And I just needed one more chance. I needed her to give me one more chance and I knew I'd be able to give her my entire heart and all the love I could possibly give her. I just needed her to simply open her heart. I was the only one who could love her like this, I just knew it.

**Open your heart to me, darlin'  
****I'll give you love if you, you turn the key**

We sang together in the halls and I followed every move she made with my eyes and my body. I followed that girl like a damn lovesick puppy. And my heart near flew out of my chest when she grabbed my hand, squeezed it, and pulled me towards her. Did she feel me trying to caress her soft fingers? I totally hoped she did.

**Something in your eyes is makin' such a fool of me**

I watched Finn stare at me through the bookshelves of the library as I sang my heart out to him, and I gave him a shy smile when I saw him give me that dimpled smirk I was in love with. His eyes watched me like he wanted to rip my clothes off and love me.

**You're making me, you're making such a fool of me**

I watched Rachel's brown eyes widen as I corned her against a bookshelf and sang to her. And that line, man, it was like she knew I looked like an idiot chasing her when she was dating that asshole but she knew how badly I wanted her and I would do anything to have her.

**When you hold me in your arms you love me till I just can't see  
****So you choose to look the other way  
****Well I've got something to say**

I tapped her on the shoulder and hid as she turned around to find me and I put my face in kissing distance to hers on the other side of the wide pole. Her smile widened and she spun away, walking backwards slowly as I tossed books off of the bookshelf and walked towards her, overjoyed at her grinning face.

**Open your heart to me, baby  
****I'll hold the lock and you hold the key  
****Open your heart to me, darlin'  
****I'll give you love if you, you turn the key**

We walked through the hallways together, singing as the people around us continued to walk. I saw Finn close his eyes, as if he wished to just capture the moment and I knew that I just wasn't ready to move on from my love. My love, Finn. I grabbed his hand and smiled at him as he ran his fingers over mine, caressing them gently and holding them softly.

**I'll make you love me  
****I'll hold the lock and you hold the key  
****Open your heart to me, darlin'  
****I'll give you love if you, you turn the key**

I chased Rachel around the piano in the choir room, trying to move as quickly as possible to get as close to her as I possibly could. I knew what I wanted – I wanted Rachel Berry. I wanted the special sex and special kisses and I wanted to sing together like this and feel my heart beat one hundred times faster than it should.

**Open your heart with the key**

I was breathing heavy when we finished singing, our bodies so damn close if I just reached out I could kiss her body and her face and her mouth senseless.

"That was good," she mumbled, her eyes reflecting my thoughts.

"Totally," I answered, continuing to stare at her. And I just wanted to lose myself in her body, in her soft lips, in her breathy voice, in her eyes…

And she turned away and so did I, to forget about these feelings and to forget about how much I wanted to be with her.

* * *

I went home and shut my bedroom door and I just cried and cried and I knew it wasn't manly or anything but she hurt me and she lied to me and I just wanted her to know how much I loved her and now we would never get to make love and I would never be able to hold her again and she would never look into my eyes with all that passion and love that she had and I had to actually survive and pretend I wasn't so in love with her. And having sex with Santana would make me forget, at least for a little bit.

I walked up to Santana at her locker the next day at school, watching her look at herself in the mirror. I couldn't breathe. I was actually short of breath. What the fuck was I doing?

"Hey! Uh, so, that offer of yours uh, to lose… the big V…" My breath caught in my throat as she looked up at me. "I'm in," I said quietly. Rachel kissing Jesse popped up into my mind.

She smirked at me and I thought my heart stopped because in my head, Rachel stopped kissing him and she was just looking up at me, so sadly, her big eyes even bigger and all teary and stuff and I knew I just fucked myself over. _Fuck_. I was so god damn stupid.

* * *

Jesse interrupted me, just as I was going to tell him about the love I still had for Finn. I couldn't do this with Jesse, I was too in love with Finn Hudson.

"I was out of line the other night. You deserve more than that. You deserve romance- no, you deserve _epic_ romance. I feel badly that I pressured you into… you know, going all the way. I'm willing to wait. You tell me when you're ready. And I'll make sure that I'm fastidiously groomed… What did you want to tell me?"

And at that moment, I thought about Finn. He didn't care for me, did he? He didn't think I deserved epic romance, or any romance at all. My speech professing my love for Finn flew out the window.

"I'm ready," I muttered, chuckling nervously. I hugged him, only to have my heart drop. I wasn't ready at all. I didn't want Jesse. I wanted Finn, my only love Finn.

* * *

"Are you ready?" I heard Jesse call out to me from my bedroom.

I looked at myself in the mirror knowing this is the last time I would see myself and feel like I did at the moment. I would no longer be a virgin again after today. After I gave myself up to Jesse, this would be it. I wanted to be in Finn's arms right now so badly.

* * *

"In a minute!" I called out to Santana, who was waiting for me in that dingy motel bed.

I looked at myself in the mirror. Why was I even doing this? Making Rachel jealous? Wouldn't this just hurt Rachel more than anything? I didn't want to hurt her I wanted to hold her in my arms and touch her hair and I felt her warm breath on me I didn't want to be with Santana.

She rolled me onto my back and sat on my legs and I laid back, my heart pounding furiously. This was happening. This was actually happening. I was going to have sex with Santana Lopez – the girl every guy and even some girls in the school wanted to have sex with. But it felt so wrong and I was scared and I just wanted Rachel.

* * *

Jesse lay me on top of him and I felt my forehead wrinkle. Why did I tell him I was ready for this? I wasn't ready! Not in the slightest! Where was Finn? I wanted to be with Finn. Finn, please help me_. Finn!_

Santana put my head between her boobs and then pulled me down beside her, but I shot up, facing away. I couldn't do this! I needed to be with Rachel, I needed her! _Rachel!_

I watched Santana writhe on the bed and slowly lay down next to her and she wrapped her arms around me and started unbuckling my pants. This was happening. I closed my eyes and felt her started to climb on top of my condom clad cock.

She pushed herself down on me quickly and I felt myself engulfed by her pussy. I quivered underneath her, feeling like I was going to explode from the feeling at any second.

"Are you okay?" I kept mumbling as she rode my dick. Santana didn't respond, and only rode my faster and harder.

I closed my eyes, and saw Rachel's face in my head, pretending it was her tightness squeezing me, pretended it was her I was asking if she was okay to. I felt Santana trying to kiss me, but I turned my face away from her. I wanted to feel Rachel's tight pussy squeezing me, feel her hot breath in my ear as she moaned. I didn't want Santana riding me, I wanted _Rachel_. I didn't want Santana telling me to just shut up and enjoy I wanted _Rachel_ telling me how much she loved me. I wanted to whisper in her ear and tell her I would give or do anything for her, I wanted to show her and tell her how much I loved her, I wanted to feel her soft lips under mine. I wanted to hear her whisper about how she loved me _so_ much.

At the thought of her whispering her love for me, I exploded inside of Santana.

* * *

I walked into the choir room the next day and Rachel was the first thing I laid my eyes on. I watched her shuffling through sheets of music before I took a deep breath and walked up to her.

"Hey!"

She looked away from me. "Hi."

"So how'd your date with Jesse go Friday night?" I tried not to roll my eyes at the sentence but I couldn't help it. At least I had kept my vomit down.

"It… went wonderfully." I watched her and nodded my head slowly. I had lost her. I lost her to that asshole. I couldn't remember the last time I had kissed her. "Honestly, it wasn't that big of a deal. I mean, you know, it-it was great." I looked away from her slowly, rage building up inside of me. He had taken her virginity. She lost that special something to somebody that wasn't me. I almost growled and then threw up but she kept talking. She didn't think of me when she was having sex like I thought of her the whole time. "But when it was over, I just, uh, you know, didn't know why I was so nervous in the first place."

* * *

Why was I lying to Finn? Again? Why couldn't I just tell him the truth?

I thought back to that awkward night with Jesse.

"_Look, Jesse, I really like you, but… I can't do it. It wouldn't be right for… the team." Another lie. _

"_What does the team have to do with this?" He asked me, confused. _

"_If I give myself to you, knowing that my teammates wouldn't approve, it would be like I was sleeping with the enemy. I'd be betraying them. And because I'm truly not ready to do this, I'd be betraying myself." Lie. I was doing this for Finn. I wanted to save this for Finn._

* * *

I almost started crying at her words like I had cried at home after I had sex with Santana.

"I'm happy for you," I told Rachel, trying to smile at her.

"And, uh, what about you? I heard that you had a date with Santana on Friday night." I almost barfed on the spot, thinking of my night with Santana. That awful horrible night when all I could do was think about Rachel.

"Yeah. I-I couldn't go through with it," I stuttered, looking at Rachel_. Lie._

"Why?" She questioned, not looking at me.

I shrugged. "I guess I'm just waiting for the right person."

"_Do you think they have room service in this place? 'Cause I want a burger," Santana mumbled as we sat up in bed. _

"_I thought I'd feel different after," I told her, not being able to even look at her. _

"_Yeah, well, I've noticed that it takes about 20 or so times before the feeling of accomplishment really kicks in… There's no menu, so you're gonna have to take me to a burger joint. How do you feel?" _

"_I don't feel anything… 'cause it didn't mean anything." It would have meant something if I had sex with Rachel I know it would of I just know it. I wanted to yell at Santana for taking this away from me. I wanted to yell at her because now I couldn't share it with Rachel. But I just sat there, silent and emotionless as she got up, ready to eat a fucking burger. _

I looked away from Rachel after remembering that awkward, dreadful night and walked back to my seat slowly. Fuck.

* * *

"What the hell?! It seems like now everybody's doing things just to hurt my feelings," I yelled out after Jesse walked into the room with Mr. Schue and told us he would be joining the New Directions.

I looked at Finn, my heart dropping. Had I… had I hurt his feelings?

"I thought you all would take this news a little better. I'm a star. You can learn from me," Jesse answered him, until everybody else starting joining into the argument.

Santana accused him of being a spy.

* * *

"They winter in Bali. It's a very expensive phone call. "

What the fuck was _wrong_ with this dude?

Rachel spoke up, her voice gentle and soft. "I don't understand why you're doing this." Fuck yeah. Go Rachel! You know he doesn't belong here!

"Because when you love something, you got to go for it. You would never be with me completely if I were on the opposing team. And I care about you more than winning another national title." I watched Rachel's face soften and she blinked at his words. I blanched and felt the blood leave my face. "So I left Vocal Adrenaline. For you." I saw Rachel's pink lips turn up into a slight smile before my heart crushed into a million pieces. How was I supposed to compete with this guy? I fucking _lost_ her! I hated this douchebag and I just lost _my_ Rachel to him! I looked away from them, heartbroken.

* * *

After the whole 'What It Feels To Be A Girl' song with the Glee guys I knew I had to apologize to her. I didn't objectify Rachel like Artie did Tina but I hurt her feelings. I didn't listen to her. I didn't show her how much I cared. I _love_ her. I really, truly love her. And she didn't get to see that. And fuck, I told her I wouldn't be her friend anymore if her and Jesse caused problems for the team.

I know her so well and I still said that like the asshole I am. She doesn't have many friends and I know I'm the only person – the only friend – she can trust with anything. And for me? She's my _best_ _friend_. She was there when I cried over Drizzle, over Puck and Quinn tearing me apart. I can tell her anything. She's my best friend and I don't wanna lose her. And that's where I needed to start. By apologizing.

I went up to her at her locker, my head down, unable to look at her.

"Hey."

"If you're gonna criticize and mock me again about Jessie, you can can it." Wasn't really expecting that one, but I deserved it.

"I wanted to apologize. The only reason you were even open to dating Jessie was because I was such an ass. Mr. Tough Guy and all that. I really liked you. And I could have had you, but I blew it." I took responsibility for our break up, I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't hurt her like I'd been.

* * *

I looked at Finn after his confession and watched his eyes soften for a moment before they turned glossy and he looked away.

"You really liked me." I asked softly, more of a statement than a question. Before then, I hadn't believed Finn's feelings for me. But something in the way he looked away me, the way he spoke, told me they were real.

He looked up at me, a look of love burning in his eyes as Jesse came up to my locker and wrapped his arm around my shoulder.

* * *

Jesse put his arm around Rachel, like he was marking her or something and I almost punched the guy in the face. "Okay, Finn. I know we have a big showdown coming, so let's just decide on the arena. Sing-off, the parking lot. 5:00. Be there."

I looked at Jesse in shock and then at Rachel, hearing her softly whimper, "No!"

I couldn't fight him. I couldn't do it. And I was gonna swallow my pride, for her. I would do it for her, that's how much I cared. That's how much I loved her. And I hoped she understood that as I put my hand out for Jesse to shake.

"Welcome to New Directions. Frankly, I need you. I'm tired of carrying the male vocals all by myself." Jesse looked at my hand in shock before shaking it. "I'll do my best to stay away from your girl," I continued, looking at Rachel, hoping she could see how hard this was for me. She looked at me, a torn look in her eyes and for a second, I felt like she loved me too. I hoped she would see that I was doing this for her because I wanted her to be happy, even if she wasn't mine. And yeah, I'd do my best to stay away, but it'd be hard because she was everywhere – in my thoughts, my dreams, in every song I heard, everywhere.

"I appreciate that. She's a keeper," Jesse replied, punching Rachel in the shoulder. I saw her face twist at his actions and I almost broke his nose.

"Walk with me to the auditorium. I put together a new Madonna number; I'll talk you through it on the way." I said, trying to ignore my curling fists.

"Sweet," Jesse said, following me towards the gym. I glanced at Rachel and gave her a soft smile, mustering as much love in it as I could before I turned and walked away with Jesse who didn't even bother to look back at her.

* * *

I watched the two men walk off and felt my heart thump loudly.

One of those boys showed more interest in me than anybody before ever had. The other owned my heart and I wasn't sure I wanted it any other way.

* * *

**I hear your voice**

**It's like an angel sighing**

I looked at Rachel as I sang. She was my angel. She was my love and I wanted her back more than anything. Man, I was so in love with her.

**I have no choice I hear your voice**

I thought of Finn's words, and the way he looked at me as he sang and my heart fluttered. This must be what falling in love feels like. It must.


End file.
